Yeah, about this whole adventure to Valparaiso.
The impetus of this impromptu weekend trip came courtesy of Fran, a nice enough Chilean girl I met at the Couchsurfer meetup here in Santiago a couple of weeks ago. Per her instructions, on Saturday morning I am waiting at the assigned train station, barely noticing that what starts as one blonde guy hanging in the metro station grows into a small group of 4 guys, one of which I notice is really good-looking. This has nothing to do with me... until Fran greets them with hugs. Awesome-- we are the only girls on the trip. But we are an international group. Our male majority is: a blonde, dimpled Russian, Nikita; a guy sporting a hippy look (SHUT IT, Mark & Derek) is Noel, from... not sure? I thought Argentina, but he lisped like the Spanish; the strikingly good-looking guy is Jonas from Denmark; & the only other Chilean, a long-haired, blue-eyed guy named Eduardo. Actually, I later noticed that Fran is the only person in our group whose eyes aren't blue.
I end up sitting with Eduardo on the 1.5 hour trip there. I ended up getting along with him the best: he has a quiet voice, he can be outgoing (& bless him for asking me questions and attempting conversation), but I sensed he's ok with my being quiet. Which is good, because that was definitely me on this trip. Period.
I have to say, I liked ALL the guys, though I practically ignored Jonas because that's what I do with really good-looking guys. It isn't fair or right-- he really was a nice guy, but whatever he's looking for I'm not it, and I am a sore loser when it comes to pretty boys. So I spoke to him the least. He may have even noticed my silence was even more pronounced toward him, but what can I do? Treat him like a normal human being? He's NOT normal. Normal isn't that pretty in the male population.
Jonas works with Nikita, and I guess Noel-- they're here via the Chilean government, who pays for entrepreneurs from other countries to do shit here. Nikita & Noel met when Nikita was living in London. So Nikita & Noel are good friends, Jonas has that connection so they all get to know each other better, & everyone, but me, is outgoing, so great times for them all.
Fran... I remember she seemed nice, but I felt no connection with her at the meet-up. That, I think, will determine my agreeing to anymore cockamamy trips with couchsurfers: even though many CSers I've met were perfectly pleasant, the thrill of an impromptu invitation to go somewhere with an unknown number and constituency of travelers, is out. I hear you: the vast majority of you linked this to the whole, "don't talk to strangers" adults told you when you were a kid. Well bully for you, you well-adjusted, normal people living your normal lives. I've always envied you your normality, as it allowed you to seamlessly fit in with everyone else around you, having shared the same experiences, beliefs, & approaches to people and situations. So, awesome, you'll never find yourself feeling like a fish out of water in a town that is woefully misrepresented as a vacation spot. You win.
The weather, of course, sucked. It was 40-50 & rainy or raining. 5-10% of Valparaiso is lovely. The rest is like the rest of Chile, which this trip I realized is exactly like Guatemala, only with less comprehensible Spanish. As far as I can tell, Fran has marbles in her mouth for all I can understand (except when she talks about food or drink. SOMEHOW, I can always understand those words). Noel speaks so quickly that, yeah, it's pointless to try listening. After listening as carefully as I can to the 3 Spanish speakers for a minute, my mind drifts away from a conversation I can't understand. (Though I'm relieved I'm not the only one: Nikita doesn't speak much Spanish at all. Jonas seems pretty capable from what I can tell, but he definitely, definitely prefers English.)
Anyway, yeah, other than a few of the highlights you can see on Fb, Valpo is dirty, rundown, largely unimpressive, and mostly closed on the weekends. How this is supposed to be something to come & see, *I* surely don't know.
I most enjoyed the led tour, which included a Spanish group (though a guy there had stayed in Lombard for a month, so we chatted a bit), and a guy from Scotland, with whom I spoke quite a bit. Were I traveling alone like he was, maybe I could have had a night out like *I* wanted: laidback, just sitting drinking, rather than the night out that young, attractive 20-something guys want. Or Fran. Or... all of humanity, except for me.
Post-tour, we sit around in our hostel room for a while, & that's when the building started shaking. We all looked at each other, then people started running out of the room. Since I've never actually been in any sort of real earthquake before, I follow suit, guessing there's a reason for doing so. And sure enough, even though Cadu is right that the earth is also shaking outside (lo!), Fran tells me that this is proper earthquake procedure.
Outside, Nikita & I are enjoying the experience, while poor Fran & some locals are freaking out. From what I can tell, Chileans either barely notice anything happened (Eduardo), or are probably freaked out from past, very large earthquakes. I feel it's in poor taste for Nikita & me to be enjoying ourselves, but we are. It was over in a few seconds, and while it was pretty noticeable, absolutely no damage was done to anything, no injuries from anything, etc. Back in the room, Jonas says it was a 6.2. An earthquake of that magnitude really isn't considered one of any magnitude in Chile, though Fran said that had it been an 8.2, that would have been a big deal. Fran, who planned on taking a shower before it, now won't get into the shower, as she's afraid another may be coming.
We finally have dinner: Mexican, of all things. GOD have I missed cheese with taste. The queso fresco that is everywhere in Chile is so bland it obliterates the flavor of whatever food you eat it with. Welcome to cheese by Chile. Afterwards, we go to some bar. It is a bit loud, but not terrible. What's terrible are the drinks. But that's par for the course here in Chile. Nikita was laughing, accurately, that frequently Chile will copy NYC, only 10 years later. And not fully accurately. Just enough that you recognize it was an attempt with a misunderstood execution. I have to say it's JUST ABOUT TIME for the craft cocktail to arrive here, but so far, nothing doing. I make the mistake of ordering a daiquiri (though in Spanish it's a little different and I was so tired I didn't care anymore). The original is lime, but I can't just have that-- I must have a flavor. Many of you know what it's like when I am forced to add options I didn't want to have-- I give up & don't care, crankily. I did that, minus the burst of bad temper. To give myself credit: I am a mute all weekend, but an agreeable mute.
