And back, from forth.

Kristin stating in a comment on my previous waffling, "I'm just nervous that wherever you go, would it be different enough?" is what has me continually tottering back and forth.

Yes, I can find schools without kindergarten more easily now since I'm already here. It's the OTHER issues that I'm not sure would be the same or different. A school with more foreign teachers would likely be a bit more helpful, as there's a better chance that the more people, the better a chance of finding people sympathetic and sensitive to your struggles and plight.

A lot of other stuff would stay the same, a lot of other stuff that I don't love necessarily, but that I have either already accepted it's just that way here and not get upset, or can live with it even though it annoys the hell out of me.

It's the entangled culture shock in there that complicates it all. I can't really extricate the culture shock aspect from the rest, and what's unique to my situation at this school and which is just Korea. That's why I'm not sure, would I just take all the anxiety and worry with me when I go to another school because it's the stress of adjusting to the culture on top of the big mother smegging learning curve, or not.

Honestly there've been times that I'm a bit embarrassed to admit to culture shock, particularly as, other than China, it just hasn't been a thing, including in Thailand. I always remember talking this through with Keri when I was in Santiago and thought my dislike of the country must be culture shock. That I've been enough places, enough different places, that that shouldn't be a factor. But then I know that living and working somewhere brings in a lot more stressors, complications, and knowledge about a place than a really good, in-depth visit can. So I am making my peace with that and accepting that that's what's happening on top of everything else.

I felt all freaked out all morning into the afternoon today, and the kids weren't even there. I think it's because on top of everything, I'm super nervous about giving my notice, which I planned to do on Friday, so that's still hanging heavily over my head. And, again, I'm constantly second guessing how much of this, ESPECIALLY the anxiety and panic, are due to the stress of figuring shit and adjusting which I'll deal with anywhere, or specific to where I am, and feeling like Elmo is completely reconfirming my initial concerns of dealing with young learners.

Since Kiara mentioned she'd had a hell of a time adjusting, and it was just the 2 of us at lunch, I asked her about hers. She said that it took 6 months for her to adjust. Some of that was that she had to stop hanging out with and listening to another teacher who was constantly telling her bad things people said about her. But it was also feeling like she was making lots of the same mistakes, and likewise feeling like the kids didn't listen to her. She said that finally after that 6 months she felt better, she was better able to resist making the same mistakes, and that it took that long for Anna to acknowledge her, so to speak, because she just saw Kiara as new..

She also said that I came at a slightly funny time, with graduation and it being toward the end of the year, where everyone was at their wits' end with the kids. Now that we'll have a few new classes, she thinks it'll be easier because I'll already be here as a teacher when they walk in, giving me a bit of an extra boost of authority. Though interestingly she also said that I'm a calm person, whereas Anna, whom EVERY kid listens to is more... passionate (I believe the word STILL is dramatic, my God are Koreans dramatic), so maybe crowd control will never be my strong suit.

SOOOooo, yeah. Not left feeling any clearer. Turns out that Kiara only extended her contract by 6 months, so she'll be leaving in June. My 6 month mark is July. If I give my notice on Friday, the end of that 3 months will also be June.

And my goal is to go to another school. The only hinky part is how the school will take it. I listened to Sara complaining to Kiara that Anna had told Kiara which kindergarten classes were hers, whereas we still haven't been told and Anna's not in any sort of hurry to let us know (despite the fact we need to decorate our classrooms). The extra punch-in-the-gut for Sara is that they gave Nemo class to Kiara, and Nemo's a continuing class, and they were Sara's. Sara knew that all of our classes could be switched, but it didn't seem as likely. Why does Anna only tell Kiara stuff? Sara wanted to know. Of course, this wouldn't be a Kiara conversation without another inward shaking-my-head moment: she said since Hetty's new, Anna's under a lot of stress not just with the usual class arrangements [hence my extra concern about springing my notice on them soon], but running the school since Hetty's still figuring shit out... and that she thinks it looks like Sara doesn't take her job seriously, so they don't take her all that seriously. So, again these are my singers of wisdom, innocence and experience.

But, you know, then again...

Ok, panic restarted shortly after waking up because I have to go to work tomorrow. No kindergarten until Friday I think. Who knows? No classes Tuesday to Thursday or Friday (though Tuesday is a holiday).

More research. Realized that either way, I've got to at least get a few more paychecks so I can save for my airfare. Which means another 3 months, I'd guess, at the least, of constant anxiety because I hate my job. While I can see the sense in 3 months' notice to line up a new native teacher, many in the know are indicating that the hagwons usually use that time to make a teacher's life hell.

