So, about that whole not-boring life I’ve always wanted….

So yeah, I think my posts about my life thus far speak for themselves on that front. Most of them have been of the not-bored-but-bad type. Last week (I think?) I mentioned that I seemed to be dating someone. Unsurprisingly, but not exactly sadly, I can report that that no longer seems to be the case. Aaron, who as I said had nothing much to say anyway, had so little to say he didn’t even bother texting me “Hey” every night. In fact, I didn’t hear from him until I texted him Wednesday to see how he was, & he promised to call Thursday, which he did. Then, more boring nothingness was “discussed.” Friday I went out with a friend for drinks (and, as it turns out, had pupa soup, which I tried, REPEATEDLY, to post to facebook, but every attempt failed for reasons unknown),

 and texted Aaron re. the soup. No response. Saturday I wasn’t sure if we were at the point where it was understood I was going to see him, or we still had to discuss and confirm. Since I hadn’t heard from him & we hadn’t discussed/mentioned my coming on Thursday, I texted to see if he was up and enjoying the weather. Later in the afternoon, when I was feeling super depressed and needed to be around people (hence went up to Seoul to get the nuclear solutions of the previous post), I called, but it just rang out.

He did text me the usual, “Hey” on Sunday night, but I ignored it, so the uneventful barely-relationship had an uneventful end. So the timing was amazing when an incredible-looking guy (also on badoo) sent me a message. He is ridiculously hot. So, red flag number 1. He is VERY sweet and a little… bashful? Coy? Not sure what the word, but big old red flag #2. Because, super hot is super rare anywhere. In Asia, it’s practically nothing more than a mirage. But hot AND sweet? These are not qualities that can coexist in straight men.

Badoo’s pics are protected, so I can’t use what I’ve learned from the tv show Catfish to see if these are his photos, or there’s a model with a selfie addiction out on instagram or someplace. And interestingly, a la Catfish, dude lives in Korea but is home in Australia for two months, shares a room with people (so can’t skype), and has no other messaging apps on his phone (because it’s his work phone). Suffice it to say, those latter 2 in particular have pretty well convinced me that I am most definitely talking to some other guy, since I can never actually see him when we’re talking. He has sent me a few other pictures of when he’s just lying around, and those I could search for in google images, and got no hits. It’s the same guy as all the other pictures, so there’s that.

Being half-Portuguese (should this actually be him) means he has that European-guy thing down, including, we’re going to keep messaging each other every night until he comes back to Seoul and then we’ll “be together.” So it passes the time, though, again, not entirely pleasantly because a bit of this time is spent knowing this guy can’t be real, but if he were real WHY is this guy messaging ME. Because I’m pretty, but I’m not THAT pretty. Not this-guy pretty.

So, dear God, I believe that is all there is for you to know, with the Jen-of-old overzealousness for minutiae and detail. I’ll keep you updated on the 1.) trailing off of model boy before any meeting could actually take place, or 2.) his unmasking into the nice-guy-in-a-toad’s-body he really is. 

Ok, I am REALLY struggling with this

As you may, well, should recall, behaving badly is a new behavior I’m being forced to learn here in Korea. To many of you (I could start naming names, but by God I sure as hell hope you know who you are), breaking the rules of “the man” is something you’ve literally been doing for as long as you can remember. And, the thing is, I’m not a strictly by-the-book type of person. If you know my dad, you know that there are certain rules, stupid rules, outdated rules, inefficiencies, etc., which he thinks it’s stupid to follow, and will try to circumvent. SOME of my dad’s views on such rules I inherited. So if there’s a shortcut that you’re not technically supposed to do or a slight way around something, I’m going to try and do it.

But doing bigger stuff, stuff-that-will-get-you-fired stuff, or result in (dum dum dummmm!) having to have a discussion with my boss, for example? That’s the kind of stuff I JUST DON’T DO.

Of course, most people aren’t in a position to want or need to get fired. But it turns out that teaching English as a foreign language in a foreign land, will definitely present one with instances where getting fired is the goal. Such is where I find myself these days.

As usual, I spend my off time dreading work, trying to figure out how to get out, and the only solution I could really see thus far was just up & leaving this country for another. Interestingly, I have applied to 3-4 jobs, 2 or so of which I was an awesome, ideal candidate, and wrote some pretty kick-ass cover letters. In 4 days, I’ve only had 1 response, which is strange and perplexing. And was concerning, since I more or less need something lined up when I go.