I am brought a pink liquid that is repulsive, what with the artificial mixer flavors that are all the rage here. Orange juice? Yeah, they squeeze the juice, THEN add more sugar, and something to make it thicker and more Tang-like. The sweet tooth of Chileans is a horror show. I wince from the odd tug-of-war in my mouth of sour & too-sweet that is any artificially-fruit-flavored concoction.
Contrasted with what Eduardo ends up having, which apparently is called a transplant, (b/c it's red?). It is 3 distinct layers: clear on top; kind of milky in the middle, & bright red on the bottom (or: rum; lemon juice; grenadine). It is a bit too tart since the layers also won't mix, but I still kind of like it. Eduardo's a lightweight, so I share his.
At this point, I'm feeling sleepy, & not looking forward to all the seat-dancing Nikita keeps doing: there's definitely a dance club in tonight's future. And my gender GPA will be revealved for the D+ that it is, thanks to my being 1 of only, what, 3 or so women in the world who DON'T dance?
There are LOTS of bars & clubs to try, so onward we go. We end up walking down toward the port, where I can already hear the music of a particularly loud dance club. This is my cue to leave... except for that whole I-don't-have-a-key-to-the-hostel. I get one from 1 of the guys, and breezily, in my eagerness to get farther away from the headache-inducing music volume of the club they're lining up to get into, tell Fran that yes, I know how to get back to the hostel.
As soon as I have walked 1/2 a block, I realize that not only do I NOT actually completely know how to get back-- I don't even know the NAME of the hostel, only that it begins with an L. So, a last-resort cab ride is out. Luckily, I don't know HOW I did it, but I did manage to wend my way back.
My relief at getting back is only enhanced because the hot water heater is turned off at night, & when our tour of the hostel included a cursory & in-no-way complete method for turning it back on, I can't see what's what since 2 tall Europeans are in the way. Hence, I have the pleasure of a cold sponge-shower, since I can't put myself under the cold water. Not in an (of course) unheated building. But what IS on tonight is the music club the hostel shares a building with. Oh yes: live music, on a stage that I estimate is directly under the room across the 2-feet-wide hall. It's great music, but WHAT?!!!? OH! YEAH, IT IS LOUD! REALLLLLY LOUD! I can hear it comfortably with my earplugs in, but somehow manage to fall asleep.
In the morning, I am reminded, again, of what I so dislike about hostels, and what Sartre said: hell is other people. Or, as Jonathan Rauch (unintentionally?) misquoted: Hell is other people at breakfast. Specifically, a non-filling, unsatisfying breakfast of bread, weak tea/bad coffee, and forced socializing. Knowing that group mentality will deem me a weirdo and/or bitch for not wanting more company than plenty of protein, veggies, & good, fresh coffee when I first wake up, I go into the crowded kitchen, only to see that all of the mugs have been taken. Hurray.
Suffice it to say, thanks to yesterday's earthquake & today's heavy rain, there will be no surfing or horseback riding, which was part of the plan for this trip. After spending the last 24 hours with people nonstop, I'm relieved. For once, the guys want to do what I want to do: get back to Santiago ASAP. It takes Fran a particularly long time to get her shit together, but eventually we are on our way.
We are slowed a little in our progress due to Eduardo, who's about my age, taking these 2 (lost-ish) girls on the Valparaiso street we're on under his not-exactly-disinterested wing. They look 12 to me at first, though later I conclude are 18 or 19. They come fully-equipped with the TERRRRRRIBLE fashion sense of every young Chilean. Our current model is wearing orange, blue, and fluorescent green tie-dyed/floral patterned leggings with fluroescent orange and pink socks with a coral shirt and blue tennies. Irony isn't permitted across the Chilean border, so this is an outfit earnestly chosen for its aesthetic appeal by our intrepid girl who clearly, CLEARLY dressed herself without any adult supervision, common sense, or humanity. If she has a boyfriend back in Santiago, you will see him in faded or bright red hipster jeans and the ubiquitous mullet. I didn't know there were different types of mullet before I came here, but the unsurpassed assortment and variety is visible despite burned retinas, tears, and keeping your eyes squeezed shut. (Derek, per your facebook post, you need to move your family here.)
Nevertheless, we make it back to Santiago just fine, and I do my best to rid my head of a caffeine headache and a curious weekend with coffee with pisco sours. Though I am clearly and firmly in the downward portion of the curve that is adjusting to life in a new country, there's evidence of progress, even if it's only that my drinking has started going native. I know the adjustment curve will start and keep heading upward. Let's just hope my mullet tolerance remains at the bottom of the U.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Friday, August 15, 2014
THERE'S that surreality I've been missing!
Coming here hasn't felt like traveling and getting to know a different place in the way you do when you're just visiting. I expected to approach it like I did Asia or any other place I've gone. And other teachers I've talked to have felt like they're just visiting.
It has been a series of slightly odd events escalating to my sitting in my apartment watching a Chilean music video channel playing Asian pop music from the late '90s- early 2000s. I wonder if Alyssa or Kayla ever saw this etcTV and had this same, "Wait, WHAT?" reaction. Now don't get me wrong: most of the world loves the same songs we in the US do and can't understand English, and I've never had a problem with liking a song regardless of my ability to understand the lyrics. But this is a "classic favorites" show. So these videos are old favorites here in Chile. And just when I wondered if there was a random Asian music video channel broadcast here, the vj came on, a 20-something-year old girl wearing (oddly retro) black & red flannel, speaking in Spanish. Right now a boy band from Korea is doing a more talented take on the Backstreet Boys. That is what I've liked about music from other countries: the singers tend to be able to sing first and foremost. This was a trend I found particularly refreshing in Hispanic music.
A Korea boy duo is singing in English ("Something"). Maybe it's all Korean videos, except for that "Clown" video by Will Chan out of China.
