Just finished the older draft about that cursed bag of beans, when I realized that ahhhhh, ONE reason that my anxiety has basically had me exploding all over the place every second is likely this no-working-out thing. I still get a pain if I move my leg a certain way. We're about 12 days away from the 5 weeks, & I haven't even done upper body, just to be sure. So I'm REALLLLLY hoping this is healing.
So I mentioned my wall I've hit. Did I also mention that I of course found out that I need to bring several things with me to the pension office to get my pension, one of them being my contract... and worried like crazy I didn't have it at home? A search indeed proved I did not. I have EVERY OTHER CONTRACT FROM HERE, including that first job I only had for 6 months almost 4 years ago! But not for this year. & because things have been hectic here, I figured chances were THEY didn't have a copy of it either. The anxiety this was creating was immense, let alone with the job search & everything else. I CAN go to immigration & request a copy, but that can mean waiting a lonnnnnng time (though at least I'll have a few days before I leave in which to do that). But before resigning myself to that, I had to ask. & the blessed man here assured me has the original, & can definitely make a copy. He told me if they DIDN'T have it, he would have made one right there, just so I'd have it. Sweet Lord is THAT a bit of a big load of crappiness off my plate! He is even going to check with the boss to see if they can pay me BEFORE the usual July 9th date when I'll be in Laos! Just that he'd even ask, was a huge relief. Now to just, you know, get a job, finish applying to grad school & get packed, get my remittance account, make a NEW dentist appointment for a second opinion which you're actually supposed to get here...
Oh. & my resume, which I paid someone to do. She sent it to me as a PDF. Which is great, except that, months after she asked me to proofread it, & I did, I noted that I didn't look carefully enough at my email address, which was missing the first letter. & I wanted to do proofreading! Honestly, I DON'T have attention to detail that they all want. I don't. I regularly start filling in the missing words/letters on things I've written, or even just read through a few times (though mainly with my own work, which is easily done). So, CAN I actually be a proofreader? I'm really thinking no, but wtf ELSE can I do? My only real skill is writing, but I have zero creativity, never have any ideas on topics for writing an article, say. So I really am kind of stuck. I'm burned out on teaching here, & it'll be super low-paying & more crappy hours to find a place to do so in Spain in my off-hours.
But back to the resume. I needed to change that, plus add the US phone # I have, thanks to this great app on my phone. The only other thing I have is called the resume key, but while my resume is blue & red with, you know, resume stuff on it, this is a blank white document with just the hello! at the top and my name at the bottom, which is what my cover letter is like. In addition to this, it's not the sort of file google documents can download or open.
It has taken the girl who did it a few days to get back to me in the past, & I was applying for a job then, so despite the fact I only have $50 to get me to Tuesday, I spent the $25 to edit the PDF of my resume. Only to find whatever program she used has a font that neither windows NOR PDF has. Typing anything new in, including just that one missing letter, never mind the other phone number, meant going through to EVERY. TEXT. BOX. & doing it there for continuity.
She writes me back directing me to the same blank document I alluded to. Look, I must be a complete Luddite & fucking idiot, because no matter what I have done to that document, I can't download it, upload it, copy it, & in any event IT'S COMPLETELY BLANK. I don't want to have to do the whole typing & coloring again!
Basically, I then told her that I apparently am all these things, & spent the rest of the night screaming because I couldn't edit my own fucking resume. I finally just converted it back to a word document, which lost it a little of the polish, but was mainly fine, & just did it that way. She wrote one more time, but I just saw that red envelope which is the same blank document that doesn't help me, & couldn't even bother to open it. I could not have been more pissed. & all of this has definitely been made exponentially worse in my head because my anxiety has free rein with no exercise outlet. What a great time to be alive.