I'm sure there's a good amount of professional culture shock still going on, but I hate teaching kindergarten. That just isn't going to change. And there's no way I can stick it out for a year. I will still talk to Kiara about how she adjusted though still believe that just won't help. I have to be ready to just leave if they do make my life hell after I give the notice, but I really don't see them doing that. This isn't one of those nightmare hagwons: there are no issues with pay or what the contract promised (so far. Still waiting on my insurance card, but it appears that can take up to 5 weeks from when she got a copy of my ARC card which was, oh yeah, last week of January). So honestly, the horror stories don't appear to be true. So I'm debating on the end of this week giving notice, though really it's better to give it at the beginning of the month, for a more logical start/end date.

Mentions of talking to recruiter... I can reach out, though I'm not optimistic about that, and wouldn't want to do that 'til after I've talked to the school, in case he calls or whatever.

I went back and forth, thinking no, I should just stick it out, culture shock, blah blah blah, but I'm old and experienced enough to know when a job isn't working for me. So... maybe wait 'til the end of March to give myself the extra cushion? Just, again, not sure I can take 4 more months. Particularly as I'm paying back airfare no matter when I leave if it's before the completion of the contract.

Lol. Look at that, done waffling. I'm quitting. I really don't believe this school will go the awful hagwon route, they just aren't a shitty school, but we're not a good fit. I need the 3 months to get the money together to go. Was thinking give it 1 more month before giving notice if it is culture shock, but hating teaching kindergarten isn't going to change. We get paid in 2 weeks, so I'll be getting 5 months' salary to use. Still worried like hell about this, but gotta do what I gotta do.

HA! Spoke too damned soon.

I made the mistake, while in crisis mode, of writing to a friend's friend, Blu, who has been working in Korea for quite a few years. The problem is that I've actually felt WORSE after messaging him before. He didn't get back to me until after I'd felt good that I'd come up with a solution to the problem. I'd stopped panicking and feeling anxiety for the first time in over a week, only for him to tell me that it's pretty common for the old employer to badmouth teachers to their new school, even if things seemed to end well between you. Making it sound like it was a sure thing. And honestly? I'd have rather have been blindsided by that, because at least then I could've thought optimistically and stopped the negativity and panic spiral I am so prone to. And then I thought I should just ignore what he says because, hell, I figured Kiara had a clue about what was going on here since she'd been here for a while and just agreed to extend her contract with the school for a year, but her advice by and large hasn't helped at all.

I'd feel better if I at least knew that I COULD just sink myself a little further in debt and fly back home, but all my credit cards are at their limit. So my only option was to try and move on to a new place as professionally and courteously as I could, only to be dismissed with added doom and gloom and a, "Sorry Korea didn't work out for you." Seriously. This is the help I was given.

I COULD try going to Thailand, but I'd only make enough to break even. And while I liked it there, it just wouldn't help.

So! Back to panicking and depression and feeling sick and not knowing what to do, but hoping that all of my advisers will be wrong again. Just really, really hoping, because I'm out of options.

Ok, I am firmly out of crisis mode

Suffice it to say, it was a doozy of a week. I am fairly certain there won't be another so jam-packed full of insanity and deadlines all converging in one week and two days, but yesterday I almost quit on the spot. And after a sober Friday night and plenty of unloading unto friends (thanks Tausha and Jason), I have decided to follow through and at least give my notice to ILS.

This week was kindergarten graduation, which was not my fuck show to make, though I still had to participate. As mentioned in my previous post, I was relegated to running the slide show. This still had me anxious, and quite frankly I thought that my constant state of soaking in my own cortisol would be over once the ceremony was on Thursday. But ohhh, how wrong I was.

Next week, on Monday, all elementary classes will take the Big Assessment Test. Most of the tests for each story is in a folder. You cut and paste them into one document, based on how many stories the kids read, cherry-picking them based on what you think the kids will be able to answer relatively easily, and to get a total of about 20-25 points per test. The main problem with this was that copy and pasting into a new document sets up all sorts of auto-numbering issues, that quite frankly I lost the battle with. Mainly because I knew that to get through this contract and accept my role as glorified babysitter, I had to stop giving a shit. And that included caring that much if a new section (like going from multiple choice to writing the answer) would cause the document to start the numbering again at 1 or not. Sometimes it did, sometimes it did not. Plus, other than what I'm writing, all of Windows is in Korean, so unless I remember where this option is exactly in the menu, I can't really tell what I'd be clicking on, so I don't. I took care of my tests (all of them, I thought), a few weeks ago. It wasn't 'til late Tuesday afternoon that I realized I had one more test to put together, and it was going to be taken on Thursday. Giving me one day, a day when I had no breaks, plus whatever time after the graduation ceremony on Thursday, to finish it.