So to sum up, I'm watching Korean boys singing a song in English on a Spanish music video channel.
In other news... well there's a bit of other news. I found heavy cream yesterday! Not in the milk aisle. Oh no-- it was in the canned fruit aisle. Because why not? And honestly it's a bit thicker than the heavy cream in the US. But the important part is, I've had 2 real cups of tea this morning. The first since I've had since I've been here.
My electric teakettle stopped working yesterday morning. That was an unpleasant surprise. That'll mean another trip to the always-super-crowded Hitite or Fallabella department stores.
At 1 AM this morning my tablet found a weak yet still usable wifi signal that doesn't require a password. Wasn't there earlier this week. It comes and goes if the tablet goes to sleep, but I'm still hitching a connected ride on it for the time being. My iPhone can't find it, but I've gotten facebook, which is the proof in the pudding of it actually working.
The great news this morning was that my toilet's flusher isn't working. Which is AWESOME because today is day 1 of a holiday weekend. This being Chile (or honestly, I think anyplace outside of the US), my so-far-untested theory is that there won't be anyone available to fix it until Monday morning. In a testimony to the adaptability I'm capable of in spite of my masterful whining, I thought, eh, I'll live. I'll figure something out if it stays this way. I'll eventually go downstairs to what's app my landlord Fernanda, but honestly, I wouldn't want to disrupt her or anyone else's holiday plans for something so small. I was glad to find I just have to lift the valve in the tank by hand, so yeah, should be fine.
Ok, well the Asian music video show is over, and it's time for the resident fat guy & his 2 nerd friends to host some video game show (in Spanish). Which is my cue to find something else to watch on tv. Over & out.
It has been a series of slightly odd events escalating to my sitting in my apartment watching a Chilean music video channel playing Asian pop music from the late '90s- early 2000s. I wonder if Alyssa or Kayla ever saw this etcTV and had this same, "Wait, WHAT?" reaction. Now don't get me wrong: most of the world loves the same songs we in the US do and can't understand English, and I've never had a problem with liking a song regardless of my ability to understand the lyrics. But this is a "classic favorites" show. So these videos are old favorites here in Chile. And just when I wondered if there was a random Asian music video channel broadcast here, the vj came on, a 20-something-year old girl wearing (oddly retro) black & red flannel, speaking in Spanish. Right now a boy band from Korea is doing a more talented take on the Backstreet Boys. That is what I've liked about music from other countries: the singers tend to be able to sing first and foremost. This was a trend I found particularly refreshing in Hispanic music.
A Korea boy duo is singing in English ("Something"). Maybe it's all Korean videos, except for that "Clown" video by Will Chan out of China.
So to sum up, I'm watching Korean boys singing a song in English on a Spanish music video channel.
In other news... well there's a bit of other news. I found heavy cream yesterday! Not in the milk aisle. Oh no-- it was in the canned fruit aisle. Because why not? And honestly it's a bit thicker than the heavy cream in the US. But the important part is, I've had 2 real cups of tea this morning. The first since I've had since I've been here.
My electric teakettle stopped working yesterday morning. That was an unpleasant surprise. That'll mean another trip to the always-super-crowded Hitite or Fallabella department stores.
At 1 AM this morning my tablet found a weak yet still usable wifi signal that doesn't require a password. Wasn't there earlier this week. It comes and goes if the tablet goes to sleep, but I'm still hitching a connected ride on it for the time being. My iPhone can't find it, but I've gotten facebook, which is the proof in the pudding of it actually working.
The great news this morning was that my toilet's flusher isn't working. Which is AWESOME because today is day 1 of a holiday weekend. This being Chile (or honestly, I think anyplace outside of the US), my so-far-untested theory is that there won't be anyone available to fix it until Monday morning. In a testimony to the adaptability I'm capable of in spite of my masterful whining, I thought, eh, I'll live. I'll figure something out if it stays this way. I'll eventually go downstairs to what's app my landlord Fernanda, but honestly, I wouldn't want to disrupt her or anyone else's holiday plans for something so small. I was glad to find I just have to lift the valve in the tank by hand, so yeah, should be fine.
Ok, well the Asian music video show is over, and it's time for the resident fat guy & his 2 nerd friends to host some video game show (in Spanish). Which is my cue to find something else to watch on tv. Over & out.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Addendum to the bitch list
Sitting here at Starbucks, my pants fluttered due to the goddamned pigeons & I realized, OH MY GOD! I haven't bitched about the fucking pigeons!
They are so unconcerned about people that they can't even see them anymore. They will fly RIGHT over your head. They would probably settle down on my shoes & try to build a nest if I don't shoo them anyway. They are kamikaze demons that leave you ducking & screaming. Not that the Santiagoans notice. Maybe the pigeons only fly at gringas?
I debated on adding this one, because this is my issue everywhere I go. But there are 2 things about Sanatiagoans that has me grinding my teeth all day, every day. It is their COMPLETE & UTTER ABILITY to walk in a straight line, and to move so slowly as to practically cease to move at all. My mind boggles at how SLLLOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLLYthey amble. They amble everywhere. They amble when you're going down to the train platform & hear a train coming. I am SO curious as to what could ever get these people to show ANY sense of urgency in getting... anywhere. And they amble in pairs or groups, so you are doomed to getting stuck behind them repeatedly.
And these groupings or pairings CANNOT WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE. They will cover the whole sidewalk, zigging & zagging their SLOOOOOOWWW way to wherever they're going. They actually have an inborn sense that someone is behind them, & that is when their aimless meandering is worst. But what's ODD is that, it's not done with malice. The Chileans simply don't have enough malice in them to do this just to piss off the people behind them. Maybe it's an evolutionary development limited to here.
