Got a pencil & paper?

Because my life requires a score card these days.

Initially, this was because my "love life" required one. There is Nasir, a very polite guy who's actually my age, though only 2 hello messages offline. There's Simohamed, a Moroccan with whom I've been corresponding just a little over facebook for MONTHS, though finally realized the reason he wouldn't set up a date is because his English is too low. Then there's Andrew, who seemed nice, but had no pictures, &, well... you know that won't fly. I gave him my what's app info & we even talked on the phone for a bit, but ultimately I have no idea if we have much or anything in common, including mutual attraction, & he hasn't responded to my message that said just that.

And now we are entering the lightning round, which thankfully only has 2 people: Jorge & Ludwig. Yes. I actually typed the name Ludwig. That is actually someone's name.

Jorge is, again, through some freak of fate, just a few years younger than me. He's in the military, writes like an American, though his accent is thick. Couldn't tell you where... I'm guessing Mexico. He's getting his Masters in engineering, though was already working in the private sector before he joined. He's nice, weirdly (to me, because I just don't encounter it. Ever) open with his feelings. Before we met he said, "Maybe I just really like you & want to see you." Then after we met is all, "when can I see you again?" Good guy... except for that whole not all that attractive thing. Thanks to his desperation to meet me & the fact that he had a big bottle of wine he needed help with, he came over last Thurs night. The wine, sadly, was Gallo, & even WORSE, moscato. It wasn't great, but I still drank a bit. He was plastered, & there was lame drunk sex which I should have just declined, but didn't. So that added an extra dimension of, this-is-not-helping-me-go-for-the-nice-guy over my usual.

At the same time, I had just started chatting with Ludwig, who is, wait for it... a French model. That is his actual job. He's in Seoul for 2 months shooting for.. something, who knows what. The FUNNY thing is, & I could NOT explain it, but I just didn't feel any sense of urgency to meet him initially. At all. If ever. We started chatting on a Sunday night, at around 10 o'clock, & he wanted to come over then. I rolled my eyes & said that night just wasn't going to work, period. In the past, that's usually sufficient for the ridiculously hot guys to decide they have other chicks to chase who have much more accommodating schedules & that's that. Instead, he said to let him know when worked for me. We ended up settling on 7 PM this past Sunday.

We confirmed that time & day the day before, plus the day of... but I STILL SOMEHOW managed in my head to turn that into I had to LEAVE at 7 PM. I didn't realize my sheer idiocy until he texted to tell me which exit he was at. FUUUUUUUCK. Well, suffice it to say I was horrified, terribly upset, b/c I was at least an hour away (& of course him being French, he thinks a 30 minute cab drive is VERY FAR). I asked if he could wait for me & he said he would. I kept a French model waiting. Who'd have thought?

Unsurprisingly, he is incredibly, amazingly good looking, with a truly perfect build. We walked around a park, & made out in said park. After about 2 hours, we decided we should get on our ways, but made plans for him to come to my place tonight, actually. No requests for my address to give the cab driver (like THAT would help in this fuck show where they likewise think an apartment 30 minutes away is too far), & no reply to my message asking if tonight was still ok. Given what I'd gleaned from him, there were 2 options: he fell asleep; or he had flaked on me & it wasn't my problem. Sure enough, at 9:30 he texted that he forgot and fell asleep b/c he worked until 4 AM. I said ok, another time. He said maybe this weekend. *I* stupidly said Saturday night was the only time I couldn't, so he told me maybe tomorrow night, & he'll tell me tomorrow.

Terrific. I either will have a nice, quiet Friday night to myself, or a night with a French model with little knowledge beforehand.

Suffice it to say, Ludwig is especially bad for Jorge, given that he's... a great kisser & a French fucking model. Who for reasons I still can't fully grasp or accept, wants to see me, even if it means he has to wait, or my idiocy or his work hours come up as obstacles. Jason isn't loving his "maybe, I'll tell you then." It does leave something to be desired, but meh. It's good for now. & unfortunately, more interesting than my wanna-be boyfriend, Jorge.

The OTHER news.

I've known I'd need to stay in Korea for at least another year. My only decision was whether I'd stay at my school, which I really like, or try to get into a school down in Bundang, because that's where all my friends live. (Anyang isn't far by US standards, but it is by... everyone else's, particularly the public transport's, which stops running at 11:45- midnight because Seoul made a deal with the taxi drivers. And while it's only about $25 or so to my place from Seoul, somehow it's $35-$40 from Bundang.)

In the end, I decided it's better to stay where I know the people and school are good. I love the kids, the teachers are, with one exception, great. I have a good apartment, especially for one I didn't have to hunt down & arrange the housing allowance for. 

Sue pulled me aside last week to ask what my plans were since my contract is up in July. When I told her I wanted to stay, she said, "You want to stay with me? Even with air pollution and crazy Trump and North Korea?" She hugged me, & I'll get an extra $100/month.