Then, as usual, I talked to my friends, several-year-vets of teaching in Korea all, and we went over the latest. Despite the fact that Kiara and I believe I actually CAN’T be fired because they have no replacement, all the vets said I still have to TRY to get fired.

And the first way to do this is by not coming to school one day without calling. I was asked if there were any illegal things going on here, and I knew of at least one thing. Further discussion of my dreadful day-to-day resulted in my discovering even MORE. So, indeed, I do know of some. So, the way it’s done is, I don’t come to school and don’t call, which is, of course, a big no-no (as it really is everywhere). But instead of staying home, I go up to Seoul Center, and bring as much evidence with me of the ways my school is breaking the law as I can. They will tell me what is to be done next, but ultimately, they can force my school to let me go (or that’s my understanding).  And onwards I can go.

So, going up to Seoul Center, getting this ball rolling, THAT I can do. It’s the not-coming-to-school-without-calling thing that I am just killing myself over. The one teacher, Cati, all through dinner afterward, was laughing at me, because every so often she’d look over at me & correctly predict that I was worried as hell about doing this. She kept telling me there’s nothing the owner can do to me, and I can do this. If I’m worried about her coming to my apartment, I can pretend I’m not home or just go to her place in Seoul so I’m not there. The next day, when they’re upset, I just shrug & say I was sick. (Important note: we get sick days, but you must bring a note from the hospital stating you were sick. This is no more difficult than getting to the hospital and explaining what you need. It’s common practice here, and you can go and request a note after you called in sick, and have them date the letter for the day you were sick. Even though you never went to the hospital to see a doctor about said sickness.) To add insult to injury, I would go to no such trouble. Just shrug, “I was sick, bitch, what?” and go on with my day.

And yes, I am struggling with dealing with the blowback, even though I know that the worst she can do is EXACTLY what I want. If I get fired, they have to give me 30 days’ notice. So if I fuck up enough this and next week, my firing would still get me out of here before my 3 months’ notice. Also note that then, I don’t have to worry about the letter of release being held over my head. Of course, the thing is, it is still entirely up to the school to give you that letter even then. But apparently taking my stuff to the English teachers’ board which is more or less what Seoul Center is, means they can force her to give me that letter and release me because of illegal stuff. None of it is BIG stuff, but it’s still laws, labor laws, which are being broken.

What I am REALLY struggling with is not wanting to create extra stress for the other teachers. If I’m not here for my classes, there MIGHT be a scramble to figure out what to do with my classes. (Though, then again, Heidi-teacher might be able to fill-in, because she leaves when I come in, sits at the desk and works on paperwork, then comes back in when I’m done.) In any event, it’s not about wreaking havoc on Hetty which is my problem; it’s doing so for everyone else here that is my problem.

Next week is a short week: we only have 3 days of school, though on the last day, Wednesday, we won’t have afternoon classes because the kids get to redeem the stamps we give to them for doing class work and stuff. I was instructed to absolutely not come in on Monday of this week, but I had to print up my contracts (the old one from June, and get a copy of the current one from Hetty), so it was fine and understandable that I come in on Monday. I got what I needed to print-up today, so technically I could do it tomorrow. But the other issue with tomorrow is I have the late class, and I definitely don’t want to make another teacher take over my late class.

Going to Hetty with the illegalities before going to the board was an initial suggestion, though that was quickly tossed aside for the skipping-school plan. I’m still freaking out over it, exactly for the reasons I’ve told you. And, just to add fuel to the fire, I’ve explained, at least, the suggested route to both Kiara & Nathalie, the new teacher. Kiara is the one who may tell Hetty. Not that that really will help her, because the facts are still the facts, and those facts are on my side. My preference is to talk to Hetty YET. AGAIN. And ensure that we’re on the same page re my leaving, in that, I AM leaving by June 17, regardless of their replacement situation. And that I DO expect a letter of release. The solution my sister & I both thought of independently (before this went nuclear teaching-English-in-Korea-veteran-style) was to suggest future-dating the letter of release, and having someone we both trust hold on to it until that time. (Though I’m not sure who that could be, other than Kiara—I think we both trust her.) If she is not ok with that, then I’ll feel my concerns/thoughts that my letter of release will not be forthcoming are valid, and have the (to me) nuclear plan B.