Along with walking slowly... well, they do everything slowly except talk. But, going to a very understaffed Jewel in Chicago, I thought I'd seen slowly moving grocery store lines. Ha. HAHAHAHHAAHA. You know how there are 12 registers but only 2-3 people running them? Yeah, same here, except you must add on several seconds to each tiny movement any person here makes. So that person with 3 items? You'll wait 10 minutes for them to be done, if there aren't any complications. But, when aren't there complications?
They are so unconcerned about people that they can't even see them anymore. They will fly RIGHT over your head. They would probably settle down on my shoes & try to build a nest if I don't shoo them anyway. They are kamikaze demons that leave you ducking & screaming. Not that the Santiagoans notice. Maybe the pigeons only fly at gringas?
I debated on adding this one, because this is my issue everywhere I go. But there are 2 things about Sanatiagoans that has me grinding my teeth all day, every day. It is their COMPLETE & UTTER ABILITY to walk in a straight line, and to move so slowly as to practically cease to move at all. My mind boggles at how SLLLOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLLYthey amble. They amble everywhere. They amble when you're going down to the train platform & hear a train coming. I am SO curious as to what could ever get these people to show ANY sense of urgency in getting... anywhere. And they amble in pairs or groups, so you are doomed to getting stuck behind them repeatedly.
And these groupings or pairings CANNOT WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE. They will cover the whole sidewalk, zigging & zagging their SLOOOOOOWWW way to wherever they're going. They actually have an inborn sense that someone is behind them, & that is when their aimless meandering is worst. But what's ODD is that, it's not done with malice. The Chileans simply don't have enough malice in them to do this just to piss off the people behind them. Maybe it's an evolutionary development limited to here.
Along with walking slowly... well, they do everything slowly except talk. But, going to a very understaffed Jewel in Chicago, I thought I'd seen slowly moving grocery store lines. Ha. HAHAHAHHAAHA. You know how there are 12 registers but only 2-3 people running them? Yeah, same here, except you must add on several seconds to each tiny movement any person here makes. So that person with 3 items? You'll wait 10 minutes for them to be done, if there aren't any complications. But, when aren't there complications?
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
We are LONG overdue for my bitch list.
W(h)ine? DON'T MIND IF I DO!
Another letdown of a day here in Chile. Yeah, yeah, I've been here one MONTH, give myself and the country some time. How MUCH time exactly, though? I saw an ad for, well God knows I really don't know what the hell it was for, it was very minimalist in text and images, but I saw that the name of the organization was Patagoniasomething. And I thought of how I intended to travel when I got down here. But everything seems so hard to do here. It seemed SO MUCH EASIER in Asia. HOW could it be EASIER in Asia? Maybe it's just my maladjusted perspective that thinks since I've settled in here and hadn't planned trips like I had in Asia, hence messing with a trip already planned is easier than a nonexistent one. But I mean, change my itinerary last-minute to stay longer Chiang Mai? No problem! Go to the market and buy I-don't-know-how-to-say-that-in-Spanish by the, oh-did-I-mention-I-don't-know-how-much-it-should-weigh, either? Nah, that's alright, I'll just starve. I have rice, tea, and well sure, alcohol. But not all of my cornucopic variety from home-- I have YET to see single malt scotch here. Blends, sure, but Macallan? My two 20-something guy students today hadn't even heard of Macallan, nevermind Laphroaig or Talisker.
I came home needing some tea, but also a drink, because existence in this country requires a constant, steady dose. I can't say the gin in my tea tastes bad, but what I REALLY wanted was an Irish tea. With heavy cream, which, you know what? I can't find that shit here. So here is a list of the things I intentionally or unwittingly gave up to come to Chile:
-heavy cream. And you know? I kind of would LOVE to get my milk from the fridge, rather than in the shelf-stable boxes they're currently housed in. But oh. Oh how I miss heavy cream.
-scotch
-a variety of white vermouths
-a variety of cheeses. Get ready to start a lifelong love affair with queso fresco! Variety is not the spice of life here. How GREAT would Cheddar cheese taste with that brocolli? Only my memories will tell me.
-wasabi & ginger with your sushi. You will get ONE slice of ginger, & a small pea-sized dot of wasabi. Apparently, that's as much as a Chilean can stand. You can ask for extra. I'm not sure how much extra I'll need to ask for before I get something that can be seen with the naked human eye.
-the internet
Let's pause there. The internet. I have 20 MB/month. This means: no netflix, no skype, basically no facebook (hey, your new profile pic ate up 3 days' worth of data, and that was the first post in my updates! Thanks so much!). *Update: now though, I have NO internet in my apartment; it went off at some point in the wee small hours of Sunday morning. I'm not sure if it's because I already used all the data or because my wifi is as reliable as the rare cafe's wifi, which is dependent on clear skies & sunshine. Half the time, you will find that that cafe with wifi doesn't have it today. This is met with a shrug-- what a suprise, it went out again. But most of the time, whatever establishment you think of going into does not have wifi. And since everything is closed on Sunday, so is the wifi.
-plain yogurt is HARD to find. I've only found it in 1-2 grocery stores. I stock the eff up when I see that shit. There is an entire WALL of the nasty fruit-on-the-bottom crap I can't stand, or the overly-sweetened and chemically-manufactured flavors.
-quinoa. No seriously, what the FU** CHILE!? Instead, you again have half an aisle, 1 entire side of every store I go into, dedicated to white rice. How many brands of it do you need? Of course, you could make that case in the US for bread, and I've seen, for example, orange juice. I just didn't think it'd be hard to find quinoa-- we are NOT FAR from where it's cultivated, amiright!? *Update: Talked to a teacher who has been here for about 4 months. Quinoa can be found in specialty natural stores for the outstanding deal of $18/box.
-lemons. I guess they're just seasonal here & I should be grateful? It's not difficult to find the Chilean so-called equivalent for lemons, which are mostly green instead of yellow & rockhard. Leading me to believe they're not ripe. They're as concerned with tomato quality here as the US... but while I can find an entire shelf of canned strawberries, I miss the tomatoes. They must be in the pasta aisle, which I don't need, because of the whole no-wheat thing.
-limes for juice. They're the size of peach pits and have the same amount of juice.
-COFFEE. CHRIST. I'm the Ancient Mariner here: coffee coffee everywhere, but not a drop to drink. My options are: Nescafe (SERIOUSLY, WORLD, what is your OBSESSION with this crap?? Ever heard of American exceptionalism? One way that the US is different from the rest of the world is that it's not that into Nescafe. That's 1 thing the US has over... EVERYONE ELSE EVERYWHERE), or some other instant/powdered coffee. You can buy Nescafe in cafes! They probably sell it in Starbucks! But what if you don't LIKE Nescafe, because your taste buds weren't killed off decades ago?
-fresh herbs. Alright, the case can be made that I haven't gone to the green markets, only grocery stores.
-Oh, did you want PALEO with that? Huh. Good fucking luck with that.
-wait... coconut milk WITHOUT sugar? Yo... yo no comprendo. This does not exist. Maybe it comes already sweetened in cans on the trees?
-a store that sells the tools to get into their products. I will never get over the corkscrew fiasco. And the only ones I've seen, and the one I got, is that really cheap plastic kind, which actually took the cork out in 2 pieces. I mean, it's better than the no-corkscrew wine which is generously sprinkled and served with cork. But then, there were still a few errant bits of cork in the bottle I opened. Maybe that's a thing here?
-central heat. Anyone who knows me knows I am harboring a cold hatred for the southern hemisphere for missing out on this 200-year-old innovation. If only my hatred could keep me warm. It can't-- otherwise, I'd be heating this entire building.
-screens. Again. Seriously southern hemisphere. This is 1 of those recent innovations that are actually incredibly affordable and awesome.
-the ability to exit the subway from whichever exit you choose. Half of the salidas are actually only for a change of platform-- you can't actually get the hell out. No ma'am. You have to go back downstairs and find an exit that IS an exit. Apparently, deciding that dammit, you WERE going east but now you want to go west, is as popular an option is using the metro to get from point A to point B.
Then there's being told that whatever place you are teaching/meeting is off the ___ metro stop. Hey, that's super, but each metro station has different exits for different streets/directions. Which INCREDIBLY helpful IF you are provided with a little more info. So when I exit the Tobalaba station, which of the 4 should I take?
-dryers. Imagine your clothes taking 3 days to dry. Yes, the dream can be yours, just come to a place without heaters, indoor heat, and a damp winter. Or, you know, go to Asia. WHERE AT LEAST YOU'D BE WARM.
-being able to get food quickly. My electric stove... I mean, I had one in Columbus, & they always suck, but it still cooked shit! It takes 3 hours to make 4 servings of rice. Usually I spend the 1st 2- 2.5 hours checking the pot that is still full of water, albeit at least steaming. Then, it all evaporates and burns to the pan in the next 5 minutes. I have yet to make rice that didn't stick to the pan.
But mainly, try to sit down at a restaurant or even cafe and leave in under an hour. Only having a cappuccino? Well, you'll sit for 10 minutes, then they'll see you, they'll give you 5 minutes to decide, and then take 20 minutes to make it & bring it. (And there's the whole "Crema or leche?" I didn't get this, until I said crema & they brought me a cappucchino with whipped cream instead of frothy goodness.) You really need to ask for your cuenta as soon as you order, too, because it'll be another 30 minutes after you've been served dinner before you'll see the server again to ask for it. This takes another 15 minutes to be produced. Unless you got coffee. Then? You have to go up to the counter, because you won't see the server ever again.
For this, they want to be tipped 10%, which is the same US$ amount as 20%.
-skirt hangers. WHERE CAN I FIND THEM!??? CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!! Some of my pants just want to hang from the waist, rather than folded over a plastic bar, forming a crease.
-ziplock bags. I shit you not, these do not exist. I have been to the big grocery store, smaller ones that are still chains. I have not seen garbage bags or ziplock bags. Diapers, yes. Cleaning stuff, uh-huh. Papertowels, sure. There is not 1 thing of foil or Saran wrap or little storage bags anywhere. A Chilean couchsurfer didn't know what the former was, and told me aluminum foil would be in the hardware store.
* UPDATE: I found an errant, all-by-itself roll somewhere in a large grocery store. Still waiting for plastic stuff to appear.
-the ability to use American as a nationality. You might have heard, South Americans take offense at us answering to the name Americans because they're from America, too. I mean, yes, I see what they mean in that they're also from a continent named America (oh... by the way: North & South America are one continent here. Because they're connected. Asia & Europe are still two different continents, though). Look. The name of your country is Chile. Not Chile of America, not Chile, America or American Chile. Just Chile. When I go... PRETTY MUCH anywhere else in the world, I'm an american(a). Chileans give me that America is in the name of my country, but this is more a grudging concession which in no way changes it being wrong to usurp the title of American in their eyes. As a result, I am constantly stopping myself or correcting myself from using American as an adjective-- I have to say ____ from the US.
-effing witch hazel. Google translate gave me the Latin name. Ok; I've seen it on bottles I got (EASILY! CHEAPLY!) at the grocery store in the US. The woman at the beauty supply store has no idea what that is. At the pharmacy, at first the pharmacist seems confused, then starts showing me a plethora of tubes & bottles that have... some ingredient in it. She asks if I want lotion. No, I want just plain 'ol witch hazel. Astringent. When I say that last word, Spanish-ified, she brightens up & says I have to go to a dermatologist to get that. I have to go where for what!?!!?!?! Are you effing INSANE? I'm not going to a doctor for what Jewel & every Walgreens sold for 99 cents! Jesus.
