My dad should be living in South Korea

Everything here is sold in bulk. If you want to buy a package of dumplings, they come in twos with adhesive around the middle. I bought a smaller pack tonight, and only when I cut off the adhesive to throw away the empty one did I see that, because this was a smaller pack, there were 2 more instead of just one.

I can't buy less than 24 rolls of toilet paper at a time, unless I go to 7-11 and buy a single roll. They have Costco here; I'm no longer sure I want to see, never less could handle, what constitutes bulk here.

Answers to questions. Then, oh Asia, you so crazy!

First, my sister & brother had some questions about my last post, so I'll get to those. Presumably, the housing will be handled as it was with Sara and Nathalie, which was Sara staying in the apartment until the day after her last training day with Nathalie (which was a Friday), and Nathalie stayed at a hotel paid for by Hetty. The next day, Saturday, Hetty coordinated Sara being out and helping Nathalie move in. So I presume (yes, yes, I know, is that REALLY the wisest choice?) that this will go about the same. I am actually going to get started on packing this weekend, mainly packing up the things I haven't been using/needing/wearing yet or often and storing them at my friends' places (which hopefully they're all still willing to do, as they were with my staying with them if I needed a place between jobs), so I'll have a good head start. Because after that, it's just my 2 pieces of luggage (I'm mainly talking about prepacking my liquor, some heavy winter things that are seasonally useless now, lol). THEN I will likely have to join my stuff at a friend's place, because so far, no job, though I've only begun the Korea job search now that it appears I can do so. As for the kids (and me) having to slog through all that math while the kids 2 years older are still just counting fruit and shapes, yes, I will take some of your sympathy, Kris, even if most was for the 4-year-olds, who provided me with even MORE job satisfaction today when I had to do all the cutting out, gluing, and management of nine 4-year-olds doing the same, over-their-heads-but-how-DARLING crafts in 35 minutes. Your heart breaks for them, and my mind was breaking because of them, lol.

The crazy portion of the story is short and sweet, which you might possibly be getting used to from me now (no?). During a conversation about meeting people but mainly girls to hang with, some dating site advice was meted out, advice I disagreed with because, believe it or not, on okcupid here, there are EIGHT men total within a 50 mile radius of me. Since this poster was in the same region/area, I said that. And 2 expats said, "Yeah, a 2-4 hour train ride is totally reasonable dating commuting distance," and, "You'd do it for dinner or drinks!" (the HELL I would!), as well as, "That distance isn't that big and besides, love is worth any distance."

JUST when I'd decided that at least the expat women here were exempt from the fucked-up-Westerners-in-Asia, 2 of them go and say that. I mentioned the Chicago concept of city and burb people largely preferring to not intermingle due to qualifying as long distance, which they scoffed at, as if that was the rookie mistake of any young & foolish naif.

Who the SMEG are these people?!

I have news.

I was informed today by Hetty herself that she has found my replacement!!

Interestingly, this was a few hours after telling me she wanted to talk to me today about how many students in the WRETCHED PKB (post-kinder, they were a GREAT kinder class in the school last year) class had several/many pages in their workbooks inexplicably blank. I hate that class & all the other ones I was dealing with then, so after telling her I had no breaks today, I decided I'd let her know after my classes finished today (today is an earlier day) that I could meet, and would tell her that, as today is the one month mark of my last day, I couldn't give 2 shits about the unfilled workbook pages for kids who literally cannot be bothered to or are too busy talking to their friends/messing around/way too slow completing anything to copy from the board the answers I have to give them, since Asian children only know how to copy, rather than to think for themselves. Oh yes, I was going to let my true animosity shine through!

But after getting that news, I found myself MUCH calmer and receptive to her NEW PAPERWORK!

I was certain this day would never come. After receiving this joyous revelation, I told Kiara, who already knew. Interesting, since this is the FIRST time she hadn't told me about a new teacher, whereas all the other times when there wasn't anyone or they fell through, she told me right away.

