It has happened again.

I have to use youtube videos for my background music, since spotify won't work without subscription, and everything else is blocked, even with a VPN. So this means that there are short ads that play before some songs. 

One ad has this catchy little song in the background that I SO want to hear in its entirety, but I CANNOT FIND the name of the song or artist ANYWHERE. I can find the video in longer and shorter versions on the company's website and on its facebook page. But credits for the song used? HELLLLL NO. It is driving me fucking batty. 

In this country, if you say anything bad about a person or particularly a company, particularly online, you can get sued for libel. It's that easy. But they have no effing qualms about not crediting the musicians in their stupid ads. All I know is that apparently the girl who appears in it is Yuna Kim, the "famous" (to them) figure skater. Not that that even helps because she appears in several. 

I tried playing the video and using Shazam, but either the other noises in the video were interfering, or it just doesn't know the song, because it just said I should try again, closer to the speaker. I am just out of options, but cannot seem to run out of the futility of continually trying and trying again. Why does Korea do this to me? WHY WHY WHY???

Bear with me here, as I get all metaphysical on your ass.

Back to working out this week, whatever that turns out to be, since as I said, taking last week completely off showed me that, as they say, anything that makes your face red (like physical exertion) will worsen your rosacea. Another thing I noticed was that not ONCE did my plantar fascitis bother me. It usually hurts a little when I'm doing basic yoga poses like warrior, but last week, not one step or moment was tinged with any pain in my heel.

While my upper body of course lost tiny ground fitness-wise, I'm amazed to say that I did 3, 1-leg squats on each leg without once bringing the lifted leg down, just up and down with that leg in the air. I got about 6 total that way on each leg, which I can assure you is a record these days.

I've decided after my tabata I'll just do stress relieving yoga. In the one I tried today, the woman told us some affirmations. The first two were fine: "I am at home in my body, and all is well," and ""Every decision I make is the right one for me,"

But the 3rd one really threw me for a loop: "I love every cell in my body." All I could think was, there are immune cells in my body that went rogue and have been fucking me up for 7 years. I can't love those cells, I'm fighting those cells and the shit they do! I have to fight this shit. And then, I suddenly thought, that whole self-acceptance thing is to accept your flaws with everything else. Accept that I'm broken? That's what it feels like. How can I accept that and not feel like shit?

So, self acceptance is accepting this and not fighting it? That would probably allow me to stop resenting my health issues. But that goes against everything I thought I was supposed to do.

Just to grind the point home, she added: "In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. I no longer choose to believe in old limitations and lack. I now choose to begin to see myself as the universe sees me: perfect, whole, and complete." Which again really upset me because I thought, how could I be seen that way when so much shit is wrong with me?

Though I guess it's funny that my conscious mind thinks, "fight!" when my body's already fighting itself. I'm fighting fighting with fighting. Writing it out makes it seem like a pretty wrong-minded approach. Also? I find it really funny that when I get upset I really feel it in my throat, I guess near my thyroid. Though I guess everyone does, hence getting choked up, and then another funny thing is that Marcelina and me (I think?) were both told by our Peruvian spiritual guide that he felt we both had blockages in our throats.

Well, anyway, that's where I am. It's one thing to know you have to accept the bad and good when you passively hear it and aren't preparing to act on it; it's another when you are confronted with actually doing it. It's an extremely hard concept to swallow. Thoughts?

Change of Plans

Originally, for Christmas, I was going up to the Pyeonghon region (I could look it up, but it really can be a bitch to get the wifi to move along like a good little doggy at school). My friend Jennifer was wrangling people together, where we’d stay near a big park & ski resort, and all eat dinner at Jennifer and her father’s (I guess) rather large room there (God knows it was expensive!). And I wondered about doing the reliability of booking.com’s distance markers, and did my best to double check it, but Jennifer just found out today that a few of us, me included, were lied to by booking.com about how close we were to her. So we’d have to scrounge up taxis or see if there was a shuttle bus available to the park where she’s staying.

November was a very expensive month for me, what with those extra expenses that I THOUGHT I’d budgeted for but clearly hadn’t. Already, I’m hopefully seeing a new dermatologist on Friday, and the 2 nights in Pyeongchon was going to be another 168,000 won. Not to mention the 80,000 I’m sending tomorrow night to the girl who sold me her oven (which I spent a few hours on Saturday getting it as clean as I could, leaving me wondering if millennials know how to clean). And while nothing is definitive for my birthday, it being my 40^th, the one thing I was thinking of was going to a really nice hotel for the weekend, maybe having friends visit and drink and eat chocolate and nonsense there, and/or go to one of the premiere cocktail bars in Seoul. Oh, and I TOTALLY NEED a shelf on which to put the oven so I’m no longer baking on my floor. Which means, oh you know, money. Not to mention the money I need to ship off every month to pay my bills back home. So, financially, cancelling the trip was kind of a relief. The other thing is, I just don’t mind being alone for any extended period of time, even at Christmas, mainly because Christmas is nice, but it’s not the holiday I care about the most. I spent Christmas at home one year and made a big paleo feast. What with my sweet oven that I’ll be using every day this week, my slow cooker, and saving money on the hotel and expense of getting to, from, and around Pyeongchon, I’m totally fine with staying home.

So there we are with that. Aaron got a promotion in Army (nod to Buster in Arrested Development), so he’s moving to the bigger and nicer officer’s quarters. Or something. Maybe it isn’t officer’s quarters since he was already a staff sergeant, but he’s really excited because it’s twice the size of his old place and has a kitchen. I’m thinking it may also include his own private bathroom (instead of the one he shared with his neighbor. Thank God they were both good at keeping it clean). He was moving this weekend, so I’m going to see it on Saturday.

Lastly, I am actually enjoying the Sunday English lesson, even though it does mean getting up early on Sunday and making impossible my attending anything else in the afternoon, including the jimjilbang outing I was SOO looking forward to. And God knows were they LIFESAVERS during my month-of-running-out-of-money-super-fast. My sister needlessly reminded me that they’re open 24 hours. I haven’t gone to one yet because:

1. Going on the weekends would, I think, mean they’d be super crowded;
2. I’m not getting up early during the week to relax so that I don’t want to go to work, and I can’t go after work because that’s when I eat and workout;
3. I’ve heard enough stories of expats not being let in because we’re foreigners. There are clubs who won’t let foreigners in, and there are jimjilbangs where you have problems too. Not that many, from what I’ve seen, but it has happened. I could tolerate it more with company, particularly if someone with me speaks Korean (plus we were going to a nice one in Seoul with an English page, so it seemed like a safer bet).

Ohhh, I could totally go the week of my vacation!

See that? That 168,000 won I’m not spending on the hotel was already spent a while ago. Though jimjilbangs are pretty cheap, so at least there’s that.

Anyway, we’ve been having our English lesson at the apartment of one woman, who made kimchi jjigae (stew) for me because I love it. We discussed my rosacea quite a bit for some reason, and next week, she’s going to make kimchi pancakes but with rice flour instead of wheat.

Ohhh, and yeah, speaking of, I was off my diet last week because I couldn’t afford to buy food to make for lunch. And the antibiotic I was using for the rosacea stopped working a good 2-3 weeks ago. That dermatologist wouldn’t prescribe anything else. And my skin is an absolute mess. So, I’m trying everything on the natural sites I can til hopefully better options on Friday: meditating to alleviate stress; consuming turmeric and ginger; doing the oil cleansing method so my skin won’t get so dry; and backing off wheat, dairy, and what the hell eggs for this week too. Plus I’ll just do some yoga instead of my usual HIIT workouts, because exercise can be another aggravator, believe it or not. I’ve always known that, but it’s my workout, so I’ve just ignored it. It’s fine, I was probably due a recovery week of sorts anyway.

In January we start the winter intensive where we all get to come in Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays for almost all of January at 10 instead of 1:30. I’ll, of course, be doing the little kids for 2 hours. Not enough kids signed up in July, but I’m pretty sure I won’t escape this time either. Which sucks, EXCEPT for that whole getting-paid-extra part. That I wouldn’t mind at all. For this reason, Sandra said this coming Sunday is our last class. That didn’t last long at all! The other reason it’s ending is because Sandra’s leaving the school at the end of January, and she’s not sure if Sue would be ok with our classes when Sandra no longer works here. Honestly, I’m thinking maybe I’ll suggest we can still meet, and just do an English lesson lunch, because I really do enjoy the ladies. 

Irritants

I figured it was time to update (again) on all things Jen since they have changed somewhat.

Let's see!! Ok, first, wanted to go to an endocrinologist in Suwon, and made an appointment with the MUCHO helpful English assistants there. The only problem is, I'm not on the national insurance plan. Prior to this appointment, that was no big deal. It was something of a big deal to get to this hospital, taking a good 1-1.5 hours, which it not being Seoul, is a little much. But get in to see him, and tell him my current dosage, which is 250 mg. He was astonished, and said that was extremely high for someone my weight. This doesn't really surprise me. Since I'd eaten before coming in, he wanted me to come in the next day for a blood test, then next week for an appointment to discuss results. Plus gave me a week's worth of meds.