Naturally, your thoughts and/or wishes for a nighttime fire that injures no one are welcome, lol.

What I'm supposed to be doing with my life

While Chile's unending message to me was that I needed to drink more, Korea and I have a very different relationship. Whereas Chile's was about me trying to at least try to get me to attack my liver and let Chile continue to fester as a leader in sucking, Korea wants me to forget about killing myself to help it destroy itself.

I keep seeing Chris Guillebeau's new book about finding your purpose all over my facebook feed. And interestingly enough, I may not need to buy it, because Korea clearly has a purpose for me: it wants me to start picking off hagwon owners. I will be the TEFL community's Robin Hood. 

Naturally, I've been inspired to start at my own Ground Zero, where Hetty's insanity is starting to be more and more visible, and visited upon, other people.

Earlier this week, I asked Hetty if we could move up my official end date from June 17 to June 1. I lied and said I had a job offer. She said no, no, she just couldn't give me an end date because she hasn't found anyone. The first recruiter told her they couldn't guarantee her anyone; the second said this just isn't the hiring season. Both sounded like bullshit, to me & other teachers here. I asked if they even posted to Dave's ESL cafe, which of course she's never heard of & doesn't know. Sure, it's like a craigslist personals section for the amount of sheer ads of bs, but that's still where people look. 

I said that most places only require 2 months' at the most, and that Korean LAW only requires that much, which is true. But whatever, these are hagwon owners, the laws are not here to be obeyed. So finally I pointed out we're almost at the 1.5 month mark, and she has nothing. I offered to post the job to facebook, knowing full well no one would take it because the hours suck. But in the meantime, I said, we're past the 2 months it'll take to get an American here from abroad, so is she going to do if they haven't found a replacement for me by my last day? She had absolutely no answer. But Tausha & I might.

We suspect (stop reading if I'm repeating myself) that June 17th will arrive, and Hetty will say, "I would LOVE to give you a letter of release, but we still haven't locked in your replacement. Let's see about the end of June." And on, and on.

But Hetty's starting to slowly display her true colors to others. We had a meeting with Hetty to discuss the Big Assessment Tests we'd sent her for review. (Interesting note: MY tests that kept restarting at 1 for a new section last time were part of why I'm a disapointment. When Sara does that and leaves it for her replacement, it's FINE.) She addressed all of us in generalities, and Kiara was deftly able to tell her why her assumption that if 3 classes are being tested on the same stories, they can't be asked the same questions, because my class has a higher English level than Kiara's, who can't write as much, for example.

But Kiara couldn't get past the fact that the one correction on her test, so that she'd have to reprint 2 pages, was that she had an extra space between the number and the question. And I had to redo a cover sheet because the story titles didn't show up on the pre-produced test sheets we have in a binder and have to copy, so now instead of the story titles as the cover sheet (and formerly she used to) demand, some tests must only have the name of the book.

This is important shit, people! These 8-year-olds and 6-year-olds, they will notice and be confused!

Well kids the good times, they just keep a'comin'!

Had that talk with Hetty-teacher today. Though first, some of you/many of you think me and my fellow teaching compatriots are pretty gutsy for coming here. Which is true enough, BUT! Did YOU know that you don't get training!? I literally had 30 minutes of, "here's this, here's that," then was shown to my classroom & was told, ok, go to it! Sara's replacement, Nathalie, has had a royal queen's treatment comparatively, but was screwed over a bit in that our daily busy work lesson plans for every day this week were due last Friday, Sara's last day. She didn't bother to do them. Which none of us knew, until Nathalie, who was in that all-too-familiar, WTF is going on!!? What class am I teaching, what BOOK am I teaching? Is this my schedule or that one? What are their names? How do I do this? phase, mentioned that she had to do those stupid daily lesson plans for this week. I mean, COME ON. Give the girl a fucking BREAK! She doesn't know what's going on, never mind what or precisely how to do those, what the kids are reading, etc. Give her this week off! But no, she's taking the giant teacher edition books home to work on it, apparently because she has to.

So anyway. I asked Hetty if it'd be possible for us to move up my end date. I lied & said I had a job offer for June 1. She said she just couldn't give me an end date yet. The first recruiter told her they couldn't guarantee a replacement, and the second told her this isn't hiring season. I offered to post on facebook, while questioning where they're posting the job. Dave's ESL Cafe, for example, the one place everyone looks first, even if it is an overwhelming mess?!