But you want to hear a REALLY funny story? My students said Americans complain a lot. I was surprised to hear this, at first, since America's the land of shiny happy puppies bouncing around smiling for no reason. They said that Alyssa, their former teacher, did that all the time. I, on the other hand, did not complain. Ha. HAHAHAHAHHAHHA. Just, you know, not to them. That's what YOU guys are for. Besides, why complain to people who don't know what they're missing?
Another letdown of a day here in Chile. Yeah, yeah, I've been here one MONTH, give myself and the country some time. How MUCH time exactly, though? I saw an ad for, well God knows I really don't know what the hell it was for, it was very minimalist in text and images, but I saw that the name of the organization was Patagoniasomething. And I thought of how I intended to travel when I got down here. But everything seems so hard to do here. It seemed SO MUCH EASIER in Asia. HOW could it be EASIER in Asia? Maybe it's just my maladjusted perspective that thinks since I've settled in here and hadn't planned trips like I had in Asia, hence messing with a trip already planned is easier than a nonexistent one. But I mean, change my itinerary last-minute to stay longer Chiang Mai? No problem! Go to the market and buy I-don't-know-how-to-say-that-in-Spanish by the, oh-did-I-mention-I-don't-know-how-much-it-should-weigh, either? Nah, that's alright, I'll just starve. I have rice, tea, and well sure, alcohol. But not all of my cornucopic variety from home-- I have YET to see single malt scotch here. Blends, sure, but Macallan? My two 20-something guy students today hadn't even heard of Macallan, nevermind Laphroaig or Talisker.
I came home needing some tea, but also a drink, because existence in this country requires a constant, steady dose. I can't say the gin in my tea tastes bad, but what I REALLY wanted was an Irish tea. With heavy cream, which, you know what? I can't find that shit here. So here is a list of the things I intentionally or unwittingly gave up to come to Chile:
-heavy cream. And you know? I kind of would LOVE to get my milk from the fridge, rather than in the shelf-stable boxes they're currently housed in. But oh. Oh how I miss heavy cream.
-scotch
-a variety of white vermouths
-a variety of cheeses. Get ready to start a lifelong love affair with queso fresco! Variety is not the spice of life here. How GREAT would Cheddar cheese taste with that brocolli? Only my memories will tell me.
-wasabi & ginger with your sushi. You will get ONE slice of ginger, & a small pea-sized dot of wasabi. Apparently, that's as much as a Chilean can stand. You can ask for extra. I'm not sure how much extra I'll need to ask for before I get something that can be seen with the naked human eye.
-the internet
Let's pause there. The internet. I have 20 MB/month. This means: no netflix, no skype, basically no facebook (hey, your new profile pic ate up 3 days' worth of data, and that was the first post in my updates! Thanks so much!). *Update: now though, I have NO internet in my apartment; it went off at some point in the wee small hours of Sunday morning. I'm not sure if it's because I already used all the data or because my wifi is as reliable as the rare cafe's wifi, which is dependent on clear skies & sunshine. Half the time, you will find that that cafe with wifi doesn't have it today. This is met with a shrug-- what a suprise, it went out again. But most of the time, whatever establishment you think of going into does not have wifi. And since everything is closed on Sunday, so is the wifi.
-plain yogurt is HARD to find. I've only found it in 1-2 grocery stores. I stock the eff up when I see that shit. There is an entire WALL of the nasty fruit-on-the-bottom crap I can't stand, or the overly-sweetened and chemically-manufactured flavors.
-quinoa. No seriously, what the FU** CHILE!? Instead, you again have half an aisle, 1 entire side of every store I go into, dedicated to white rice. How many brands of it do you need? Of course, you could make that case in the US for bread, and I've seen, for example, orange juice. I just didn't think it'd be hard to find quinoa-- we are NOT FAR from where it's cultivated, amiright!? *Update: Talked to a teacher who has been here for about 4 months. Quinoa can be found in specialty natural stores for the outstanding deal of $18/box.
-lemons. I guess they're just seasonal here & I should be grateful? It's not difficult to find the Chilean so-called equivalent for lemons, which are mostly green instead of yellow & rockhard. Leading me to believe they're not ripe. They're as concerned with tomato quality here as the US... but while I can find an entire shelf of canned strawberries, I miss the tomatoes. They must be in the pasta aisle, which I don't need, because of the whole no-wheat thing.
-limes for juice. They're the size of peach pits and have the same amount of juice.
-COFFEE. CHRIST. I'm the Ancient Mariner here: coffee coffee everywhere, but not a drop to drink. My options are: Nescafe (SERIOUSLY, WORLD, what is your OBSESSION with this crap?? Ever heard of American exceptionalism? One way that the US is different from the rest of the world is that it's not that into Nescafe. That's 1 thing the US has over... EVERYONE ELSE EVERYWHERE), or some other instant/powdered coffee. You can buy Nescafe in cafes! They probably sell it in Starbucks! But what if you don't LIKE Nescafe, because your taste buds weren't killed off decades ago?
-fresh herbs. Alright, the case can be made that I haven't gone to the green markets, only grocery stores.
-Oh, did you want PALEO with that? Huh. Good fucking luck with that.
-wait... coconut milk WITHOUT sugar? Yo... yo no comprendo. This does not exist. Maybe it comes already sweetened in cans on the trees?
-a store that sells the tools to get into their products. I will never get over the corkscrew fiasco. And the only ones I've seen, and the one I got, is that really cheap plastic kind, which actually took the cork out in 2 pieces. I mean, it's better than the no-corkscrew wine which is generously sprinkled and served with cork. But then, there were still a few errant bits of cork in the bottle I opened. Maybe that's a thing here?
-central heat. Anyone who knows me knows I am harboring a cold hatred for the southern hemisphere for missing out on this 200-year-old innovation. If only my hatred could keep me warm. It can't-- otherwise, I'd be heating this entire building.
-screens. Again. Seriously southern hemisphere. This is 1 of those recent innovations that are actually incredibly affordable and awesome.