I go back the next day, and luckily you have to pay before you have anything done. Now, Sophia, the English assistant (who even showed up in the waiting room!), had warned me that I'd have to fork over whatever money was required. Which was fine, because that's been in the $150 range up to now. But that day, I don't know WHAT he was going to have them do with my blood, but it was going to cost 415,000 won. Which is, well with the won being in free fall now, probably only $375 or so, but still, I was NOT, NOT NOT NOT expecting anything like that. If you want me to pay such an exorbitant amount, I'd gonna need a warning and some time to get money squirreled away for that. So I said no way, canceled the appointment next week, and went ahead to the Itaewon Foreigners Clinic. This is the doctor I went to for anti-anxiety meds who was unaware & unconcerned if the meds would interfere with my thyroid meds. So he ordered blood test, gave me 100 days' worth of my meds at the 250 level, and sent me on my way, with the pleasant surprise that he'd email me the test results.

Unsurprisingly, for the first time in my life, I'm hypERthyroid, so he told me to knock back down to 200. Easier said than done, because the more nuanced levels we have in the west (I was at 137 for 2-3 years) don't exist here. No, you have 50 and 100. 150 was closest to 137, but that wasn't working anymore, so up we went to 200. But the (different doc, at a clinic that moved but hasn't posted where yet, so no way to reach them) doc said I was STILL a little low, so up to 250. So maybe 210 or 225 would be better? Well, we'll never know, since that would require me doing a much better job of splitting the pills with my knife than I've been able to thus far. And the genius at the Itaewon Clinic prescribed 150 and 100 mg pills, instead of 50s and 100s, so once again, to go down to 200, I'd have split some of the 100s. I meant to ask at school if the pharmacists would take them back and split them themselves since the doc said to go down.

All of this also happened around the time I'd gone to the bank on Tuesday night to take out cash (80,000 won) to buy an oven from a departing expat! But I apparently didn't have that much in my account. Nope, I had 63,000. For about 2 weeks. Apparently, when I took into account the extra spending I'd do for the hotel for the ball, I didn't account for the extra doc visits, and that did me in. I was able to fill the prescription and pay my electric bill, but that all took it down a bit more. I'm currently at about 10,000, I'd estimate, but luckily my friend Lisa here told me she uses Western Union to transfer money, because it's only $15, compared to the $35 or so that my bank charges me. I had about $100 extra floating in my US account, but because I opened it while here, I don't have the ATM card (not that I'm even sure I can use it abroad, since I just found out that I can't make international transfers from it). Fortunately, Mark helped his super-cash-strapped sister, and since I wasn't getting the same options as him due to not using a VPN for the US options, I transferred the cash to him & he sent me through Western Union.

Which brings us to our NEXT adventure, having to find these banks. There are banks around me that have Western Union, but I don't know where they are. The addresses don't mean much to me, even though they're all in English. My map app wasn't finding those addresses, but it did find one. When I got there, though, no, they don't have Western Union. But it seemed to be a question they got a lot, because there was a little map printed out that she gave me. Which would be helpful if I could find street names and knew exactly which way to from there, but that wasn't the case. She sweetly put the address into google maps, though google maps isn't very helpful because it isn't really used here so not always accurate, but more than that, it always shows a diagonal line from where you are to where you're going, rather than the street routes you need to take.

That's ok, I'll do my best-- at least until my phone died with 77% battery. Lately it shuts down if I'm using any app and it's at 30%, but this was a new hell to contend with. I had my portable charger, but it was having trouble recognizing it was being charged. It was back to 70%, so I shut off all the apps, and was lucky enough to see that the corner I was on, trying to figure out how to get to the place the woman was trying to direct me to, was named after a bank that was listed on the Western Union site. I went in & waited, with just the notes open with the Korean translation which seemed to be making enough sense to get across what I needed. In 4 minutes of sitting inside, it lost 40% power. SOooo, apparently I also need a new phone! Awesome. Because I DEFINITELY don't have the money now (though I do have 114,000 won left after buying eggs and broccoli last night, thanks to the influx from my US account), but even with money, that shit's ridiculously expensive here.

The phone is fine today, and someone mentioned cold weather, so maybe it's that. Who knows.

What I DO know is that in addition to everything else I'm switching dermatologists. The guy I was seeing here trained in the west (please see my previous post about dermatologists here), but has been doing the usual: antibiotics for the pimple-like cystic shit on my chin. That worked... for two months, but now it doesn't again. Big surprise, antibiotics are not good to be on long term, though I was for a decade for the acne of my youth. I know that, and in Chile that guy knew it, and gave me an anti-inflammatory which worked just fine. When I asked this guy to do that, he said no, this was the only course of treatment for it, and something about needing to stay off of steroids with rosacea. Huh. Had no idea the 2 are the same. Found another clinic that apparently was recognized by the US Department of Defense because so many military people used it, so we'll see how that goes.

Other than that, just amazed at the shit show Trump got himself and the US into by accepting a call from the Taiwanese president. I had no idea that was our policy, but am not surprised by it, especially since Taiwan hasn't officially declared independence anyway. But I don't love kowtowing to those nut jobs, even though it is so massive population and economy-wise. While we're on the subject, I'd like the thank China for being such an enormous influence throughout Asia that lots of Asia, Korea included, have plenty of Chinese customs. In addition to a Confucian approach to education and society, Koreans have the noisy eating custom. You know, it was never a big deal, but after 11 months, it is. The longer I'm here, the more I think, could you PLEASE, at least TRY to chew SOMETHING with your mouth closed? I can deal with the noodle-slurping somehow, but eating like a cow is really fucking getting to me. Not enough to say anything, lol. It's a cultural thing and not my place, even if there's an official name in English for people who despise noisy eaters because it's such a thing. There are so many things that don't align here vs home. We have to offer an extra 6 hours/week of classes in January, provided I get students to sign up for mine, which I will now since they know me. I have to think of lessons. One I thought of was manners, because none of my students except the advanced middle schoolers know the word "rude," and it's not the middle-schoolers who are rude. I'm forging ahead because I have no idea what else to do there, but it's all a cultural lesson. Chew with your mouth closed? That's a Western thing, they don't do that here. Say, "Excuse me," when you bump into someone? Again, that's us in the West, here they don't, which still does annoy me. The number of things that turn out to be cultural are astounding. I'm sure I mentioned the leaf pile thing? I had to write a fall-themed conversation for a young class. So I wrote about one of the kids liking to jump in leaf piles. But the kids didn't get it, because:

1. They don't have yards, they live in apartments;
2. So no one has to rake up the leaves that fall;
3. And they have lots of ginkgo trees, which have the smelly seeds, so they probably wouldn't be encouraged to jump into those anyway.

I thought it was dependent on seasons, but nope! Hay rides, leaf piles, Veterans Day/Armistice Day... none of these things are things here. So, as you see, the cultural adjustments continue unabated. I think I'm just too stubborn to acclimate to the point where here is normal so that reverse culture shock will ever be a thing. I like the kind I had after coming back from South America, where everything was delightful because it was fully intelligible to my mainly monolingual ears, and everything was easy, food was tasty, and shit was just the way it's supposed to be. For me. An American who loves America for a couple months, then has to get the hell out. Yeah, I have no idea either. Jason is moving to Chicago, he said he just really doesn't like cities, and begged me to drop my contract and come back so he could be happy in Chicago. And then I said yeah, but I like the school and being able to pay off debt, but then we're right back to that whole me getting bored to death there. Maybe it'd help if Jason's there, since we got each other through the hell of Santiago, but I'm not sure. For his part, he just got a job, and after Chile he just doesn't want to leave the US again. Jesus, what the fuck show will do to you. Lol. 

Well, you've endured a long enough post. Until next time when I have too much shit to report.

Ahhh, the little things!

Those sometimes fun & entertaining or pesky & irritating little things. Little things like the stairs that you must use to cross some streets, which were built by some mysterious race of people who are FAR, far shorter than I, the Koreans, and possibly the pygmies, yet the height of these stairs was made to the scale of this mysterious race of super-short people.

 Unless they're supposed to be ramps with super angular bumps in them? They're just deep enough that your foot fits, but their height is the perfect height to be a rather tremendous bother. Why are they this height? And why, then, are the stairs inside buildings so damned high? It's like doing box jumps, for God's sake.

Another little thing is that I now have to subsist largely on pork because the chicken at the store isn't tasty. What do they feed the chickens, garbage and flavorless corn? I'm honestly surprised there can be these big differences in flavors for the same animal. My Koreans students went to the US & one said that the pork there wasn't very good. I was puzzled by this, until now. I guess Korea has better pork, hence they eat much more of it. A good example would be the departments at the store. Here is the chicken section at the Lotte Mart, a pretty big Target-like store here:

And here is the one for pork.