Except they decided that the new owner/principal should look at them all Wednesday afternoon. Then I discovered to my horror that the book my Thursday test-taker didn't have any tests already made up, and I'd have to make up the questions myself. On the same day and actually while being reminded that Hetty the principal wanted the tests around now. I somehow got that put together, and printed up the rest to give to her.

Hetty called me into her office to tell me how very unhappy she was that I would give to the new principal what I did: tests with numbering that wasn't consistent. This was upsetting enough, but one of the tests I'd printed also had an extra 8 blank pages at the end I'd forgotten to delete, so there were those 8 blank pages attached. This is a monumental waste of paper (despite the fact that I just put them back in the printer after). She also added that I'm an "ok" teacher, though we also needed to work on my keeping my students focused. I knew that had to mean Elmo, which quite frankly no one can keep in line. They finish the work on the schedule every day, so not quite sure what the real issue is there. I told her if she had suggestions for handling them I was all ears as no one else did. She just said something about having different personalities that would affect solutions to that or something.

So getting called into the principal's office for a scolding, when on the one hand yes the numbering issue isn't great, but ultimately I fail to see it as quite the big deal that she did, is always unnerving. Thursday and Friday is also when we had to submit all of our students' report cards (in 2 different systems, one of which only has the kids' names in Korean). This means not only indicating my opinion on their grammar, fluency, etc., but also a paragraph about each kid, which can include a soft statement of issues you may be having with them, but mainly blowing sunshine up the parents' asses about their little devils.And entering all of the lesson plans for March into the system. No one mentioned that, this being a new school year, several of my classes would now have different names. So some I entered into the wrong files. Then there was one that I had to move everything down a day because it turned out when I'd made the month's plan we didn't know if students would return to school next Wednesday or Friday. This one I did for Wednesday, but it ended up being Friday. And on Thursday the vice principal told me that E2A, the one class lesson plan I'd already put into the file, would now have a new book that we'd do every Friday. So I had to go back and completely rewrite/rearrange that one. I asked the VP (Anna) if I could see the book to see how many pages we'd need to get through, but we won't get trained on this book (Hessed Thematic, whatever that means) until Wednesday the 2nd, and I'll have my first class with it on Friday the 4th.

So at this point I'm pretty well past my breaking point of stress, particularly as while I'm trying to get the lesson plans entered or re-entered or rearranged and re-entered, Korean teachers keep interrupting me to ask about another class' plan. There were other teachers (though no VP or principal) in the office when I said out loud I'd just have to give my notice and quit. No one said anything though. And I just didn't care if they did.

Wednesday, Kiara mentioned to me that she noticed I was getting stressed out, and that I sometimes behaved in a way that makes that obvious, even though cultural differences probably mean the Koreans don't even notice. That makes no sense to me as I'm sure the signs are pretty universal, they've worked with Americans plenty, but also if they don't notice then who cares?? Kiara said she had a HELL of an adjustment here. I agreed I needed to work on that. I'll definitely talk to Kiara to see how she dealt with it, as she, like me, had no relationship with any of the English teachers when she started either. But as I've already determined that Kiara is no help at best, I don't have much hope of that working out so well.

We also found out Friday that all of us will have a pre-k class to teach this year. My one worry that I'd discussed with the previous owner was having to work with pre-k, which OF COURSE she said wasn't a problem. Honestly, the one morning class I didn't hate, Clifford, was pre-k, so part of me was thinking as I was mulling all of this over most pessimistically, that maybe I should wait until I've seen the new schedule and met the kids. But ultimately, even when I didn't have to worry about getting through a full morning with Elmo because we all had graduation practice all day, every morning I'm having mini-anxiety attacks going to work. And anxiety all evening and on the weekends when I'm not there. I had another job like that. I made it 6 months before that hell finally ended. And I can't live like that. Or live with hating my damned job. I did that for 5 years, and life really and truly sucked.

All in all, Jason begged me to just come home, he'd pay for my flight. Ah, how I wish that were true! Lol. But it's always nice to hear.