I ended up feeling even better about my decision when I was talking to my friends down in Bundang, and they were saying there aren't many jobs except bad ones there now because of the high competition to teach there. So no new learning curve next year!

The only other thing to add is I was surprised on Sunday with an invitation to Easter dinner with my friends Korelia and Simon. They'd been posting the baking that, well, Simon was doing the night before on fb. I guess they decided at the last minute to have more than just the 2 of them. I was not only honored to be one of the two guests they invited (and only have room for), but to my COMPLETE surprise and delight, they made the whole main dish paleo!! Roasted chicken with apples and cabbage and the, to me, show-stopping spiced squash. Dessert was almond apple pudding-- funnily enough I didn't eat the digestive biscuit crust, only to wisely I MUST say agree to try the hot crossed buns, which I'd never had before, and they were just great. So while I'm sadly no closer to my friends, I'll still be here another year not far from all the great people I've met.

Only other update is, what with my ENT guy's office being mysteriously closed for at least a week due to a traffic accident he's guilty of (? courtesy google translate), I tried the clinic down the street from my building. I'd say Dylan exaggerated that doctor's English a bit, but she prescribed... something. Probably exactly what my ENT guy did.

I also went to see if I could make sure the shin is just sprained rather than fractured. This got off to a rough start because the family clinic's nurses pointed up & held up 6 fingers for my leg. Going up to the 6th floor brought me to English underneath the Korean which told me I was at a coloproctology clinic. Not entirely sure what that was, though the proctology part seemed particularly NOT what I needed. 

I got back on the elevator & went up & down, waiting for google translate's camera to decide that it COULD handle the signs in the elevator. Not sure who helped the 6th floor clinic with their translating, because google assured me that clinic's name had orthopedic in it.

Naturally I couldn't figure out where to put my phone number or address on the ubiquitous slips of personal info clinics have, particularly since google translate was once again not up to the task of translating. 

This doctor seemed more comfortable with English, but I was still so frazzled by trying to explain problems and write in Hangul and read shit that doesn't mean anything that after telling him I think I had a sprain (note: shin splint, not surprisingly, doesn't translate), that when he asked if my shin, which looked completely fine & hurt very little (as opposed to the past 4 days, including when my shin actually WAS inflamed and swollen on Sunday night) had had direct contact, I just said yes. He felt it & said there wasn't a fracture, good news, & seemingly obvious now with the swelling & inflammation gone, but we were all of the decision on Sunday I needed to see a doctor about it right away. He declared it a contusion, but the ice pack and electromagnetic massage he prescribed was helpful.

I think that the 35 minute walk home is a bit too much for it right now, so I guess totally resting it before resuming mobility like a normal human being will be required for a bit.

So I guess shin splints really are JUST that fucking painful, & that walking as much as usual will result in the shin becoming swollen and inflamed. I suppose it's good to know, even if I'd preferred never having to have any idea about any of this at all.

The odd end.

That's really all there is to it, because the internet clearly finds it odd that I have this injury, as it keeps telling me that my being a runner makes me so susceptible to it. Shin splits, pecifically & only on my left. It is PAAAAAAINFUL as a motherfucker. I didn't even DO my HIIT workout this week!

Apparently, aside from running, I could have incurred mine from inadequate shoe support, which makes a LITTLE sense since I've been doing my plyo/HIIT workouts barefoot. It's only twice/week! In any event, that's what I suspect did it. HOW that could have done it when I do some yoga stretching everyday, including down dog, and my calves have NEVER felt tight, the left one is just SOO pissed off.

It started Thursday. I feel it mainly when I'm walking. Funny: it says walking is good exercise for it, but every step hurts. Today the 10 minute walk to the bus stop almost had me limping. I saw that some shin splints are from fractures. I cannot FATHOM how I could have done THAT, but I'm thinking next week when I go see a doctor (my ENT guy's office was dramatically closed last Tuesday until this Tuesday, because he was guilty of a car accident... ?!?! God I hope the guy's ok, but wtf happened that he's out for a week due to guilt?) that maybe I'll see if GP can determine if it's that or will respond to stretching.

ALSO funny that yesterday after walking home from work, 35 minutes or so, this 12 or so minute yoga sequence for shin splints felt rather good on it, but today, it was torture.

The only other news is I was a bit duped by a student. Bill is a good kid, he was absent a bit, failed many vocabulary tests, but did ok in the book. Friday when I had them checking all of their unfinished workbook homework, Bill said that he unaccountably found a new, blank workbook in his book bag, which of course isn't his because nothing is done.

Welllll, ok, actually, I didn't so much believe him as express momentary surprise & tell him to look very carefully at home for his real one, since he has to complete the missing parts for homework. So I just kept telling him to look carefully because it's not going to be fun to have to do all twelve units this weekend, but mostly I was just trying to keep a lid on the otherwise slightly crazy class.

I hadn't given much thought to it's probability until I came to the teacher's lounge after class to tell his Korean homeroom teacher, and Dylan walked in & burst out laughing about what tremendous bull shit THAT was. Ahhhh, yes, it is, I thought then. Poor Bill. What a long weekend.