-the ability to exit the subway from whichever exit you choose. Half of the salidas are actually only for a change of platform-- you can't actually get the hell out. No ma'am. You have to go back downstairs and find an exit that IS an exit. Apparently, deciding that dammit, you WERE going east but now you want to go west, is as popular an option is using the metro to get from point A to point B.
Then there's being told that whatever place you are teaching/meeting is off the ___ metro stop. Hey, that's super, but each metro station has different exits for different streets/directions. Which INCREDIBLY helpful IF you are provided with a little more info. So when I exit the Tobalaba station, which of the 4 should I take?
-dryers. Imagine your clothes taking 3 days to dry. Yes, the dream can be yours, just come to a place without heaters, indoor heat, and a damp winter. Or, you know, go to Asia. WHERE AT LEAST YOU'D BE WARM.
-being able to get food quickly. My electric stove... I mean, I had one in Columbus, & they always suck, but it still cooked shit! It takes 3 hours to make 4 servings of rice. Usually I spend the 1st 2- 2.5 hours checking the pot that is still full of water, albeit at least steaming. Then, it all evaporates and burns to the pan in the next 5 minutes. I have yet to make rice that didn't stick to the pan.
But mainly, try to sit down at a restaurant or even cafe and leave in under an hour. Only having a cappuccino? Well, you'll sit for 10 minutes, then they'll see you, they'll give you 5 minutes to decide, and then take 20 minutes to make it & bring it. (And there's the whole "Crema or leche?" I didn't get this, until I said crema & they brought me a cappucchino with whipped cream instead of frothy goodness.) You really need to ask for your cuenta as soon as you order, too, because it'll be another 30 minutes after you've been served dinner before you'll see the server again to ask for it. This takes another 15 minutes to be produced. Unless you got coffee. Then? You have to go up to the counter, because you won't see the server ever again.
For this, they want to be tipped 10%, which is the same US$ amount as 20%.
-skirt hangers. WHERE CAN I FIND THEM!??? CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!! Some of my pants just want to hang from the waist, rather than folded over a plastic bar, forming a crease.
-ziplock bags. I shit you not, these do not exist. I have been to the big grocery store, smaller ones that are still chains. I have not seen garbage bags or ziplock bags. Diapers, yes. Cleaning stuff, uh-huh. Papertowels, sure. There is not 1 thing of foil or Saran wrap or little storage bags anywhere. A Chilean couchsurfer didn't know what the former was, and told me aluminum foil would be in the hardware store.
* UPDATE: I found an errant, all-by-itself roll somewhere in a large grocery store. Still waiting for plastic stuff to appear.
-the ability to use American as a nationality. You might have heard, South Americans take offense at us answering to the name Americans because they're from America, too. I mean, yes, I see what they mean in that they're also from a continent named America (oh... by the way: North & South America are one continent here. Because they're connected. Asia & Europe are still two different continents, though). Look. The name of your country is Chile. Not Chile of America, not Chile, America or American Chile. Just Chile. When I go... PRETTY MUCH anywhere else in the world, I'm an american(a). Chileans give me that America is in the name of my country, but this is more a grudging concession which in no way changes it being wrong to usurp the title of American in their eyes. As a result, I am constantly stopping myself or correcting myself from using American as an adjective-- I have to say ____ from the US.
-effing witch hazel. Google translate gave me the Latin name. Ok; I've seen it on bottles I got (EASILY! CHEAPLY!) at the grocery store in the US. The woman at the beauty supply store has no idea what that is. At the pharmacy, at first the pharmacist seems confused, then starts showing me a plethora of tubes & bottles that have... some ingredient in it. She asks if I want lotion. No, I want just plain 'ol witch hazel. Astringent. When I say that last word, Spanish-ified, she brightens up & says I have to go to a dermatologist to get that. I have to go where for what!?!!?!?! Are you effing INSANE? I'm not going to a doctor for what Jewel & every Walgreens sold for 99 cents! Jesus.
But you want to hear a REALLY funny story? My students said Americans complain a lot. I was surprised to hear this, at first, since America's the land of shiny happy puppies bouncing around smiling for no reason. They said that Alyssa, their former teacher, did that all the time. I, on the other hand, did not complain. Ha. HAHAHAHAHHAHHA. Just, you know, not to them. That's what YOU guys are for. Besides, why complain to people who don't know what they're missing?
Friday, August 8, 2014
Sunday: I knew I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning/afternoon
Ok, I grant you that:
1.) mornings have always been impossible for me, and
2.) in my hostel, getting out of bed has meant leaving a nice warm bed for a cold, unheated room,
but my first indication should have been that I didn't wake up 'til 11. Normally, I'll wake up between 9:30- 9:45, and stay in bed, shuddering against the idea of leaving my warm blankets. Then I'd conduct some business (mainly in the form of email) while still covered, and finally force myself to get up after 60-90 minutes.
At first, I thought of my still-long shopping list, and how on top of shopping, I also needed to leave to find wifi that I could abuse for the attachment-loaded emails I had coming.
Now, 2.5 hours later, I am grouchy because there was no wifi to be found. I wandered near my apartment, found a street big on shopping and restaurants, but because it's cloudy, there's no internet today. My first thought was, "There's a debate on whether or not Chile is a third-world country. When your wifi's functionality is dependent on a clear view of the sun, you're in a third-world country." But hell, the internet was prone to getting knocked out for a few hours by storms in Chicago, so is it REALLY that valid a comparison?
I'm finally trying the bar around the corner from my apartment. Naturally, this fine establishment isn't fine enough to have even signed up for wifi that wouldn't work on a cloudy day anyway.