It's not uncommon for people to transfer their visas to new schools, you just need a letter of release from your current school. The schools are legally required to give this to you, provided you resign within the contract's rules. This is commonly 30 days. The only other issue is quitting before 6 months means the school will deduct the amount of your flight from your paycheck. The 6 month point is basically universally when you've worked enough that you won't be docked for that. Tausha told me there are plenty of openings April and May, especially in Suwon, which is also a little closer to Seoul.

My only concern was I was positive that, having not even fully completed 2 months here, I absolutely do not see how I can make it another 4 to get to the 6-month point. It sucks being docked $700, but I can live with it since I've been financially comfortable since getting paid in February. Of course, I can always just ditch them and leave without much of a word. I can come back to Korea and work after my current ARC expires next January, provided I don't include this job on my resume. But it's easier to get a job from here, and why head all the way back to the US when I want to see what it's like working here when you DON'T hate the environment, kids, and have no support network within the school to help with your adjustment before I just say, nope, I can't deal with teaching in Korea.

This also really fucked with my plan of paying off debt by working here in Korea for a year OR 2, then heading back to the US to become certified to teach and get my MA, giving me better options abroad, the ability to teach in the US, and will be a lot less financially depressing without the debt I have now. Were I to return to the US now, I'm just not financially prepared for that. Getting a job in the US is SUCH a fucking pain, never mind one that's part time that MIGHT let me live in a studio instead of having to be a burden to whoever might take me in while I'm unable to work during the day during the practicum portion of schooling. Not to mention the testing and application process to get into these programs.

I read my contract and was given even MORE bad news. When I'd read it before signing it (which I did), I didn't pay close attention to the quitting portion. I know, I know, but you know, I was excited to be getting a job, and it wasn't at the forefront of my mind what quitting this new job would entail. My contract has the excessive requirement that I give 3 months' notice of quitting. As I've said, I just do not believe I can make it last that long. I think one more month is probably all I can take. And then? Turns out that quitting before the end of the 12 months will mean I'm going to have to pay them for my flight anyway. Tausha, who seems to agree that my school's bullshit is very excessive and unnecessary, was particularly shocked at these 2 added-on insults to my psychic injury, lol. Oh well. I guess at least now I definitely have no incentive to worry about my inability to last another 4 months.

Aside from the financial issue of losing $700 and then having to shell out another $1000 or whatever to get back to the US, plus the issue of finding a job and where I'll go, etc., I'd feel ashamed that I'd made such a bad decision and failed in my plan.All in all, everything looked pretty bleak.

But after letting myself panic over it all for a bit, I calmed down, reminding myself that naturally I had run out of most of my liquor at the same time, and had to go to emart to restock. (Korea's Target). Which is also what people apparently do on a Saturday night here. It's always crowded on the weekends of course, but you'd think maybe enough Koreans (and the Chinese too, I'm told), who stick to very American-style meal times religiously might be leaving the store by 6:30-7:00. And that plenty would also be going out, particularly as they don't face the language barrier that keeps me from having someone else do the cooking for me more often, especially as good meals out can be cheap here.

It had occurred to me that just having a certain, more imminent end date, might definitely make it possible for me to make it through. So, calm and ok and walking to emart, I decided that, kind-of-scary as it is, and unhappy about my inability to stick it out as I am wont to do, I am going to give the school my 3 months' notice. As I said, hopefully having that end date within a slightly-closer grasp will get me through. It also occurred to me that they may well decide to fire me when I give it to them, which scares me but should still mean I won't have an issue getting that release letter, and won't have to last that long. If I just ABSOLUTELY CANNOT make it, there is always putting my tail between my legs, repacking my stuff and heading back home.

How to celebrate a 12-hour time difference birthday, and other more troubling difficulties.

I naturally celebrated my birthday on the day of it here, though what I kept thinking was, technically since I was born in the US and they're a good 12 or so hours behind, it was technically not yet a full year since my last birthday, yet I was feeling and acting as though it was. Kristina, I think rightly, said that it all meant I would have to celebrate my birthday for 2 days, rather than one.