She couldn't give me anything. I said that like her and the recruiters, I'm facing a deadline too, because most schools want you to start the 1st. I then asked her, what would she do if the recruiters couldn't find anyone by June 17th? She actually counted from March to make sure that would be 3 months. She had no answer, and I think no idea.

But she did have ONE idea: to start deducting the flight from my paycheck now. So I have to hunt down the paperwork on that and hope the price is on there, because I remembered it being around $700, but she's going ahead with $1000 until she sees different.

At that point, with none of her usual flattery/desperation/sadness/confusion coming into play when my leaving was the topic on the table, I figured I'm not getting that Letter of Release. Even if I stay until June 17th & help train a new teacher & work ahead so they don't fall behind (which I'd do anyway), I no longer believe she'll give it to me at all. Tausha agrees, and sagely said she thought that once June 17th rolled around Hetty'd start begging me to stay, and hold that LOR over my head to try to get me to. I'm not sure if it's just that she doesn't want to look for a new teacher or not.

I posted to one facebook page, and got 2 responses. Of course, the tricky thing with this job is, most people who've been here aren't going to settle for the bare bones I've got. One girl wanted the schedule and benefits, and oddly I haven't heard back from her! Lol. The other, however, loved teaching kindergarten, taught in Japan, but only wants a 6 month contract, and can start in 4 weeks. I mean to me, WHY NOT, that's about when mine would've ended anyway. She wants to talk to Hetty herself, so I'm going to let Hetty know. But also make clear that nothing's moving forward unless I know I am getting, for sure, that LOR.

In the meantime, though, I just feel like it won't be coming. I wrote my cover letter for the school in Taiwan that Mercedes is attending and has researched on my behalf, and polished up the resume. Tomorrow I'll renew the search abroad. Provided she continues to do as she does, I'm going to do the most UN-JEN thing EVER: I'm going to leave her ass high & dry. No notice, just one day I won't show up, my shit will be out of the apartment, my money in my US bank account, & I'll be on a plane elsewhere. It has come to this. I will not be the rule-following good girl. She'll be supremely fucked, and I will give absolutely no fucks about it. Except maybe some gleeful ones.

It sucks to leave my friends. And even my boring but consistent boyfriend, lol. It's such an experience to finally have what is so common and easy for everyone else, and it's so terribly uninteresting. Lol. It sucks to leave all this money. It sucks this has to be done. But that's the way it's looking, and that's the direction I'm headed. Namely: OUT OF KOREA.

Oh HEY!!!!

SOooo, I alluded often to this one event, which apparently happened around the time I gave my notice (or at least that's when I wrote the post about it) but never got around to rereading it before publishing it. But I FINALLY did, so it's the post dated the 117th of March with the title about the straw that broke the camel's back. Take a look-- MORE READING!!

Argh, it's the weekend, so time to unload from the week!

Or as it's otherwise known, catching all of you up.

Honestly, it's really just Friday that gave me ample writing material. Friday was Sara's last day, and her replacement's first. It was also Anna's last day (vice principal/head teacher), and Alisa's (Korean teacher whom I liked). Nathalie, the replacement, is 35, from Texas, and seems cool. Hetty is treating her extremely well. She couldn't move into Sara's apartment until Saturday but arrived Thursday, so Hetty found and paid for a hotel for her. The hotel didn't have towels or pillows, so Hetty took her shopping and Hetty's sister gave her a bunch of stuff. Then Hetty took her out to dinner.

But what surprised all of us American teachers was that Hetty TOOK NATHALIE TO THE CLINIC FOR HER HEALTH CHECK. During school hours, no less. So, no need for us teachers to get up early and somehow gesture & garble together enough Korean to indicate what was needed once there. This is a far cry from the old policy of, you Americans take care of each other, period.

I spent the day so jealous of everyone having their last day. And still wondering what the HELL was going on with my replacement. As I've said, I have been HIGHLY DOUBTING they're REALLY looking, even though I know that they notified the recruiter the Monday after I gave my notice, and have heard that they're using 3 recruiters now. Nevertheless, ALL of us American teachers are rather surprised it is taking THIS LONG.

Meanwhile, I can't look for another job because I don't know when my last day is.

So I determined I'd have a "come to Jesus" meeting with Hetty. I want out by mid-May, period. 2 months is a reasonable amount of time to find someone, and 2 months is the most common notice foreign teachers are required to give. Legally-required is either 30 or 60 days.

If I leave before they're ready, and thus not in fulfillment of the terms of my contract, no letter of release. No letter of release, I cannot work in Korea. So I've been researching jobs outside of Korea. I figured I'd let her know that the only thing keeping me there is wanting to do the right thing, but the right thing continually grates on my sanity, I have friends in other countries, and I have nothing to lose by just up & leaving except the flight of the plane ticket.

 I really want to stay in Korea, but if it means being miserable everyday until June, well, I left the US and my job there so I wouldn't be miserable at my job all day anymore. This defeats the purpose of my heading off to the other side of the world. I like teaching, or at least I did. And I do like teaching the elementary kids.

Which brings me to the other big news of Friday. First, I THINK the new head teacher is Emma, who started on Monday. She has been observing my language arts class with Clifford, the preschoolers. I found this rather odd, as I assume it's for evaluation purposes and I'm already leaving. But then what really sucks is that SOMEHOW, I am able to be the cheerful, trying-to-get-them-to-talk teacher Asians want in that class. I kind of want her to see me as the non-passionate teacher I've been hearing I am, particularly if it'd help get me out of there sooner.

Even odder was that Anna chose to sit in on my favorite class, M4A. I think they're all around the age of 8-10. They're a bit rambunctious, fun-loving, love to joke with or make fun of me (Teacher-draw- time is especially popular and requested, as it means I try to draw something to illustrate the word in English, and the kids start yelling out that my island looks like a hat, or an elephant, or, God this one kid, EVERY CLASS, a PUFFIN. A PUFFIN!!), and I have a great time with them. She was in for around 10 minutes, laughing as I tried to get some non-nonsense answers on what people carry in trucks per the reading, while being called a lemon and a lion, which I was happy to accept as my new identity. They landed on my being a lemon-lion, which sounded like a great concept to me.

I have 1 break in the late afternoon before the last class, when everyone hightails it out of there, and that was when I was planning on talking to Hetty. But before I could go to her office, Anna asked if she could talk to me.

Now, please recall, Anna had a talk with me, when, the start of March? about older students complaining I teach without passion.

In THIS meeting, Anna told me that I was amazing with M4A. I was exactly the kind of teacher they want. She said the kids were having a great time, and that it was such a good atmosphere SHE wanted to raise her hand to answer my questions! She also told Hetty that I was amazing. She talked to another middle-school class I have, and they all liked me and had fun with me. So she wanted to urge to me reconsider leaving ILS. I said no. She asked why. I started off with kindergarten. She said, "Well, of course, you have Elmo." Couldn't I just soldier through? No. No, because they drain me, and the day seems interminable, and makes me feel like I have far less for the older kids (though that's obviously not a problem with M4A, at the least).

Yes, I've considered that leaving means leaving these particular kids that I've already built a rapport with. Kids that I already know I like. But I wanted to leave even knowing all of that.

She said I could talk to Hetty and ask her if I could stay. Again, I said, no. I then mentioned that Hetty and I don't get along that well. She said Hetty's new, she's still figuring stuff out, and needs time to get me. As for not liking my style, she's really only seen me with Elmo, and no one looks good or happy with them. Lol.

I then told her, finally, that I was on anti-anxiety meds to deal with the stress of being there, and then she seemed to understand. But she just wanted to help me out, that's why she wanted to talk to me and try to get me to reconsider.

We talked a bit more, joked around, laughed at the fact that when I don't have lunch duty, I sit in dark classrooms alone. And that she doesn't want her friends to tell her any of their problems, and doesn't want to share hers at all.

And then I had 10 minutes before the last class, which is when Sara and the Americans decided we should go out for dinner. So I canceled the wine and yoga pants night I so enjoyed a couple weeks ago, obviously couldn't talk to Hetty, and had a nice time with the girls.

Oh. And interestingly, or not really, but I sent my resume to a teacher posting for a job she would be vacating that opens in July. It's in Seoul. She had good things to say about the school and everything, and I'm just super sensitive to that coupled with it being only elementary and older kids. So I sent my resume, even though it kind of means I HAVE to stay at this job 'til June for money. Though there is the additional problem of the school in Seoul of course wanting to interview in person, and I have no flexibility in my schedule for leaving for a few hours during week days. Never mind that going up to Seoul on a week day would really be at least a 1/2 day event. So, yeah, not sure how that'll work. The teacher's going to give my resume to her boss on Monday. Obviously won't need to worry if they're not interested in whatever reason, but doubting that'll be the case.

So!! Christ on a stick, here we are. Me just as uncertain of wtf is next as ever.

A always,

I knew I had some updating to do, & once again Mark prompted me to make sure I stuck to my goal of updating on my random day off.

So, lots of nothing has changed in my decision-making. When my schizo school owner leaves me alone, I can grit my teeth and make it through. The problem is, she CAN'T leave me alone for long. & oddly, I'm the only one who deals with her & this shit. Naturally I blame that stupid fucking Hessed curriculum.

I've been mostly left alone this week, so I am counting it down & telling myself I can make it to June. Because those fuckers aren't doing SHIT to find me a replacement. Sara's last day is Friday, and they JUST got her replacement. But that isn't all that's happening Friday, or rather, all who's leaving. The last original Korean teacher there since I started, whom I like, Alisa, has that as her last day. And then shockingly on Tuesday Anna, the vice principal and head teacher for 5 years who really does run the place? SHE'S leaving on Friday too. So, we're definitely in for a whole other shit storm, even though Heidi-teacher (the terror-whisperer I love) and some new woman who seems ok so far called Emma, are taking over for them/her.

Anna told me that a student complained that I used his book to read from last week, & I need to bring my own, though why, when they're supposed to be doing the reading, so I don't. I'm sure it's a kid thing, though I still think it's a remarkably unbelievable Korean kid thing to get upset about. As in, I asked if I could read a page from his book, and pulled it over near me to do so when he said ok. Anna was trying to get me to... say she's right or something, and finally I just said "Look, I just don't care that much, because I'm leaving in June." And she had no idea I'd given my notice, apparently. And she's the head teacher, and certainly was when I gave my notice to Hetty. Not to mention with all the bringing in the new people to replace all these people they knew were leaving would mean that my replacement search won't happen til the last minute of the full extent of my notice. Kiara has mentioned hearing they found someone, but Kiara says a lot of shit, & I haven't heard a thing, so I don't believe a thing until shit starts happening. Meaning, right back where I started. Do I stay and get another job in Korea, or do I go? Found some great sounding positions, one in Vietnam, which I'm still curious about but ultimately from what I've heard I'm not sure I'd be able to abide. Internet is still a big issue in Thailand, so that's out. Saw an interesting posting in Malaysia, but don't know much about that country. Mercedes forwarded me the contract from the school she's studying Chinese in, and told me to whom to send my resume, though she doesn't know what English teacher's pay is, if they do the visa, etc. She said there are 100s and 1000s of schools there, always looking. You may or may not recall I stopped looking in Taiwan when the Reach to Teach recruiter told me that 29 years old is usually the age cut off. But then, that's the same recruiting company who sat on their ASSES for 6 months saying they couldn't find a hagwon job for me. When there are like 1000s at all times. So, maybe that company is full of shit. I don't know

I even thought of Turkey, since I'd be able to set up a social network quickly through couch surfing, plus still friends with my original host. Problem there is schools are much worse usually, so far easier to get way screwed. I'd rather take my chances once I don't have all this debt.

Sooooo, yeahhhhh. Still no decision. When I count it down including holidays & field trips, it seems doable. But one typical Hetty encounter & I'm ready to do a midnight run.

I'll send in my resume and get some info on Taiwan. Though again, social life in Korea has been really good. I mentioned Danielle I hope, yes? She's awesome, married to a Korean, has a 4-year-old daughter Leah who is fun & funny & smart & adorable & reminds me of Tyler when she smiles & adores me. There's wine and yoga pants night on Friday again. There's awesome food. There's living entirely off of January's salary for two months. There's technology and shit working, even with the utter and complete absence of common sense. So, I'm still undecided.

So before I go into the surprising turn of events, I'll relay the last Hetty encounter that prompted my job search and previous post. The last class of the day is 6:25 to 7:10. People who don't have class that time leave. It was 6:20 on a Friday, when Hetty is quite fond of coming to me about whatever bullshit is the bee in her bonnet at that point. She comes in and asks me where Elmo classes' Hessed books are.

On that Wednesday, Elmo finished level 1. These are the books to which she was referring. Maybe it's just me, but I honestly don't remember exactly what I did, including what I did with those books, 2 days later. But I know myself well enough to know that I would have left those fuckers in the Hessed room. So I go to look for them, but nope, they're not there. Shit. I go to Elmo's room, but no, they're not there either. Double shit. Not having a clue, I tell Hetty that my only guess as to what happened to them is that I must have sent them home, b/c the school is obsessed with us sending shit home. To which Hetty frantically replies, "HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING SO STUPID!!? The Korean teachers need to check them before they go home?!! Why would you do that!!??" Well I honestly don't know why, honestly don't know that I did, it's just my best guess because they're not where I'd have put them & all I do is wrong. So I would likely have chosen the worst course of action.

Then Hetty realizes that the books are too big to fit in their backpacks. This is absolutely true. I know I'd remember trying to cram those bitches into their packs, & I don't remember that. So Hetty says they must be here.

Fine. She takes me back to the teacher's lounge to look in there. I say, "But I wouldn't have brought them here, they can't be in here." Which is when Hetty gives me the reply that makes me want to throw her out the window. "But Anna had them last. Don't you remember, on Wednesday I walked with you to the Hessed room to get their books [of course she would have, she is that much of a micromanager], and I had you bring them to my office. You left them there, and I gave them to Anna to look at and give to the Korean teachers. But Anna left and she isn't answering her phone."

So. This WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING TIME, this wasn't even MY doing?? But I'M the one getting the interrogation and panic and bullshit??

When I say something to that effect, nicely, Hetty then lights into me about saying I'd sent them home when I knew that wasn't true (no, I DIDN'T know, that was the whole point, I had no idea what had happened to them), and I shouldn't say things I don't know to be true, and why didn't I just say I didn't know so she could help me figure it out? WHEN IT'S NOT EVEN MY THING TO FIGURE OUT, I might add, since they are quite literally out of my hands.

So, that was that episode. That was when I was like, fuck you lady, I'm so fucking out.

But then days go by, a day off is imminent, she stays away and I can soldier on painfully through my day.

And I would hate to have to start over again elsewhere, especially when I've met some really cool people here. And now might be dating someone.

Oh yes. I know. WTF? HOW the fuck? AND why am I breaking my military guy rule?? All of these are such excellent questions.

The how is through an online site that I hoped to meet more friends, even though I'm still usually just ignoring the guys who are, as always, just looking for a hook-up or friends with benefits. A really, really cute army guy emails me. He seems nice, he wants to meet me. I agree to go out to the air force base he's at because he has never in his life been on public transportation. Which is unbelievably shocking to many, I know, but think about people who've lived in the suburbs all their lives, and never really went to cities.

Naturally that isn't something I've ever done, gone to a military base, so I get to see that yes, it really is a bit like an American city in the middle of a city. You have to take a taxi from the front gate to the apartments/housing in back, the PX, etc. The PX has lots of shit that it surprised me I was marveling over, such as all-American products, everything in english, and lots of WINE!! At American prices!!!!!! Then I looked around his apartment & went, "OH yeah, your outlets are even American!"

He's an incredibly nice & sweet guy. 2 tours in Iraq, but none of any issues at all, like, normal guy, never-been-in-any-bad-situations sort of demeanor & guy. He is NOT looking for a hook-up or friends with benefits or one-night thing. And ever since I met him Saturday, he calls/text me every day, looking forward to the weekend, and seeing me again. And he's so nice, and so sweet, and SO BORING. OH my God, he just really doesn't have much to say! Except for actually, ACTUALLY using euphamisms to refer to sex, which is just head-scratchingly ridiculous (to me). I have to keep any conversation going, and he provides the bare minimum answers. There'd be no problems I think with silence, except that I'd still like to talk & get to know him more, only I'm not sure how much more there is to know! He's career military, has his whole life planned out with living off of retirement from it, etc. Does all the little gallant gentlemanly things, really nice and sincere, but that's about it. I need to be amused by someone, or impressed, or find them interesting, and so far, albeit I'm basing this off of ONE DATE, not sure that he has any of those things at all. Which is fine in that I did NOT want a relationship, did NOT want to date, so if I do up & leave suddenly, *I* won't deal with regret for leaving someone I might have really gotten into behind. Though of course I worry about hurting HIM.

Sooooo, yes, another wtf event that is my life in Korea thus far. Lol. I'll try to do better on keeping you posted. Especially when I use my weekends and days off for relaxing as I used to, instead of getting out & about all over the place for doc appointments, meeting people, etc.

Damn this second wind!

Interestingly, "Sleepyhead" by Passion Pit came on on Pandora.

It is 20 to midnight, I need to hit the shower & get to bed, but after being tired all day for my long day, I had a good time hanging out with Tausha and got my second wind.

So, I THINK the last time we left off I was debating/decided on applying for this job in Chicago for the place that certified me in TEFL. You may remember (provided I wrote about it, lol) that my ONE BIG reservation was that I'd be talking people into going to... wherever, & talk myself right back into wanting to get the hell out of dodge. To wit: I wasn't sure I was ready to throw in the towel on this whole traveling/teaching/life of upheaval that necessarily includes adventure and travel just yet.

I worried too about applying/discussing the position with them when I had this big reservation about taking the job, especially with them wanting you to start or at least interview in person in April. I thought down the road when I'm ready I wouldn't want to have tipped my hand/gotten tangled up in an interview process that I was a bit conflicted about. Even though I DO know that the US is the end of the line.

Then I was talking to my dear friend & expat-leader-of-sorts Keri about just every damned thing, and I told her I didn't think I was done. Funny thing: all I've wanted is for someone to tell me what to do, or at least that's what I've been thinking to myself. Naturally though, I really wanted to make up my own damned mind. Keri doesn't think I'm done either, which she admitted after I'd said it. So-- diving deeper into uncertainty, insanity, stress, but anti-boredom!

Meanwhile my job still sucks, and once/week I have a moment where I am committed to just up & leaving on April 15. Recent events have likewise caused me to consider whether or not my boss is bipolar or a split personality. I won't go into the nutso details of the last few weeks, but suffice it to say that I see no Jen-replacement on the horizon. I believe it wouldn't be 'til June, and I know for a certainty and without reservation or doubt that I will not stay in that school that long.

I will have to leave before they find my replacement. I know that; the expats who've been here for 7 years & longer likewise all agree that this job is worthy of a midnight run (where you leave the apartment & job for a midnight flight out of Korea, no notice at all). Leaving before they've found someone means no letter of release, and no letter of release means I cannot work in Korea until next February when my ARC expires.

I decided that SOMEHOW, SOME WAY I will stay through April because it'll be another month's salary. I will stay on another 11 days or so after THAT since we are paid on the 10th of each month for the previous month. I will make sure the money's deposited, transfer it all to my US account, and get the fuck out. Solely out of necessity, because I'd much rather stay here for a while.

Now the only question is: WHERE? That is what I'm debating now.

It's funny: before I left Chicago to do this, I knew that my one real bucket list item was to live abroad at least once. I knew also that I wanted nothing more than to travel indefinitely like so many of the travel bloggers I obsessively read before/during my preparations to leave. I envisioned living somewhere to build up cash reserves, then travel until money got low, over & over. Interestingly, it's looking like I'll almost certainly end up country-hopping for work because I can't abide the long-term suffering that people 20 years younger are obviously equipped to do. On the one hand, I envisioned country-hopping. On the other hand, I envisioned between-bouts of settling in for a bit. I could definitely have stayed in Korea, were it not for the untenable work situation. Of course, everything's further complicated by the thyroid follow-up in June (though honestly, I could just revisit for that, money allowing, lol). & the fact that Asia is easiest and cheapest, but is also the most aggravating, and largely undeveloped of places I could teach.

This is where the money is, but you know, I view it at this point as hardship pay and I wouldn't do any of those jobs either. I will barely have made any dent on my debt before I have to shove off to a country that pays less. BUT. I can revisit Thailand like I wanted. I can EVEN get that ridiculous/inexplicable niggling in my mind about Vietnam out too. Thailand has shorter-term contracts, and for the ones that don't, when I've had enough, off I'll go again. Funny: I've never EVER been that person. But I'm fully prepared to be her now.

So I spend 1/2 my time excited about getting to try out so many places, and the other 1/2 of my time panicking about where I should go, why, etc.

I'd ask you guys to vote, but that got us exactly nowhere last time, lol. So I guess we'll see where the dark, shady, twisting road leads in the next week or 2.