 I know you can't see it, but that entire square is different cuts of pork. The only section as big or bigger would be the fish, which I'll have to photograph one day, though also record, since the guys working in the fish & meat sections yell all day. There are tanks with lobsters & crabs, or bins full of SUPER fresh crabs, beautiful fish, the whole seafood section smells like the ocean.

Another little thing is having a good hair day when I didn't leave my apartment all day except to get more pork. As is the fact that the A, Z, Q, 1, caps lock & tab keys on my keyboard no longer work, so I have to use my on-screen keyboard for those letters. & yet, who knows how long it'd take whoever fixes computers here to fix that? I'd have to go up to Seoul & that's SUCH an undertaking.

My freezer is very little. It's smaller than a shoebox (bottle for reference)

& that's after I turned the temp down so the wall of frost would shrink & give the small top shelf of my fridge a bit more room, but also a lot more water since the small defrost meant the wall of frost melting. I'll take a pic of that too, so you can see why a freezer is on my shopping list, right below an oven. What I wouldn't give for an oven, though I just got a crock pot last weekend & am using it a hell of a lot already.

Tomorrow after giving a private English lesson to one of the teachers at my school & some of the women at her sister-in-law's meditation studio @ 11, and why YES, IS super-early for me, particularly on a Sunday! She asked me in front of the whole studio, what could I say? Then they'll treat me to lunch, which would be lovely except that Sandra can't seem to remember I can't eat anything here since there's wheat in practically everything. Though this close to Thanksgiving, I'm lots more flexible. While I can't actually go to any dinners on Thursday or Friday because I work til 10, & Saturday is the lonnnng-awaited St. Andrew's Ball, which we're very much hoping that my gowns will arrive in time for. Kristin kept forgetting to send them, which is very understandable due to her having 3 kids! Plus shipping's expensive anyway. My lovely friend Dannie reminded me that postage to send to Aaron on base is cheaper, so we had her send the package there. They don't express to bases, unfortunately, though the guy at the post office was confident it would arrive on Tuesday or Wednesday here. We shall see. The very good news is that if by chance they don't, which worried me a lot because I did't want to have to buy dresses & spend MORE money is that 2 women on the expat women in Korea site have dresses I can borrow for free, just have to pick the one up tomorrow.

***********

And now it is tomorrow, or of course today  but yesterday's tomorrow. I have the dress, which fits perfectly, & also have some paleo baked goodies! This sweetheart of a woman enjoys baking in her spare time, posted to the expat women page offering her services, & she was up to experimenting with paleo. Next up I'm going to send her some money so she can buy the ingredients & create a recipe of her own choosing.

The English lesson was actually fun-- Sandra had found a whole list of excellent conversation topics, so today's was the first on the list, how important money is to you, including which is more important, love or money; and do you think you could be happy if you were poor? Interesting conversations.

Well, I guess the only other thing of interest is that the guy I was quasi-seeing in Chile is still getting in touch every 2 months or so. He misses me more each time I hear from him, which is oddly increasing now, when I really want to know where was all this ardor when I was there? Trying to see him regularly was like herding cats, a strange metaphor for this example, yet it feels perfectly apt when applied to Joel. 

OH, there WAS one last thing: I'd discussed this with Mark. Got a reduced rate for the night of the ball at the Grand Hyatt, where it's being held. The price is around $150,000 won lower... but it's still 200,000 won. When I was looking at google maps, it was showing hotels close by that were quite a bit cheaper, so I thought, since I won't be there in the room to enjoy it 200,000-won-worth, I shouldn't stick with that room. However, it turns out that the cheaper rates were for those nights, the night I was looking, a Tuesday. Now the prices are the same or only 50,000 won cheaper. Given the need to then get a cab to them, I'm thinking I may as well just stick with the pricier but much more convenient on-site room. Don't worry, you'll hear all about it in a later post. 

Oh yeah. Taiwan.

Don’t know why, but I suddenly remembered I never wrote about my trip to Taiwan to visit Mercedes & Andy. I’d say the trip had more personal significance than anything else. It was really just to see Mercedes & Andy, with the added bonus that Mercedes & I were going to go through our high school reunion page because ffs, it has been 20 years since we graduated.

First impressions, I have to say I really liked the airport. Second, it was hot & humid, & Mercedes & Andy assured me that the temperature had dropped since the week before. They have a pretty nice place, though I’ll admit I was surprised it was so small because that’s not usually Mercedes’ MO when it comes to traveling. It was nice, & surprisingly educational because I learned that their washer was also a dryer, but the dryer has no settings, except what should be called scorched, as the dryer has burned holes into their sheets. Hanging them to dry as their neighbors do isn’t an option, because they hang their clothes on lines out the windows. The humidity will definitely not let them dry, but the other issue is, most horrifying to me, that their cockroaches fly.

Taipei struck me as pretty clean & modern. The people, few that there were because it was a Lunar holiday so most people were gone, struck me as overall pretty good-looking—better-looking than the Koreans, which is funny because Korean dramas are very popular there, & I was told they think a lot of the stars are really good looking. So, it was far too small a sample of people to get much of an idea of anything except my terror of the cockroaches covering the sidewalks at night. I can’t tell you how terrible I feel for Mercedes having to witness every scream & jump that occurred really every few feet every night. Apparently when the Taipeians are away the sidewalks are theirs.

I also learned a lot about Mandarin, which Mercedes & Andy were staying in Taiwan to study. For one thing, there are 2 scripts. Simplified, which is the one used in mainland China now, which came from the Cultural Revolution. And classic, which of course has lots more lines & is what is used in Taiwan. Basically, as you’d guess, simplified was supposed to make the ornate characters simpler, to make reading & writing easier. Their friends in Taiwan suggested they study classic because it’s what’s used there & would allow them to read simplified too. Funnily enough, that seems only to be true to native speakers, because honestly, to my totally untrained eye & Mercedes’, uh, much more studied eye, there is little resemblance at all, so they can’t read simplified, & switched to that—the impetus for Mercedes to learn Chinese was working in China all those years but never being able to speak it. Initially, it was so when she went back to visit she could better communicate, but she is considering working for a year or two, if she can, so that they money spent on travelling the world could be made back & put toward building her own home, as she has always wanted.

Leaving the reading and writing, then you get into the tones. Well, sort of. We’ve all heard it’s a tonal language, so yes, the tones help dictate the meaning of the word. But more than that, it’s also, even more so, a contextual language. Mercedes showed me the meaning of one tone’s “yo” sound. This one sound with that particular tone had no less than 60 different meanings, some of which even contradicted each other. You also may have heard that there is no past tense in Chinese. For tense & the one meaning that the speaker intended for pretty much every word/sound they utter requires using the rest of the sentence or sentences around it. Hence, Mercedes could never just give one sentence in an email to her coworkers to translate, because it could mean any vast number of things when there are no other sentences around it to tell them if this sentence is about shirts, women, boats, the sun, a leader, a loser, yellow, flies, or God only knows what. Nevertheless, they were both doing well using the language, especially Andy who was studying a bit more consistently than Mercedes, & seemed to be really latching on to the different rules, etc.

We took a cooking class, making various kinds of dumplings, & shockingly my absolute favorite was the sesame seed dessert ones. & I learned that juniper berries are an awesome addition to dishes, only not when they’re green because eating them causes stomach cramps.

Our sesame dumplings

      

Drinks menu & dumplings at restaurant

Otherwise, Mercedes & I spent a good amount of time on our class’ reunion page, where pics from the reunion neither of us attended were. There were a lot of surprises, mainly in how Mercedes, who could never remember the names of people she’d worked with for years, only knowing them by the nicknames she gave them, was suddenly remembering more names of people than I did. This is unprecedented in the 20-some years we’ve been friends. Not only was she the one remembering names & jogging my memory, but she could often place the faces that had changed a lot in 20 years to those names. For the love of God, she remembered this guy Tom that I always called TJ, who ate lunch with me & some friends junior or senior year of high school (she rarely, or never, ate with us because she graduated early, so had more classes). She’s also friends with a lot more people on facebook than I am, so was updating me on them.

I really enjoyed high school, & I never thought I’d never forget pretty much anyone. So the fact that 10 & now 20 years had erased all but my immediate friends was really surprising.