Naturally, Hetty doesn't know if she'll be here the end of May or the beginning of June, and I'll stay on 3-5 days to train her (Sara only stayed 3). so I don't know exactly when a new job start date will be, never mind when I have to leave the apartment. It wasn't 'til I got home that I realized, oh, the end of May is in 2 weeks. Sooooo, that'll be less-than-fun, getting everything packed up & out of here in 2 weeks, when I still have food and, more importantly, liquor, here. But the end there, it is SO NEAR!! No more teaching 4 year-olds how to add, or multiply by 3, or do basic algebra (which was in today's lesson)!! No more trying to keep 4 year olds awake in class, and having to come by and help each and everyone one of them write numbers or letters because they won't do it unless you are literally breathing down their neck! No more singing & dancing!! No more Hessed!! NO MORE HESSED!!!

I am so happy, I am not drinking tonight!!

Oh, and in case there are too many words,

and not enough pictures, this is the street I live on. I'd tell you what it's called but I don't totally remember. Plus all the streets here have the same name, so it's Dongbaek-ro or something like that. Anyway, this is what I pass everyday going to/coming from work, a couple blocks from school:

And this is the street I live on, lined with these lovely flowering shrubs:

It only took 5 months or so

before I realized that the the previous teacher's departing gift of face masks should probably be taken up, especially with the awful coughing and nasal issues I was having from the pollution. Ever since I started wearing one around the end of April, the cough is pretty much long gone, as are the nasal issues. But now this is what I look like when I'm outside. I look like a bug.

I thought of posting a pic on facebook, but quite frankly, I look a bit terrifying. Kristin, be careful that the boys (or at least Dayton & Lee) don't see this picture. It'll definitely scare them, and there's always the chance Dayton will begin calling me bug or alien poop. Lol

At the risk of being repetitive,

I posted this link and the pertinent passage on my facebook page, but figured it's worth having it recorded here as well. (So, Mark, you can stop reading, since you directed me to it.) Particularly as it says what I've been finding, just wasn't totally realizing it. And, as I said in the post, I don't think I'd have been able to put my finger on precisely all that it says, and articulate it all, for a good 20 years. Maybe this is also what factors into my boredom and my never-ending search for where I belong. It started off so strong in the first country I've visited, though again I know I like Europe too, it's just a matter of how to get there. So being dissatisfied with where I am when it's not where I want to be or THINK it's where I want to be, doesn't help.

The Curse of the Traveler, from the One Mile at a Time blog (http://onemileatatime.boardingarea.com/2014/09/27/curse-traveler/)

An old vagabond in his 60s told me about it over a beer in Central America, goes something like this: The more places you see, the more things you see that appeal to you, but no one place has them all. In fact, each place has a smaller and smaller percentage of the things you love, the more things you see. It drives you, even subconsciously, to keep looking, for a place not that’s perfect (we all know there’s no Shangri-La), but just for a place that’s “just right for you.” But the curse is that the odds of finding “just right” get smaller, not larger, the more you experience. So you keep looking even more, but it always gets worse the more you see. This is Part A of the Curse.

Part B is relationships. The more you travel, the more numerous and profoundly varied the relationships you will have. But the more people you meet, the more diffused your time is with any of them. Since all these people can’t travel with you, it becomes more and more difficult to cultivate long term relationships the more you travel. Yet you keep traveling, and keep meeting amazing people, so it feels fulfilling, but eventually, you miss them all, and many have all but forgotten who you are. And then you make up for it by staying put somewhere long enough to develop roots and cultivate stronger relationships, but these people will never know what you know or see what you’ve seen, and you will always feel a tinge of loneliness, and you will want to tell your stories just a little bit more than they will want to hear them. The reason this is part of the Curse is that it gets worse the more you travel, yet travel seems to be a cure for a while.

None of this is to suggest that one should ever reduce travel. It’s just a warning to young Travelers, to expect, as part of the price, a rich life tinged with a bit of sadness and loneliness, and angst that’s like the same nostalgia everyone feels for special parts of their past, except multiplied by a thousand.

The worst is over now, right?

I’ve been feeling for the past few weeks that I’m over the culture shock. Coincidentally, Hetty has been off my back for about that long, no idea why, just freaking grateful. I’ve been thinking that’s really what is behind my feeling that I’ve adjusted, but giving it a few more days to mull over, I still kind of feel like it’s more than that, that I have somehow found a comfort level here, and accepted the lack of logic that I can’t change, while still knowing the difference between logic and logical, in a land with no such distinctions.

I’m so sure that I’ve adjusted because sometimes last week and this (really up to Wednesday), I thought I’d just stay on until Hetty DID find a teacher, which she still is no closer to doing at this point. I also thought I could definitely stay if it were possible to just teach elementary kids, not the kindergartners, though that is definitely not an option. In the end though, I counted it: I like 3 of my 6 elementary classes. I have accepted Elmo as my fate and don’t get too upset when they pull their shit, though they have been REMARKABLY better overall since Heidi-teacher came on. If I could just teach Elmo and elementary, I thought, maybe even that would be ok. Because I hate teaching pre-k. Largely because I’m teaching them math. Though I also have to do basic listening and writing practice twice/week with one group, and that also makes me hate life.

I’m completely confident I’ll be leaving Korea now, still don’t know where, still waiting to hear back on one interview, have to work on cover letters to apply for others. But now I’m kind of looking forward to a new country, even though I won’t make as much as here, which I still desperately need. I’m nowhere near caught up, never mind ahead. Someone posted a video on facebook which I shared of Thai students starting their day by doing prayer hands and then hugging the person next to them as they sat in a circle. I’m sure it’s not common, but I just thought, Thailand is the one place I really liked. But, no money there, I’d definitely break even, but that would be it, no putting an extra thousand/month aside to pay off credit card and student loan debt.

Had an interesting realization. We were told yesterday that Circle Time (which I despise, it’s the “exercise” and “warm up” for the kindergartners, where we have to lead them in saying the days of the week, the date, and then sing songs for 20 minutes) and the last 15 minutes of their day which the kids would spend in the playroom, sing a goodbye song with the assistant principal, then head out for their buses, will no longer be done because Ian’s mom (Ian from Elmo, of course) thinks that Eric (also from Elmo, shocking) has been hitting and pinching Ian during those times. Never mind what an instigator Ian is, or that that is just Elmo class, that Ian’s likely making it up, and the parents all know that. In order to protect the ONE child, ALL the children have to have a new plan, rather than just having Ian &/or Eric sit them out. Of course, we’ve found some compromise b/c the kids were confused and it was utter chaos the day we went with the Korean plan of just keeping the kids in the rooms. Sitting. Or whatever. For 15 minutes. The solution to I think anyone reading this is, you take the out the one kid with the problem. But Asia is all about the group, and frowns on individualism. So they can’t do the alternative for one or two students, because that is rooted in individualism. Here, all the kids have to do as the lowest functioning does because group unity is so important. 

Bear with me here,

while I do some thinking.

So, first lawyer felt there wasn't much he could do for me, & I'm to send pics of my contracts & ARC card to lawyer number 2. None of this is a particularly appetizing turn of events, especially given my previous report of Hetty's mourning state, which will add nothing good to her mental state. So I mean, I'll probably do it, but I'm not in the hurry that I've been urged to be in on this.

Had the interview with the Taiwanese company, and all was going well until they asked me a question on the present perfect tense. Last year, I was going over & OVER this tense with my students: when you use it, with different students, over the course of probably 4-6 months. That did me NO good on Thursday when I completely blanked on it. I could not BELIEVE that I just forgot it completely that fast, but I did. Maybe it doesn't mean I completely killed my chances of working there, but I'm not going to hold my breath to see if I get a second interview. Never mind what other grammar question they'll ask that I won't be able to handle.

Still waiting to hear about when the Canadian who owns the school in Japan wants to interview me. He said he definitely does, but is slow to reply. Which is funny, since he said they were in something of a hurry to get their teacher there. I'm still not loving the prospect of Japan, never mind a seemingly good-sized port town that is nowhere near any city I've ever heard of. But the school sounds great.

What ALSO sounded great was teachers in Turkey saying that the country is desperate for teachers because so many have been leaving due to the bombings and stuff. They're in other cities where there aren't any problems. So there is no shortage of jobs, possibly even ones in real schools. It's just that that desperation still hasn't quite reached the paying-enough-for-my-debt levels yet.

What has been the opposite of interesting is that over this nice long weekend I got bored. Really bored. So bored that I went over to see Army guy, who's hardly entertaining. Found out he's a Trump supporter. This is just one example of the harm I've mentioned that comes from my being bored. I spend time with Trump supporters. A TRUMP SUPPORTER!!??????

And my first thoughts when I realized I was bored here already, were that's what people are for. It's only one of many reasons, but still, a reason I'll get in touch with people is when I'm bored. At first it concerned me that maybe I was a psychopath or something, and that maybe that's the only way I see people. I was worried for a few days, until today when I realized I like talking to my friends when they call me, and when I'm wondering just how they're doing. So boredom repellent isn't the sole reason I have friends and get in touch with them.

Then I thought, HOW can I be bored?! I STILL don't speak more than 4 words of Korean, I've hardly seen any of the country... HOW can I be bored?

I talked to Jason this weekend, who wondered what I love to do. I just can't think of anything. I said the one thing I used to love to do, that I was obsessed with doing, and couldn't stop doing enough researching, reading, writing, and experiencing of and about, was traveling. But that isn't really a thing now. I wished again he'd come out here, because I was never bored when he was around. (Nor when I'm talking to Mercedes, though that could also be due to the rarity of the event, lol.) I don't have a Jason or Mercedes here. He asked me if I would go back to Santiago right now if it was just like before: he & I hanging out at his place. I asked if we'd still have to leave to go to work. He said yes. And I mean of fucking COURSE I wouldn't go back! That was what drove me insane in the first place: having to deal with that country. I reminded him of the times I would call him from the train station after work, saying that the 5th train I couldn't squeeze onto had just gone by, and I was fucking done and going home.

So hey! Maybe I don't prefer misery to boredom. Lol.

And I was laying here in my apartment thinking about it, after putting my okcupid profile back up because online dating is what I do when I'm bored. And by the way? Okcupid is DEAD here. There are literally 10 guys in my area on there. I thought that site was everywhere, but no. Which is a saving grace because I don't WANT to date. (I just don't think Aaron and I are. I think we're both using each other to pass our time here. He's looking forward to going back to the US at his 7-month-mark in October. He knows I'm likely leaving. We talk, but not about anything to deep or personal.) But I was grasping at straws of how not to be bored.

So what makes me bored? What makes people bored? And I thought, one thing that makes you lose interest in everything is depression. Interestingly, Mercedes, who's very much against medication, suggested that maybe I should go on antidepressants. In fact, here's what she said, typos and all, as is her habit and wont:

Maybe your doctor could prescribe you a happy pill to improve your mood.  Then you wouldn't hate it so much while you're waiting for your replacement. ;).  But seriously since you haven't been happy anywhere for a why do you think that you're going through a bit of a depression that maybe some other medications would help.  I'm not big on taking medications but I have seen it help some of my friends.  I know that you have all your hopes pinned on Europe.  If you're not in the right mind frame it might not be as great when you arrive. 

I think everyplace is generally great when you're on vacation, but once you have to actually live there is when reality sets in....

If your not in the right in frame when you arrive it may make it harder to deal with things and you may also not end up being happy.  I know your still trying to find your way and get traveling etc out of your system but as you said the more time you spend in a place the more intolerant etc you get.  I've always been more of a cup is half full and you've always been more of the cup is half empty.  But when traveling and dealing with new cultures I think we just have to laugh of the problems and continue. 

She also had an opinion on Jason that isn't totally off-mark, I guess:

I can't think of his name if it's Jason your friend from Chile.  I know you speak to him a lot, and as much fun as he may be to speak to I think he fuels the negativity, which at the end keeps you hating everything.   I know I mentioned that when we spoke.  I thought he was great and funny but sometimes always being negative keeps you in a negative place. 

And she closed with:

Anyway I just want you to be happy and enjoy all of these great experiences that you are having the chance to get.  Tons of people would love to be in your shoes having lived and worked in Chile and now having the chance in Korea.  They are quite amazing opportunities.

 So, Mercedes is usually right about a lot of things, both in general, and when it comes to me. I can see what she's saying about Jason, but honestly, when he was off the grid and not speaking to anyone, it felt like I was missing a limb. There was always a sadness lurking, even when I was completely immersed in the misery of "teaching" 4-year-olds how to add 10,280 to 32,052. As soon as I left work, I'd walk out the door and just miss him. Neither one of us would be better off without the other now. I'll fucking kill him if he ever tries that shit again, and he would be devastated if we weren't friends anymore too. And honestly, I feel BETTER after I talk to him, not worse! There are people I feel worse after I talk to. Yes, he & I are a lot alike, but no, he doesn't spend our conversational time being negative.

But I can't help feeling she might be right about the medication. And Dr. Budisin had suggested that for me as well, but I'd refused, especially because of my thyroid meds, but also because it seemed to me that my unhappiness at that time was due to the life I was leading, not a lack of seratonin in my system.

So, I guess we're going to see how medicated I can get in Korea! The anti-anxiety meds made me feel more normal. Maybe antidepressants will too.

Next steps are about as light as a cement shoe.

So, some changes-of-tactics to report. Veteran teachers who told me to try to get fired (which, as I've said, I didn't really see happening anyway without anyone to come in and take my place) got me in touch with a teacher here for 20 years (!!!!), who knows labor & immigration lawyers. As she got in touch with them with details, she said do not try to get fired. So, ok, Definitely easier for me to do that than the other route.

Apparently, the truly hinky parts aren't the pension plan I'm not in (that's a common one), nor even the slightly-unusual but illegal lunch plan, which is 5 minutes shorter than mandated by law, and since we're still working, likewise isn't legal.

No, the REAL point of interest for him are the dates on my ARC card. They're supposed to be from the start date, or thereabouts (so, for me, January 5 2016) until exactly one month later (so, around Feb 5 2017). Interestingly, the beginning date on mine is 24 November 2015, before I was even in the country, and able to do the health screening and all that other stuff. Plus, I had to sign a new contract with Hetty after she took over, and INTERESTINGLY, that one lists my start date as March 2 2016, and my end date as February 2017. Which I would THINK means I'd not get the severance bonus since that would put my new contract time at JUST under 1 full year. Oh, and my first contract HAD no dates in it at all. Just the first day of teaching, which was unspecified. But then, were those contract dates in play, then the leave date on my ARC would have to be changed to March 2017.

So, still no replacement, and the lawyer wants me to come talk to him on Saturday. So we have a NEW nuclear option. Adding on to the does-it-really-have-to-go-THIS-far stress of it, Hetty's dad died Tuesday night. She left school yesterday in the morning. I can assure you that as much as I dislike her, I've been great because she has left me alone this week, and I sure as hell don't want to bring on law suits when she's mourning her parent.

In the meantime, I still can't look for jobs in Korea because I just don't know if I'll get that letter of release. And I've wanted to stay! I have friends! Make good money! Love the food! Know how to do things! But still looked abroad. I was SUPPOSED to have an interview at 1 PM today with a company in Taiwan. It'd be teaching adults but during normal business hours, has really good perks, etc. The email said they wouldn't contact me right at 1, but it's now 1:55 Taiwan time, and still no movement from them on skype, nor any emails.

There was a job that sounded perfect except it was in some town in Japan, and Japan has never been a draw for me. But they don't believe in English teachers being clowns, and I really liked what I read about their training, beliefs, etc. I applied a good 2 or so weeks ago, and didn't hear back, which I decided was good, because I'm just not sure if the town is big enough. Until today, when the guy apologized for the delay, thinks I'd be the perfect fit, wants to skype interview me soon, though they also I think want me to start soon. & honestly? I'm still waiting to see if once Justin the catfish suspect is back in Korea he'll prove to be what I suspected, or is an actual lovely, great guy. So, that with life I already have= not sure I want to go so soon. Though these other jobs sound great.

Finally there was the invitation on LinkedIn for being the director of education and learning at the Henry Ford, which is a giant museum in Michigan. I really liked doing museum education, though this wouldn't be art at all. It's a huge museum, a bit too big for me to figure out what exactly I'd be directing education around... and it's in Dearborn, Michigan. I'm JUST NOT SURE how good I feel about going from Chicago -> Seoul -> Dearborn. I mean, Michigan has always been great to visit. But to LIVE? MEhhhh,

To close this update up on the first day of our 4 day weekend (YAY!!!!!!!), despite the normal way of these things, I am still hearing from Aaron the boring but nice Army guy, just more rarely. I don't see a point in slowing things down when the total ending seems more sensible, but I have nothing else to do but wait and see, so I'll wait & see.

Keep you updated on wherever all these rabbit holes take me.

Jesus. Is this REALLY better than boredom? I'm living with it all just fine, no doubt thanks to the medication. But still. Never a shortage of shit to report!