And the thing about wifi? I HAVE wifi in my apartment. Wifi that would work, even today, I am sure. But due to the draconian limits of data I can get on it per month, I can't just open and send emails with attachments. I'm concerned about going on facebook: do the pics on that count against my data? Yep, see, most of you are thinking that a 3-year-old knows the answer to that. And I, lacking such basic knowledge, decided to use the world-savyness I've just demonstrated by moving to another country. Because clearly I've got the know-how to back this thing up.
Which reminds me of another idea I've encountered in Chile (though every time I've left the country, I've had to hear it from at least a few people): that I am just a mugging-victim waiting to happen. I am CONSTANTLY being told I have to be careful: put your phone/purse/laptop/whatever away & out of sight, because someone will just walk by & take it. & due to my being a gringa, I will be targeted by thieves & muggers. I don't know. Maybe I've just been lucky, and everyone else is right. But it reminds me of when I went to Italy, and before and after I got back, I heard countless stories of pickpocket victims or outright muggings. This never once happened, and was, from what I could tell, ever really a danger. I honestly can't figure out who these people are & what vibe they're giving off. Is it becaue I'm used to living in a city & always being aware of my surroundings, consciously and un-? That I usually wear my purse secured to myself in some way? No: I've switched to my handheld black-&-red Italian purse.
More & more I am of the opinion that it's my Resting Bitch Face. I've always thought of it as a handicap when dealing with everyone but my fellow suffererers or Europeans. (Aside: we all know I wanted to be in Italy, right? That anyplace that isn't Italy is Purgatory? We all know that, for all the issues I had with Paris, 1 of the things I've loved about the Old World, Paris included, is that the US custom of smiling as your default expression is indicative of being an idiot? My friends at work were just as likely as the random person on the street to accost me with questions about everything being ok when I was just walking, minding my own damned business. I'm a terrible liar therefore a terrible actress, hence I know I was walking around with a, I-will-fuck-you-up-for-breathing-asshole look on my face. People in the US are as ignorant of the subtlties of not-smiling as lint. I'm beggining to think it's one of the many points of commonality among North & South Americans.
My brother-in-law Bill said that Chile is like the US' little brother, and I have to say, I see it. I get the sense that behind/beyond the ubiquitious couples kissing everywhere is the same conservative attitudes on a wide variety of subjects. God, you'd think being in a country that doesn't think a drink at lunch and kissing wherever you are would mean you'd left behind boring, irritating Puritanism. Nope.
1.) mornings have always been impossible for me, and
2.) in my hostel, getting out of bed has meant leaving a nice warm bed for a cold, unheated room,
but my first indication should have been that I didn't wake up 'til 11. Normally, I'll wake up between 9:30- 9:45, and stay in bed, shuddering against the idea of leaving my warm blankets. Then I'd conduct some business (mainly in the form of email) while still covered, and finally force myself to get up after 60-90 minutes.
At first, I thought of my still-long shopping list, and how on top of shopping, I also needed to leave to find wifi that I could abuse for the attachment-loaded emails I had coming.
Now, 2.5 hours later, I am grouchy because there was no wifi to be found. I wandered near my apartment, found a street big on shopping and restaurants, but because it's cloudy, there's no internet today. My first thought was, "There's a debate on whether or not Chile is a third-world country. When your wifi's functionality is dependent on a clear view of the sun, you're in a third-world country." But hell, the internet was prone to getting knocked out for a few hours by storms in Chicago, so is it REALLY that valid a comparison?
I'm finally trying the bar around the corner from my apartment. Naturally, this fine establishment isn't fine enough to have even signed up for wifi that wouldn't work on a cloudy day anyway.
And the thing about wifi? I HAVE wifi in my apartment. Wifi that would work, even today, I am sure. But due to the draconian limits of data I can get on it per month, I can't just open and send emails with attachments. I'm concerned about going on facebook: do the pics on that count against my data? Yep, see, most of you are thinking that a 3-year-old knows the answer to that. And I, lacking such basic knowledge, decided to use the world-savyness I've just demonstrated by moving to another country. Because clearly I've got the know-how to back this thing up.
Which reminds me of another idea I've encountered in Chile (though every time I've left the country, I've had to hear it from at least a few people): that I am just a mugging-victim waiting to happen. I am CONSTANTLY being told I have to be careful: put your phone/purse/laptop/whatever away & out of sight, because someone will just walk by & take it. & due to my being a gringa, I will be targeted by thieves & muggers. I don't know. Maybe I've just been lucky, and everyone else is right. But it reminds me of when I went to Italy, and before and after I got back, I heard countless stories of pickpocket victims or outright muggings. This never once happened, and was, from what I could tell, ever really a danger. I honestly can't figure out who these people are & what vibe they're giving off. Is it becaue I'm used to living in a city & always being aware of my surroundings, consciously and un-? That I usually wear my purse secured to myself in some way? No: I've switched to my handheld black-&-red Italian purse.
More & more I am of the opinion that it's my Resting Bitch Face. I've always thought of it as a handicap when dealing with everyone but my fellow suffererers or Europeans. (Aside: we all know I wanted to be in Italy, right? That anyplace that isn't Italy is Purgatory? We all know that, for all the issues I had with Paris, 1 of the things I've loved about the Old World, Paris included, is that the US custom of smiling as your default expression is indicative of being an idiot? My friends at work were just as likely as the random person on the street to accost me with questions about everything being ok when I was just walking, minding my own damned business. I'm a terrible liar therefore a terrible actress, hence I know I was walking around with a, I-will-fuck-you-up-for-breathing-asshole look on my face. People in the US are as ignorant of the subtlties of not-smiling as lint. I'm beggining to think it's one of the many points of commonality among North & South Americans.
My brother-in-law Bill said that Chile is like the US' little brother, and I have to say, I see it. I get the sense that behind/beyond the ubiquitious couples kissing everywhere is the same conservative attitudes on a wide variety of subjects. God, you'd think being in a country that doesn't think a drink at lunch and kissing wherever you are would mean you'd left behind boring, irritating Puritanism. Nope.
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