There was one more surprise though, & that was my somewhat new & very different feelings about people from the LHS reunion pics who had also gone to my elementary school. Everyone who was in 6^th grade at St. Luke’s except for Katie, the other girl who was severely harassed along with me, was grouped in with the worst offenders, & I wanted nothing to do with any of them, at all, ever. They were all guilty by association. So when I was still an infrequent user of fb & got a friend request from a girl who I really don’t remember adding to the list of people making my life hell, I was outraged. Did she not remember what happened? How exactly could you forget? No one could avoid it, they could just ignore it at best or join in. But even probably 5-7 years ago, that wasn’t enough for me to see your nonparticipation as not guilty. So I was very surprised to see a comment from the boy I’d had a crush on during the first half of 6^th grade, and think not only that I had no bad feelings toward him (he hadn’t been one of the harassers), but more to the point, felt curious about him.

For a week I couldn’t stop thinking about how I kind of wanted to at least send a friend request, but wasn’t completely sure I should since it was so unprecedented for me to want to reach out to anyone at school that year. I scrolled through his friend list, & none of the offenders were there. I decided to send it. From what I could see of his profile, he was rarely, if ever, on there, so maybe he wouldn’t even see it, never mind consider it.

Usually when I send a request to someone I haven’t seen in years, I send a short message too. I didn’t send one to Jeff, because I still couldn’t figure out what exactly I would say. It was another few weeks after he accepted the request that I finally just said I wondered how he was doing. He wrote back—he seems to be a very laid-back guy who paid no attention to English class & punctuation. In any event, I’m surprisingly glad I did it.

Weirdly, a couple of months ago I started dealing with a lot of leftover feelings from that year, mainly in the way of recognizing that doing the typical victim thing & turning all the feelings on myself had been the wrong thing to do, & working on forgiving myself for doing that. Since then, the rest of life has taken over & I haven’t ruminated on what happened or the fallout since. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll finally be able to leave the past in the past.

Well, shit.

Apparently you can't swear in Korean schools, which I found out today because this has not been a good week.

Dylan & I had to write dialogues for half of our classes for speech contests. I've never experienced a speech contest, so had no idea what to expect, & no real expectations were laid out. They hinted that they should be about 1 typed page, so I went with that.

This was not easy, because I have 3 classes that are very basic beginner level. How to create dialogue when they're still struggling with, "How are you?"

I was about halfway done when they said it can't be one script/class-- it should be 1 script/2 students. That now meant scrapping what I had done (a dialogue with 5 speaking parts) & trying to write 22 instead of 6-7. 22. In less than a week.

When I was finishing, I saw Dylan's, & that it was much shorter than mine. I checked with one of the teachers & yep, the lines needed to be much shorter & the length down by a good 10 lines or so.

That SHOULD have made it easier, & I think it did, EXCEPT for the 2 I had to do for the class I share with the head teacher, Anna. Because I'd cut from the original whole-class one & then trimmed dramatically from the other, they didn't make sense, & with 5 others that I still had to do for other classes, I just didn't notice until Anna came to ask about them. I was upset because I thought those were done, & I could now deal with the OTHER bullshit hanging over my head, including a 30-question quiz about Halloween for Monday. I had been running out of questions, honestly. Plus a new lesson plan I have to do for 2 classes in 2 days or something, plus... yeah. If only they could have distributed the workload from I-have-0-to-do, let-me-help to once again, there aren't enough hours in the day.

I took the scripts from Anna to fix, irritated, which then turned to quiet ranting as I discovered that I'd have to retype them because the files on my USB suddenly could not be opened on the 1 computer in the school that works & prints. Hence, my quiet swearing to myself that Anna mentioned today. In the end, she said she'd fix that class'. The rest of them apparently are fine, even the ones for the really lower level classes. & believe me, writing dialogue when you can't even use certain tenses because they don't know them, is not at all easy.

I was upset that I upset Anna by getting upset, upset that I couldn't get that script right, & upset that it all wasn't over. The kids have less than one month to memorize them, which I'm sure won't be enough for some.

It's hard because I don't want the kids to do badly, & I don't want to fail them. I want them to learn instead of just memorize without understanding, which is still the Asian way because that's the understanding of the Confucian way. & yet I have to stop thinking of this like real school. The kids will progress through books & levels that they are SO not ready for because it's the appearance of progress that matters, not actual progress. I was talking to Dylan about the Halloween quizzes because I haven't really taught any Halloween stuff, & neither had he, so how are they supposed to take quizzes? His response was, "Oh, it's going to be a disaster, but that's not on us. We just need to make the quizzes, whether the kids can do them is irrelevant."

All of this came after my trip to the bank, when I intended to send the money I'd sent to my original US bank account, only to find it hadn't been deposited because they closed it on me. The bank said it would get sent back to my Korean bank. I thought giving that a week would do it, but oh no: I had to fill out a form to request the official return of that money, & NOW it'll take a week to come back so we can send it on to my newly-opened, no fee bank account. SOOoooooo yeah, that happened as well. The one & only bright spot is that once again I was helped by the one Korean teller who speaks from what I can tell fluent English. He is able to do said transfers & be nice & is actually cute to boot, surprisingly enough. He has told me he'll call when the money is back, & that I should just come to him when I go there. Like I need to be told, that was my whole plan given that I don't need to worry about what google translate did to my request. So I have a bank account in the US again! Now I just need to get the money into it.

You know what?

I've been doing super with customer service, hell, I did super with going to the store on a Saturday in Korea, moving through the crowds, sometimes even slowing down/waiting when there was an old person plus whoever else in the aisle blocking my egress. When I tried logging into my bank account to transfer money I'd just sent over and it couldn't do it & I called, I was all calm. I was calm when I when the bank couldn't do anything for me on Tuesday last week. I was calm and cheerful when the banker transferred for me on Thursday. But that all went to hell in a hand basket when I found out the reason I couldn't log into my online bank account is because it was negative $8 for a while, so it was closed. And that's a permanent thing, so there's nothing that can be done, apparently. My money will be sent back. So I get to do it all AGAIN!!

The super unfortunate part of this is that I have to make a payment on a credit card by November 2nd or it goes to collections. This is also understandable, since I basically didn't get paid for one month, so couldn't transfer money over, and then when I DID get paid I had shit to buy, so couldn't transfer money over then because I used it all.

So I get how it happened. It's just that... how the hell do I make my payments now?! Korea doesn't even let you connect paypal to your expat banking account. Wire transfers to a US account are it. I was almost glad because I thought, hey, I'll just use Chase like everyone else in my family, & have a bank account for Chase Quickpay. But no. I can't, because the monthly minimum balance is like $100 so you're not charged $12/month for maintenance. And seeing as my bank account is now only used to transfer money to my credit card and student loan, I want every cent put toward those payments, not needing to keep the account warm. So even that monthly $12 isn't something I can necessarily guarantee will be there for them to charge.

This is how I feel about waking up early to go the bank.

It's fine; I can just get up early again and go to the bank to transfer money to my awesome family for the time being.  

But after that? I looked at credit unions, but you have to have blood ties or work somewhere to get them. Actually, ally bank has none of that stuff I think, so using a VPN I should be able to open an account there. I think. Who knows? What I DO know is that I just needed for stuff in the US to keep working since outside of the US nothing really does. Give me a break! Or something. It's not a problem to keep a minimum in there when that is your primary bank. But outside the US? You're SOL. 

What's that you say? You can't have your cake and eat it too? Honestly, is there really anyone who doesn't get that the littlest shit makes me go bat shit? That meme hell hath no fury like me when I'm slightly inconvenienced? Whoever created that CLEARLY knew me. But it's popular because other people feel the same way, so don't be rolling your eyes at how everything sets me off because PLENTY of other people are just the same.

You know, it's the little things that get me. Think of my temper as a paper cut, and stupid small things as lemon juice. 

Though really, not having a bank account isn't actually very small. That's kind of a big thing. 

Alright kids, we'll learn about the expat banking emergency fix together! Know that I'll update you once I have more information to beat my head against/beat into my keyboard.

I wonder...

I wonder, now that I have a credit/debit card I can use online, on public transport, & generally like a normal person, if I can switch a couple of my ongoing bills to my Korean account so I won’t have to keep on transferring money between accounts. I guess I will for most/all still, but it won’t hurt to look into it.

In case you didn’t know, my rosacea went berserk this past month. Besides what looks like pimples on my chin, I got the telltale redness on either side of my nose, & then just to really tip the scales, pink bumps under and on the side of my eyes (those last 2 are new). So of course the dermatologist said I have the classic symptoms. & while most people anywhere wonder about it, rosacea almost exclusively affects people of Northern European heritage with pale skin. Only a tiny number of people from other backgrounds get it. Hence, as rare as it is anyway, it’s VERY rare here, and my co-teachers here have been pretty mystified by it. I explained on Monday about my new diet restrictions & how I’m hoping it’ll help my skin, as well as an intro on the concept, & one teacher, Jessic,a said she’d been wondering who’d been hitting me, & was getting concerned!

Skin is doing better: I’m on day 6 of my days of deprivation diet: no coffee, no alcohol, peanut butter (oddly), nor spicy foods for my rosacea, & for the thyroid, no wheat & no dairy. Honestly, it’s the coffee that’s the hardest, especially with all the coffee places in Korea. & I’d love to have a baked treat—now that I’m back to doing Paleo, I crave sweets once/day. & because I’m not in the US, there are few gluten-free & dairy free options, except up in Seoul.

What really sucks is I can’t eat a damned thing that Sue makes anymore because wheat is hiding in practically everything: if it isn’t there in the from of gochujang (red chili paste), it’s used to thicken the curry, or it’s in the noodles or dumplings, & of course in soy sauce (I’m going to see if I can find Tamari on iherb, the alternative food shopping site here), so I brought my own stir free to eat while I look longingly at the deep-fried pork chops (considered a traditional Korean food staple) &, of all things, cream of broccoli soup the other day (COME ON!). I’m glad to say that the Gluten Free in Korea facebook group located a GF gochujang, which is great news b/c I love that salty, somewhat spicy paste! I just have to find the store closest to me that carries it.

I started the rosacea diet on Friday after seeing the dermatologist. I already knew about those dietary restrictions; it just hadn’t been so bad up to now. So I finally decided I’d better give it a try. Like I said, it’s improving, the little pink bumps around my eyes are almost gone, and the pimple-like eruptions on my chin are smoothing out, but I’m not sure if it’s primarily the antibiotic, the new skin care regimen, the diet, or a combo. A site recommended giving up the first items I’m giving up because they tend to be triggers for 10 days. I’m going to see how my skin handles coffee on day 11, alcohol a day or two after that, and see what exactly it is that pisses off my skin, or which combination.

I’m planning on remaining off gluten and dairy for… I’m thinking it’s going to have to finally be permanently, and just having it as a treat here and there. Honestly, I’m still not sure that the rosacea isn’t connected to wheat too… my autoimmune issue these days is laid at the feet of leaky gut, & not-surprisingly, an article I read just connected rosacea to it too. Go fooking figure.

Oh, I think I mentioned the new teacher, Dylan, started last week. Seems like a nice really guy. We were talking last week, & I was apologizing for not knowing what restaurants around us were good since eating out alone in Korea is pretty damned hard to accomplish, and he said, “Let’s be friends and go do that.” It was so straightforward & even a little ingenuous & sweet that I thought, that’s awesome, let’s, while the other half of me thought, maybe he’s a stalker? Lol. So far that isn’t the case. He’s the one who tipped me off about the English-speaking security guard, after all.

I still have Taiwan to post about; it’ll be short, except I’m probably wrong & will manage a novella. Until then kids.

Odds and Ends

I knew I had a few little things to report, nothing big though, and was trying to get it all together, when I realized I also have the trip to Taiwan to mention.

So, in order! First, all is well (except that I seem to have come down with some thankfully minor stomach thing), work is fine. I find that I go through money far faster than ever before… it could be because I’m more socially active, I guess, though what I’ve been realizing is that, among the other great things about ILS, I don’t think they were taking out any money for insurance, because I make a little more money than there, but a couple hundred less is deposited into my account, and the receipt of pay and deductions I receive from this place shows me exactly where that money goes, and it all adds up and makes sense. While we are cooked dinner by the owner here (well, an evening snack to me), there’s rarely much protein in the meals because meat is expensive, so I was in the habit of going to the Lotte Mart to buy their little packages of roasted pork, skin and fat and all. Largely because I work out at night and am less inclined to cook as well when I get home at 10-10:30. And of course, Sue the owner is right, meat is expensive, so I have been spending a bit more money on that, due to my knowing that there is no way I’m getting enough protein for the working out I do. Due to that and my huge hunger when I get home from work, I have some protein powder that I now keep at school and make a shake twice/day, which will hopefully help a lot more with protein consumption and hopefully help me eat less and finally (MAYBE?) trim off SOME fat. It’s just… how much? I decided way back in my 20s that I’d put on around 5-10 pounds because it helps hide lines and wrinkles. The other problem is that I did this whole heavy-duty dietary deprivation when I did P90X, & I find I’m less interested in working that hard at not eating and living in general. Especially as I noticed I was feeling bloated some evenings, and it appeared that coincided with when I ate a small bowl of cereal for dessert… wheat, that ongoing question mark. 

So I’m not eating wheat in the form of finished products. The thing IS, Asia is ground zero for cross-contamination. The idea that you should not use the same tongs you handled raw meat with is completely unheard of, so the idea that a little wheat used in some other dish being present is absolutely in NO WAY a thing or understood to be a problem. People think with all the rice they eat here (and they do eat a lot), there’s little or hardly any wheat here. Au contraire! Bakeries are EVERYWHERE here, and while you’d never likely guess it, all red kimchi has flour in it because it’s made from Korea’s red pepper paste, which is thickened with flour. So whenever there is red kimchi present or in something, if you have Celiac disease, there’s not a thing you can eat. Though there’s no WHERE you can safely eat either, what with using the same utensils and workspace and grease, etc., that cooked other things with wheat.

My stomach is ok but I’ve eaten very lightly this week due to its sensitivity before, so I’m aiming to keep eating as little as I have this week for the next several weeks. Here is hoping.

While I’m still seeing Aaron, I did, despite my knowing better, decide to give a new guy named Bill a chance. Things started off unconventionally enough when I received some texts at work which said, “Please I need to talk to somebody now.” When I got off work, I called. He’d had a flashback, because pretty much all the guys who are here seem to be military combat vets. After a few weeks of talking, he did what every blasted guy does: insists on seeing me when I have plans. Furthermore, he wanted to see me when I went up to Seoul for brunch, and his base is a good 1.5 hours south of my place. Meaning a 2-hour commute. I SOOooo didn’t want to. And I kept thinking of my rule that ANOTHER combat vet taught me in Chicago, namely, I don’t travel for guys. That’s kind of hard to do here, since military guys aren’t exactly treated like the adults you’d think they are, as they have nightly curfews, and if they wanted to stay off-base for a night or even after hours, they have to ask for leave. Plus, most guys are from the majority of America that has no public transportation, so the trains are buses are new enough to them, never mind adding a whole different language and alphabet into the mix. In short, if I am intent on repeating my mistakes from necessity, here in Korea I will have to go to them. (Note: the same vet who was my lesson on not traveling was I believe the same vet responsible for the rule about no more combat vets either.)

It was an extremely trying trip, punctuated with Bill suddenly not seeming sure he’d have enough time for me or not, so I had to wait around the train station by my place, waiting on his final decision. He said he’d have time, so onward I continued, cranky and despairing about my rule-breaking.

Sooo, long and short of it, his base is different from Aaron’s (or they’ve really cracked down on security since the exercises started up), so everything took much longer once I got there, from figuring out if I was at the right gate, to Bill not knowing how long it takes him to get to the gate from the barracks, to signing me in.

He was nice, just wish he knew… his way around the base, his way off the base… though at least once I was there us getting lost/not being able to find a cab to get to the restaurant he wanted to go to didn’t concern me in the least, since this was all his problem now.

Nice guy, but haven’t really heard from him since then. I really liked him, but I suppose it’s well enough, I just don’t need to get wrapped in a vet. I keep wondering if this is how my guys were when they got back? God there are just SOOO many of them that already have interpersonal issues and are starting to or already have PTSD. Sadly it looks like it’s going to be another generation’s turn to be a Jen or Claudia or Ruth to these guys, I just don’t have the wherewithal to figure out the inroads with them, and I don’t have the emotional capacity to break through their far fresher wounds.

Another wall to climb....

SOooo behind again, I know. I started bringing my computer to school because in the evenings I have classes where the kids are just coming up to me to recite passages they have to memorize. Or they're done, and I tell them to at least speak English but when they're my favorite class, I end up laughing with them anyway. Still this was the ideal time to get some blogging done, since my breaks are either spent working on these schedules that were supposed to be finished at the beginning of September, or typing out vocab tests for one class with the English AND Korea-- I am 1-finger typing so it's tiring and takes a lot of time, but the Korean teachers are impressed as hell and I'm proud of myself for doing it too. Thank God I at least know a good bit of Hangul (as in reading & some writing-- I know the characters, can recognize them on the keyboard, and learned how to get the special characters). Sadly, I can't do that on my laptop because the school's computers have Korean/English keyboards, so that's just a bit easier than having to use some online, which still never seemed to have the ch- sounding character.

The main issue now is that my rosacea has gotten much worse. Not only are the pimple-like ones around my mouth not going away, but now the skin on either side of my nostrils is red and under my eyes has little pink bumps. Expats post that their skin hates Korea, and that is no fucking joke. The borax-hydrogen peroxide mask I was using in the US that worked like a charm has zero effect here. So this means going to a dermatologist.

Fortunately I mentioned this to Danielle (whom I hadn't seen in forever, but spent a lovely Sunday with her, her husband, cute little Leah & also got to meet Danielle's mom, who's in Korea visiting for about 2 months), and thank God I did, because she told me most dermatologists here aren't medical doctors, so instead of going to the hundreds/thousands of dermatology clinics here (which focus on cosmetic stuff, particularly skin whitening, because yeah, SUCH an Asian thing), you have to look at actual medical clinics.

Luckily I checked out a couple some other expats mentioned, and those searches brought me to the normally-ruled-by-trolls waygook.org expat site (it's seriously just assholes all day every day, it's a completely worthless site usually), but one person mentioned a clinic with a doctor who graduated from Johns Hopkins Medical School and speaks perfect English, and all the expats go to see him. So I'm going to see when I can get into see him.

Interestingly, it mentions on the site that in addition to internal and some external treatments, they also use something called fotofacials and chemical peels. I find it funny that I was like, how is a chemical peel going to help an inflammation problem, when I've been rubbing 19th-century laundry detergent and hydrogen peroxide on my skin, leaving it on for 10 minutes then rinsing off twice a day every day.

Anyway, you can call or email for an appointment, so I guess I'll send it off tomorrow, unless I take the chance and try to call, after mastering, "Do you speak English?" in Korean, and see when I can get in.

Other than that, I had a software download for my iPhone, and it was a rather big one. You know how they say on the iPhone 7 you don't swipe, you press the home key to unlock the phone? Now that's what mine does. It's taking some getting used to, but it's keeping me on my toes.

Damn it all to hell.

This is from the end of July
Last night, at last, was supposed to be the night that I figured out getting home in a taxi. Despite so not feeling ready for it, even after 7 months here. Because as I've mentioned before, nothing's as easy outside the US as it is in the US (though apparently there are city or suburb cabs in the airports, and they can only go to that specific destination, no others). So, getting a cab from one suburb, I've been told and experienced, isn't as simple a matter as just finding a free cab and even giving them your address in Korean. They'll say no because they're not going that way, it's too far/not convenient to home or break, or they just don't want to deal with someone who speaks a different language. Never mind whether or not they can actually go to... wherever you want/need to go.

This is the second night that, instead of experimenting with the cabs and discovering the ease or difficulty of it, regardless of proximity, I stayed up all night until public transport was up and running again.

The first time was when I went out with another Jennifer, a Brit I met at yoga pants wine night. I found a bona fide, really good craft cocktail bar, HARD AS HELL though it was to locate. We had a nice time talking, and then she said afterwards she was going to meet her school gang in Seoul. And the guys in particular are just so great and so fun and I'd love them. I decide to go up with her, but as it's 10:30 at night, knowing the trains stop at about midnight, I ask her how she gets home. "Take a cab, or stay up all night until the trains run again." Though I am a night owl, I definitely don't think the latter is an option for me. Especially with my phone, as usual, so low on battery, which is especially concerning since that's where my home address is saved in Korean.

We get to this crappy Korean bar, which honest-to-God all seem to vie to resemble the dankest dive bar in the US, to find about 10 of Jennifer's close friends gathered around. If you know me at all, you know that even with a really good friend there with me, anymore than 4 or so strangers is a bit too much for me to handle, and I will simply sit and observe, waiting to see whom I might like, and waiting to see if there's an in to any interesting conversations.

In this case, with a group of early-to-mid-20-somethings playing some lame drinking game, the answer appeared to be not really on most counts. I have no drink because I had 3 at the cocktail bar, and when it's Koreans handling the mixing and measuring, there is shit to drink here. Next, everyone in the group has to hold up a hand if they've done what was mentioned (jumped out of an airplane, for example). This sort of information is fun when you're young and have a life ahead of you to plan on doing such things should you want to, or give any shits if the people at the table have because it's somehow interesting to learn whether or not your friends have done something so daring. But I don't care about these people, and find none of what any of them have or haven't done enthralling or even slightly entertaining. The only thing that's keeping me here is waiting for my almost-dead phone to charge behind the bar so I can either test out this whole cab thing, or go to the nearby 24-hour cafe and fiddle around on my phone until the trains run.

Soon enough, most of the group is heading to Homo Hill (yes that's the actual name of the small gay bar section of Seoul) to dance. All of you should likewise know my feelings on dancing and noisy clubs, and how I am completely comfortable sitting alone for an hour or however long it takes my phone to charge. But of course, most people do not understand said comfort, and feel compelled to keep me company and try to cajole me into joining/rejoining the group. That night, the role belonged to a super-nice friend of Jennifer's named Mike. Most of the time, people's discomfort with my comfort being alone in public will quickly devolve from my polite but firm insistence that I'm fine to my cold, irritated, sarcastic and misanthropic vibes that successfully fend off even the clingiest moron. But tonight, maybe it's my mood, some mellowing-with-age, and/or the fact that Mike is just so truly nice and not trying to be an asshole that I initially reiterate for the 10th time that I'm good alone, and no, dancing and loud bars hold no appeal, to just saying sure dude, as you say, I can really only confirm it's as unappealing as I think by going over with him to meet up with everyone else, and besides, we've only around 3 hours before the trains are up and running again. So I collect my not-nearly-sufficiently-charged-for-my-reading-purposes phone, and head over to my first Korean gay bar.

The precious little dancing that is happening is solely being done by the group of girls & 2 guys who'd gone ahead. I have to admit I find it a bit sad that no gay guys, few that are there, are dancing. At this bar, I switch from swearing up & down that I'm totally good not dancing constantly, until thank GOD an older gay man comes & sits next to me & we start talking. He gets up & goes to talk to guys for a while then comes back to talk to me, which is great because it means I have a good excuse to sit, & then don't have to keep working so hard to only half-hear what Ilan, my new friend, is saying.

This goes on for a rather slow 2 hours. Finally, after several false starts of saying I'm leaving only to be convinced to wait a LITTLE longer, since you know those damned trains still aren't running, I end up talking to a few other guys assembled outside to smoke, & gladly take my leave.

But naturally, the trains still aren't QUITE running yet, so I sit down on the raised vent for the trains to wait for them. I have far more fun sitting here and having brief, amusing conversations with passersby, including a couple who want to know what to do, and some Middle Eastern guy who thinks I'm pretty and stops to talk, only to realize that this conversation, nor I, are going anywhere. Around this time, Jennifer & her friends pass me, and ask me to join them for early breakfast at the Taco Bell around the corner. I decline. I think it's around 2 minutes after they leave that some Irish guy asks me to go drinking with him. When I agree, he's surprised, & keeps asking me if I'm sure I'm not Irish. I explain it's going to be difficult, since it's just after 5 and everything is closing. Sure enough, every bar we find won't let us in for that reason. I suggest coffee but he is adamantly against this. We wander around, until we run into a rather morose gay guy I'd talked to at the gay bar before leaving. We convince him to join us for some vodka & grapefruit juice, which John Henry is buying. The convenience stores are always open & stocked. We sit outside in Gangnam & drink until we decide we're tired & can be assured the trains are running again.On the train, I laugh when John Henry tells me that I wasn't actually supposed to take him up on his invitation to drink. I was supposed to do what his gran does and say, "God damn it John Henry it's too feckin' early/late for this, shut up and go to sleep!" Sadly, John Henry & I don't keep in touch, but it was still a surprisingly fun end to a waaayyy to long night.

The other night was wine night. They're always on Fridays, so I get there around 10:30 since I work til ten on Fridays. It isn't really worth it for me to leave by the time the last train or bus, since I just got there & there are still a couple stragglers. For once I wasn't tired & we just kept talking til 5. Turns out that the cabs around there pretty much won't be going in my direction, so we decide that I'll just stay over next time, instead of ensuring we all stay up til 5-6 in the morning talking.

*Sight.* So, those were my 2 chances of attempting, but failing, to find a taxi that will take me home. Kids, I've been here about 8 months & still no dice. Let's hope I get it together & try sooner again, and successfully, rather than even later.

Today I feel like I was infected with anger and irritation

For one thing, it's the 15th anniversary of 9/11, and it's still a day I feel compelled to remember what happened and the people lost as a result of it. Most anniversaries I don't feel any emotions about it and it isn't the first thing I think about: some days I have to see reminders in facebook to remember. But I always take some moments on it. Yesterday though I remembered today would be 15 years later, so I did wake up aware of that.

Today was I think very much not helped because lately I've been exhausted by the US bashing everyone is so terribly fond of doing. I'm sure all of you know I'm pretty damned outspoken about a lot of the problems we're grappling with, or failing to, in the US. Though I often enjoy discussing these problems with people from other countries, there gets to be a point, and it's always closer than the day before, when I am just so sick and tired of the rest of the world ignoring their own problems so they can concentrate on the lunacy that often rules the US. I just don't want to hear it, or hear an acknowledgement that hey, sometimes the US DOES do good shit. And as I get older I do think that you can definitely have your opinions, but you should limit voicing them if you're not from there. Believe it or not, I didn't tell most Chileans what I thought of their country, and still don't. Because I'm a bitch, but I'm not a total asshole.

This morning my Australian friend Leeza who's in China just really pissed me off. As always, she starts off about how charmed her life is there, despite her town being bad when it comes to the internet, etc... all the things that I consider secondary essentials are challenges that require work-arounds, patience, and just accepting shit isn't always or usually going to work. So, I'm delighted for her that she's got people who bend over backwards to help her and glad she is liking it there.  From there, it's on about how the Chinese can't distinguish not only between Australian/British/South African/German/American, and instead thinks everyone is American, they can't distinguish between well-educated and under- or uneducated, more prestigious professions, and less. I can understand being irritated everyone thinks you're from a country you're not from, but I don't get why the rest of it matters.

From there that went into how all the Chinese, and the rest of the world for that matter, totally buy the stereotypes, and thinks the US is the most dangerous place in the world, full of gun-obsessed, gun-toting lunatics shooting everyone everywhere up. I point out that this is a stereotype, that I'm from the city with the country's worst gun violence and most shootings, and yet somehow I made it all these years, along with many others, who never ever get shot, and recognize that we need drastic reform so freaking desperately. She replies she's just telling me what the rest of the world thinks (even though I so know that), and then condescendingly tells me how Australia banned all guns in the 80s or 90s, they're a recognized leader in getting rid of gun violence, blah blah blah. Bitch, I know. I've already read up on Australia so effectively fixing that problem there. But, she's not done: all mass shootings are in the US, and they in the rest of the world "just roll our eyes, and say that's America." She continues to say that she feels sorry for America now.

At this point, I'm done and I say, "You're right. The victims deserve it. And while many of us have been desperate for gun legislation for years, at heart we're all dangerous, gun-toting maniacs. I've got another eye-rolling American tragedy to think about today that simply annoys the rest of you, so off I go." Couldn't have been more sarcastic, and she breezily says, "Yes, I agree with you," (!!??? REALLY!?) and continues on to talk about learning a lot about how it won't change because of people in Congress being too afraid to lose their jobs to take it up.... etc.

Maybe she didn't mean to be offensive and victim-blaming and everything and say that ultimately each American shot in a mass shooting or shot at all deserves it for being stupid about not making these legislative changes years ago. Then again, maybe that is how the world feels, and maybe it's understandable to those on the outside. And today people from other countries very likely forget what happened today themselves and especially all these years out just don't care about it. But it never is understandable or forgettable to me, and today of all days I need GOOD vibes for and about the US.

So hope your day is better and less grating than mine, and hopefully it's a peaceful day regardless of your feelings, or lack thereof, about today's anniversary.

Well, yes, I suppose it HAS been a while...

I have a few drafts saved, but... yeah....

Anyway, THIS installment of Jen failing to understand/relate to/and especially share experiences with normal people is brought to us all by yet another expat talking about how rough it is to go home, particularly the terrible surprise that is reverse culture shock. When you've lived abroad, you supposedly come back and experience culture shock of your home, and the greater the difference between living-abroad country and your own, the bigger the shock.

My friend Alyssa came back to the US from Chile right about when I got there after about a year there. Her first post, which amused me, was her amazement over hearing so much English. It kind of... shocked her.

I have no comprehension of this.When I got back to the US, I was RELIEVED and OVERJOYED to hear English. I remembered extremely quickly that I could go up to pretty much any person I saw and ask them something in English and they'd understand me and answer in English. That was awesome. Not shocking, awesome. Something to marvel over and celebrate very, very occasionally, but that's it.

The only other time that I kind of forgot where I was was when I was on the L, waiting at a station for a train and was doing what I always did in Chile: practicing reading the names and signs at the stops in my head in Spanish for pronunciation. I was halfway through reading when I realized that no, Cermak/Chinatown isn't pronounced, "Keermok/Cheena-" it was the "town" that reminded me these were English words pronounced with English pronunciation, and I was working WAY too hard unnecessarily.

Marveling at how easy it was to use a credit card, and not be charged extra for the privilege. But it didn't shock me, and I didn't struggle with it. I embraced returning to fucking civilization.

There are no guarantees of course, but I highly, highly doubt I'll return to the US and experience the "shock" of hearing English everywhere, which is a big part of it for former expats, or forget how people acknowledge you and say, "Excuse me," if you bump into each other. I won't be shocked to see women wearing shirts cut lower than a turtleneck, people of different colors and backgrounds, particularly because it remains shocking to me that no matter how long I'm in Korea I will continue to get stares, and students I've had for 6 months get right in my face and say, "Teacher!! Your eyes are blue!!" (though honestly the latter always amuses me greatly). I think, people have been coming here to teach English for over 20 years. There are LOTS of non-Asians around. And you have movies and the internet! It can't REALLY be that amazing. It just can't. And while others have rightly pointed out that Koreans all look alike in the way of hair, eye color, etc., I never notice it, except when wondering how I'll spot the foreigner at a big metro stop, only for them to be fluorescent beacons compared to the Koreans around them, lol. So, actually, in essence, I never really acclimate to where I am, to seeing mostly straight black hair, dark brown eyes, tennis shoes and anklets worn with pantyhose and ridiculously short skirts and shorts, and Little House on the Prairie/Amish outfits thrown in.

So, yeah, maybe I need to write the single anti-former-expat-reverse-culture-shock experience, because as usual, I've read so many articles about how hard it is to get used to your culture of origins, but it just isn't true.

Except after France. I seriously thought every Goddamned person around me was yelling instead of talking like a normal person. For 2 weeks, I had a headache, and seriously dreaded going to see Gina's family the following weekend, because they ARE loud.

So, ok, maybe one or two things take you aback. But not everything, not so many things that it's oppressive and stressful and aggravating, which culture shock is.

So if you ever see any of those articles, know that I'm back here railing about how untrue it is, because despite ALL these stories about it being a thing, it is SOOOOOO not a thing.

Ok, super-short

FOR ONCE!! And I worry, as I always do, that by saying anything I will jinx myself, but last week and this week my upper body workout showed some improvements. Last week I remember feeling a little stronger, doing a little more. Today was a holiday, and I stayed home, never left the apartment, and didn't even eat brunch for once! Cooked up all my veggies and very trimmed pork... bacony-things (pork is the main meat here in Korea), and looked at my unopened bottle of Absolut Korea. It was a total last-minute buy when I stopped for some grapefruit juice at the convenience store across the street, and they had it. The flavors are almond, coffee, and chili. And I have to say, I love it. Tried it first with (too much) lemon juice and pepper, then just tried it plain, and I like it that way best.

Oh! but anyway, this afternoon I thought, just be lazy, don't workout, only 4 days/week is enough (except Friday's wine and yoga pants night so no, not 4 days), and then went ahead and did the tortuous tabata workout. I held 2 sets of the halfway down push-up for all 20 secs, did a better job of bringing my chest to the floor first in burpees, and then did tricep crab thingies (sorry, I know, not helpful), whereas I usually didn't bother dipping.

Didn't even make it to the doctor because when I set the alarm Saturday I'd set it for weekdays instead of Saturday, and got up too late to get to the clinic. So another week (still have 3 weeks' of pills), but hoping that the small improvements will continue. Yay!

It's funny because I've actually encountered more of that weird English you hear about in Asia in the 3 weeks I've been at my new school, versus the 5 months I was at ILS, and ILS adhered a lot more to Korean customs than my new school. Aside from my having gotten over my culture shock, Jungchul is a lot more accessible culturally than ILS. By that I mean the other teachers and staff are nice and respectful to everyone, Korean or otherwise, have a sense of humor. Last minute planning still happens, but FAR less often, and isn't just so ingrained to how things are done that it's less stressful for everyone all around. The other little difference is that at ILS we removed our shoes and wore slippers at work, whereas here we just walk around in our shoes. Of course, it appears ILS was just an overall shitty place to work, while Jungchul is definitely not.

But the kids at ILS rarely, if ever,wore t-shirts with English on them (or much writing at all), though when they did it was fine. The books we used were actually school books from the US, so those likewise spared me the fun, albeit harmful* fun for those trying to learn English.

At the new school, we use many books that were written in Korea. In fact, 1/2 of my middle school classes use books that explain language concepts, instructions, etc in Korean, which worried me about teaching since I don't speak Korean (turns out we just play the CDs so they can get their instruction in Korean, then listen to English examples and exercises).

And so, there are definitely some mistakes to be found. Some are very small, like the middle school class today who listened to 2 Americans talking about where to go for pizza, and in the script, it talked about thick and thin bread, instead of crust. I will add that the kids found that particular exercise way too easy, so I blew their minds by explaining something that apparently they didn't get, and didn't know they didn't get: that the girl liked goat cheese on her pizza. The kids were truly shocked, not just that other animals produce milk that people consume, but that they'd make cheese out of it. I then had 8 middle schoolers howling with laughter as I attempted to draw a camel that looked more like a puzzle piece, a sheep, and then worked on their request for me to draw a dog which kept just being a horse. Teacher draw time is a hit for all ages.

And then there are the conversation books that are designed to give kids small conversation practice, like introducing yourself, meeting your friend's mom, going to the store... or asking someone what they think about what you're wearing, which reflects no word usage a native speaker would ever use, albeit due to cultural difference (in Asia, it's perfectly appropriate to tell someone not wearing makeup that they look pale or ugly... telling someone you're ugly can be commonly used particularly if the person doesn't know other words. It's also considered fine to comment on how nice or bad a woman's hair or skin is, for example, pretty much only if you're white & not tan, which means daily, frequent comments on how nice and light your skin/hair is/are. Naturally they'll tell you if you're fat, ask what's wrong with your skin, etc.).This conversation is on agreeing and disagreeing, as well as the phrase, "you're right:"
     A.    Is this right for me?
     B.    Well, I don't think so.
     A     Is it to small?
     B.    That's right.
     A.    Maybe I'm too fat.
     B.    You're right.

And it wasn't until this school that I finally have seen a kid oblivious to the fact that his baseball hat says FUCK in big, capital letters.

There are 2 reasons I can see for this:
1.) The boy who wears it, though he's in a class where they listen to conversations about cancelling reservations, boss and employee conversations, etc, clearly hears Charlie Brown's teacher when I talk, he looks at me so blankly whenever I say anything or ask a question.

2.) It's written in a Gothic font. If I connect my lowercase L to an E, my students freak out and can't figure out what word I've written. So, this particular font, which takes a bit of effort on my part to get, is way out of their league. But my GOD that first week that hat was right in front of me, in the front row, it was nearly impossible not to stare at it and wonder what the hell everyone was thinking.

For more on this, you should google "Asian kids wearing bad English." There was a whole page on kindergartners wearing shirts that say things like... well, why don't I just give you a few examples of the gems you'll find, which are not actually limited to kids way too young to get it:

DAMN IT.

My workouts for the past 2 months or so have basically sucked. Workouts I used to be challenged by, or super challenged by but capable of doing, are practically killing me. And no matter how often I do them, there's no improvement, no strength gains, everything's as hard as if I just started working out.

I haven't been able to do a straight-leg push-up in all this time, and bringing my chest to the floor with my knees on the floor is now the perfect challenge, which I do to exhaustion, within 30 seconds each set.

I've been eating rice at dinner, both because the dishes aren't close to filling enough (protein, particularly in the form of meat, is too expensive to the owner, so used very sparingly), and because I know from previous programs that I need carbs to get through my workouts, but it hasn't ultimately been helping

Today was a 10 minute HIIT workout, with a guy who usually does stuff that's too easy for me: when I was in Chicago, I'd have to do 2 of them in a row, increasing the work time and decreasing the rest time, just to feel it. Today 1 workout (though I still increased the work time) was at the perfect level. That was followed by a 12 minute upper body tabata workout, 20 seconds work, 10 secs rest, 4 rounds of 3 sets of exercises. Whereas I used to be able to hold 1/2way down in a push-up for 60-90 seconds, I can just make it to the 20 second mark for 2 rounds, today being the first time I could hold out for that long without dropping my knees.

It is true that the last time I went in to get my levels checked, I was supposed to call back to see if the increased dosage of thyroid meds was sufficient. I forgot for at least a month, and when I finally remembered, naturally, the English speaking doctor can only be reached through a Korean-only speaking staff, and they didn't seem to understand when I asked for Dr. Park. So there IS a chance I still need another bump in my meds. Plus the anxiety gradually wore off. (But then, I also got away from that hellish job.)

But the other, and at this point I'm going to go with more likely cause, is that I'm losing muscle building ability and energy due to this awesome part of hypothyroidism, where your thyroid levels are where they're supposed to be, but you're dealing with any of the myriad, really pretty shitty, side effects of it. Some people lose hair, some have brain fog, some people feel sedated, some people have headaches and soreness, some have stomach problems... the list goes on and on. People reported improvements in their conditions from the Autoimmune Paleo Protocol. Prior to my leaving for Chile, I was going to try APP, a diet that is really as bad as the symptoms you can feel. I decided since I didn't feel like shit as others did, I would take on the elimination diet once I too started having issues, but NOT before.

And it occurred to me today as I frustratingly struggled through knee push-ups for the 6th week in a row and needed a minute break between each set change, that this may be my version of feeling-shitty-because-why-not. It may be time to eliminate wheat, see how that works, then dairy, because those are the 2 biggest issues for people with autoimmune, then go from there. It occurred to me as well to cut out the rice and grains again, but fruit alone isn't remotely enough carbs (or at least, I haven't found them to provide them).

So, I have the unmitigated pleasure of trying this elimination shit here in Korea. You would naturally think this would be easy, since dairy isn't part of the diet usually, and wheat isn't that common either. Well, it WASN'T, but deep fried everything is as popular here as ever. So there's that.

Anyway, it all comes down to hating I have to do without this stuff. Especially when brunch is still a thing I do here... and we're going to the Original Pancake House on Sunday. But hey, if it's going to make push-ups more possible, it's almost worth it. Almost.

For those who missed it in Facebook,

Minseong was great and did a good job. Except for styling-by-frizzing. After I got home and fixed the mess with coconut oil and water, it looked like this, a little short but exactly what I wanted and like it. And God damn if my friend today sweetly thought I'd lost weight, or it was the haircut that made me look thinner.

There comes a time in your life when you must train an Asian.

Despite your understandable misgivings, you have to volunteer your hair to be their beautician school, experiment and teacher simultaneously. My hair was last cut/trimmed about a year ago, and the dead ends have long been telling me it's long past time to get it cut. I knew I wouldn't be able to find someone who can do the Curly Cut like at home, but it didn't really occur to me what I was up against until I saw posts from other women in the expat community. Their main concerns and replied horror stories related to the Korean hair people's inability to color Western hair. They would apply the technique they use on Koreans, apparently, which starts with frying/bleaching hair to death since they're used to starting with pitch black, and then going from there.

But I started to really get an idea of what I was up against when one random day on the bus, I looked around and thought how sick I was seeing of bowl cuts on practically every male around.

And to be clear, the majority of men are actually older and look much more like this:

Anyway, there's precious little variety when it comes to default hairstyles here*, and it dawned on me as I looked at the 100000nth bowl cut: there's not much else to do with their hair. It's super fine, thin, silky as water, and probably one of the substances on earth most susceptible to gravity. So naturally they aren't going to spend as much time and effort styling it to giving it lots of body or lift. 

A girl with basically straight hair posted asking about where to go if you have curly/wavy hair. I of course didn't actually know her hair was straight until she posted a pic after the cut. She liked it, it looked good EVEN IF IT WASN'T CURLY, so I once again have to wonder wtf is wrong with women. They don't know what blonde is and probably half claim they have naturally curly or wavy hair, but their hair is like the girl with wavy hair here:

Come on!

My consolation is her hair looks good and she likes it, and everyone says this guy will not stop working until it looks like you want, just bring pics. I downloaded quite a few from every angle. Now I just need to figure out how to translate in Korean that I lose around 2-3" of length when my hair dries from when it's wet and pulled straight. It's another tricky part about my hair, that I can't just say, "Cut it to shoulder length," and they can do that. Nope, you've got to leave a few inches so when it curls up it's shoulder length. 

I just hope he doesn't throw his hands up in the air and say he can't do anything because it's so thick. Many hair dressers in the US would go on and on about how thick my hair was, particularly when they were thinking they were done and then saw more layers underneath, lol. 

Might post a pic afterward either way. Icks-nay on the hopes for it to go one way (MARK).

*NOTE: There is actually a surprising and, well, to me, alarming variety in women's hair colors and styles. How colors look with skin is just not a thing here, so you'll see quite a few reddish-heads and variations on blonde that just don't work. But this is the Shakira effect, where apparently no one is bothered by yellow hair on top and black eye brows- oh yeah, except in Chile where they're referred to as taxis. Lol. 

Understandably, lots of people here dye their hair to stand out. It is damned true that everyone here looks pretty much the same. (One time I was meeting my friend Laura at the train station. It was a bigger one, that spits you out into a crowded mall. Even with the exit number, until I got upstairs I thought, "How will I spot her?" Once there though it was ridiculously easy because she was the only Westerner, lol.) So coloring your hair and even sometimes perming it will make you stand out.

Until you realize as I have that 60% of women (men too!) color their hair, so now I can't really say how much they stand out.

Except for the platinum blondes. They're rare, and their hair is usually black on top/at the roots, so they look like they have striped hair. But THEY stand out.