When the punishment doesn't turn out how you expected it would.

One thing I've learned since starting this whole teaching elementary-to-middle-school age range that writing is a punishment. They'll write in their books of course, however much they're supposed to, but if you give them EXTRA writing for homework, THAT'S when kids associate writing as the result of doing something wrong.

I have a class of 3 middle school boys whom I just love: Jay, Roy, & Leo. I think every teacher who has them loves them-- I know Jennifer the Korean teacher has come back from their class talking about how funny they are. And they are, even though they're doing pretty much all of their joking in Korean. But hey, this is English class, so I usually start insisting on English.

One day, Jay & Roy were talking about a rapper and farting because, of course they were, they're males, and the male sense of humor for the majority reached maturity at 8 years old. Still, being a woman, plus having a brain means it really doesn't register how these 2 things can be laughter-inducing for over an hour. There must be other stuff being said.

& because I know these kids are capable of being silly and talking in English, I tried my usual punishment on Jay & Roy when it felt like they just weren't listening to me at all. They were to write down everything they'd said the past 5 minutes, & then their homework would be to translate it. I figured this last part would be the real punishment, although Jay kept saying he couldn't remember anything he had just said, including what he'd say in Korean at that moment to Roy. I know google translate is a mess, but it's a start.

To my great surprise, both boys translated their short paragraphs in maybe 5 minutes. And lo & behold, it was no different than the summary they'd given before. Except for my personal favorite part, where Roy interrupts himself when talking to Jay & Leo to apologize to me... in Korean. (Also note that Jay is guilty of the Korean speaker's inability to distinguish between L & R.

Jay
The video is very fun! Ha Ha. How can the lap appear? Ha Ha. He has brave "Hello, I will take fart. Ha. There is [he actually drew a rectangle here] Maybe He spent a lot of time to make the lap. Then, there was a funny happens. All of students laughed. ' 산이 [or 산디, I can't tell which the last is]' said good words for him.

Roy
Check! I'm the Korean the top class Hip pop nobless... hahaha! That rap is so fun! haha I don't know the lyrics, but it is so funny, haha! Check I'm the Korean the top class... sorry! teacher. You see the Ujin Kim's prank? That is so fun! haha. You know tail shin's rap? That's BGM is so good.

At least for today, it's on.

For those who somehow don't know, today's average guy is less intelligent, uglier, fatter, balder, romantic, and worthy of much attention than ever before. But that doesn't stop them from sending one-word messages to 20 women at a time and seeing who responds. Today, I just felt like not letting them get away that.

Lori-Jaide may recall the last time I didn't let a guy get away with being an ass online. This isn't completely scathing, but I flatter myself to say it is at least entertaining. To me, at least.

James had the misfortune to just write, "Hi". From here on out, conversations will be color-coded, with my font being in a different color, since my responses are brimming with more life than theirs:

Ahhh, I see you belong to the group of people who think one word leaves SO. MANY. OPENINGS for conversation! Will they respond, and if so, how? What zany or fun or mundane topics will it lead to?? More than likely though, in the TL;DR world, you just thought you'd say hi. So hi!

Hello
😄

Welll, hey, at least you're well-acquainted with the shift key. Proper capitalization is important, even if, apparently, punctuation isn't!

So you've graduated from one, 2-letter word to one, 5-letter word and a picture. We're making progress! In a couple days, we could have you at picture-book level writing! 😄

Omer wrote, "Hi," so I responded: 
Lucky you, you caught me on the ONE DAY that I've decided to strike back at every one-word, not-specific-to-my-profile or anyone with some stream of consciousness. Currently I'm figuring out where to start on updating my blog. I had my premier at a burlesque show to write about, the funny translations 2 of my students had to write of their funny conversation while talking in my English class in Korean, the 3 Italians I've met since being here in Korea, the last 2 being complicated in ways I could NEVER have predicted. Plus, why I said double for an espresso at the cafe when a single was offered and I knew that would be the better choice for me. I REALLY should get prepping to cook my meals for this week, but I just want to sit and not do that or much of anything else. So here I sit, drowning strangers in words to counteract the malaise of the typical male who thinks blanketing several women with one-word messages is a lottery he can win!

All I've got for this guy is his username, moonrisewolf who wrote, "Hi there"

God, I feel like I've had this conversation before. Where have I seen-- OH YEAH!! EVERY. OTHER. GUY. EVERYWHERE. You have no profile, and didn't read mine, nor I'd say the other 20 women you sent this to.

I give him surprising credit for responding: "hahaha sooo true" and, "also, i would like to see how you start a conversation to new people without saying hey hi hello how are you.​"

Afraid I can't do that, slick, I've got stuff to do. If I ever open up an advising service to men who can't figure out read, then write about what you read, you'll be the first to know!

Anymore to report, I'll be sure to update you. I'll leave you with this EXCELLENT meme related to the pitfalls of online dating: