Because I live in Asia, where food allergies don't exist, & as I've said before, I'm convinced that planes fly over this blasted country dusting everything in flour, it is such a nightmare going wheat-free. Of course my nightmare only begins there, since I now tell people I'm allergic to food, as the God damned list is so fucking long of what I can't eat.
While it was completely anecdotal & there is no science to back it up whatsoever, I've also mentioned before that one guy said he was able eat grains again after 1-2 years with zero wheat, which seems enough time for the body to heal, & for cross-reactions (the body deciding that rice gluten looks JUST LIKE wheat gluten, hence the body reacts to it badly). That has been my goal: 1 year, ideally 2 without any of those things, & then go from there.
I'm sure you can imagine how fucking hard it is to not eat grains period, never mind in Korea where that is EXACTLY & only what's for dinner most nights. (Sometimes I look at my coworkers' dinner & think: marathoner carb loading before a race, or Korean dinner?) & given EVERYTHING I have to avoid now, I'm sure you'll likewise understand that every once in a while, I have to give in & have SOMETHING I'm currently not supposed to be consuming (according to the pros). The food with the smallest/not really noticeable reaction is dairy, so while I do get this little throat-clearing thing that's apparently indicative of an allergy, that's it, so that's the vice. Lately I've been craving ice cream, & today, after a weekend of no sleep, I decided I'd go ahead & have some.
I went into the Baskin Robins/Dunkin Donuts/whatever hybrid I was passing. I still look & make sure I don't pick one with grains (cookies n' cream, for example).
& that cup of ice cream was so fucking good that I decided I'd go to the convenience store & see if they had anything with chocolate swirls. They did have one: it's a Korean company's, & the picture was chocolate chip with some coffee swirls. Good enough!
However when I got home, those little chocolate chips were much smaller-- small enough & soft enough, that they were doubtless some sort of cookie shit.
The BEAUTY of wheat issues is that you are in for a penny, in for a pound: you take a bite of something, swallow it but then think or realize something in there was almost or certainly wheat. You stop eating, but that little amount is going to do the same damage as eating a whole loaf of bread. You swallow a crumb, & that ___ days without wheat resets A-FUCKING-GAIN.
I don't go out to eat. I don't eat what my boss cooks, including heavenly kimchi stew or any other tasty stuff. I don't have even a bite of birthday cake when there's a birthday (EVERY TIME, Anna the head teacher will say, "Oh, you can't have?" & I'll nod, then she'll say, "Just one bite?" & I decline again, while everyone eats cake with really good butter cream frostings that the bakeries here use). It sucks, but I've accepted it. I take the cookies & breads & candy & everything the little kids bring me for presents & give them away or throw them away. NEVERTHELESS, eventually I will try something that seems safe, & wham! the clock restarts.
Admittedly, I'm not doing what I really HAVE to do, which is never eat ANYTHING fried, because deep fried anything in oil that was used to cook something with wheat means your food's contaminated. I RARELY eat out, but when I do, it's something like french fries or things I know aren't made with wheat. Soooo, I'm not 100% because I'm a fucking human being trying to not slit my wrists in Asia so I can eventually make it to Europe. But I'm 98%, which should count for fucking SOMETHING. And yet, it fucking does not. So, will I ever be able to try grains again? It's looking like absolutely not, because I'm never not consuming them in some way, no matter how hard I try.
I'm EXHAUSTED & FRUSTRATED & angry & resentful of all the trying & work I have to do to not eat anything risky.
Funny enough, despite being in Korea, I AM 100% on being rice & other-grain free! I haven't had rice or anything made with it in... it'll be a year this winter. Funny that rice-free is easier here than wheat-free, but here we are.