My birthday wasn't great, simply because I just don't like where I work. We're gearing up for graduation for the 7 year-olds, so they'll no longer be coming to the school in the mornings. Kiara has been in charge of this cluster-fuck, and rehearsals have shown me it's going to be just that. Some of the songs the kids still don't know, even after probably a good 3 months of learning the songs. (So Anna, the vice principal I give more detail about below, decided meant the kids should sing ANOTHER song, because that won't cause any problems at all!) I was assigned the task of getting the kids lined up for going on stage for their various performances, which went as well as everything else does with me telling them what to do: mostly no one listening. At this point I'm not quite sure how I cannot exert any sort of authority over the kids, since most of them are fine the few times I have classes with them, and I don't feel intimidated or worried or anything like that. But the fact remains that lining up took at least twice as long as it should have when I was the US teacher in charge of this task. Kiara realized her mistake, so now I'm in charge of the slide show, and Sara is in charge of lining up the kids.

Anna is the assistant principal of the school. Before my working there, Kiara gushed about how awesome Anna is. Naturally I think she's a bitch. Because, really just across the board anymore, and especially after this past week, I have determined that when Kiara says something, I should do the exact opposite. We teachers were in the office and Anna was telling me something about the lines. I told her I was now doing slides and Sara was doing that. Anna asked when that happened, and now Kiara had to apologize for not keeping Anna updated on this. Why it would be that big of a deal to her, I couldn't tell you, but then Anna really does show signs of leaning toward micromanaging, albeit only occasionally. Anna asked why, and naturally, Kiara, having all the bluntness of an Asian and none of the subtlety or diplomacy of a Westerner, explained it was because I couldn't control the kids as well. Ok, I mean I say all of that about Kiara, particularly because I think in most cases among Americans, when there are others around, one tries to be a bit more circumspect in their criticisms, but the fact is that... that's the fact of the matter-- I can't control the kids! Nevertheless, I remain as galled and a bit angered and confused that Anna's response was to turn to me (remember, most of the teachers are in the room too) and says, "Oh, so you FAILED." Well, firstly, failed isn't quite the right word for this. But in any event, I was pretty shocked and, as I said, galled, angry, a bit embarrassed, etc.

I have heard often of how blunt and downright rude Koreans/Asians in general can be. Any teacher will tell you that if you usually wear makeup to school, and then one day you don't, the kids will spend the day saying, "Teacher! You are ugly today!" We're not sure if it's because they don't have the vocabulary for plain, if they don't have that sort of terminology in Korean, or if it's just in keeping with saying things that most Westerners would find a bit rude because that's just how things are. I knew of this. But I can't tell you how knowing it doesn't really mitigate the shock of it when it happens to you. What's worse for me is the added concept of Asian saving face, which is the concept of denying responsibility for a bad thing, which can include blaming the person who discovered it, or lying, or both, anything to keep you from having to say, "My bad," and, even more crucially, "Let's fix it."

So all in all, my knowledge of some of the cultural idiosyncrasies that one encounters in Asia (including the bumping into people without an acknowledgement of it in China first, but a bit here too) does not necessarily make it easier to take.

All of this has led to Anna finding other teachers to come help me get Elmo class to practice their graduation speeches. All the other classes have theirs down, but Elmo sure as smeg has not. On the one hand, I appreciate it because they are a bit better-behaved with Koreans, yet at the same time Eric, for example, acts just the same with them around as he does with me, so I continue to not feel quite so ineffectual knowing that it's what everyone there deals with when it comes to them. On the other hand, I feel like a bad teacher because I don't have sufficient authority to be able to have Elmo speech practice time on my own.

So all of that was this week as well, not all on my birthday. My birthday had its good moments:

Drawings from Clifford's Lydia and Jessica, who shocked me by remembering it was my birthday and deciding to make these during draw time

and bad, but I believe the worst moment of my birthday (not week) was when I was leaving and waved goodbye to the new owner Hetty, whom we all actually like. She was on the phone but looked like she wanted to say something, so I waited. Apparently, in the continued spirit of showing me how little I can rely on any of the Americans here, both past and present, is that the sheet with what I was told had the school's mailing address for the immigration office to mail my ARC card to (they mail it to the school, and I'd been wondering how much of a wrench the 3-day holiday Feb 9th had thrown into my getting the damed thing, because I'd been waiting a while) had the address wrong, so the post office sent it back and I had to go back to immigration to pick it up. 

Hetty told me to talk to Anna about seeing if I could go during the day on Thursday, but I have an hour class with a kid at 5, so my going at around 2:30 wouldn't have gotten me back in time. Not knowing if this would take as long and require the usual waiting, I left my damned apartment at 6:30 on Friday morning to get a nice early ticket.

As luck would have it, it only took 30 minutes to get there, and I was actually the first person there. Luck also had it that this was the day the office wouldn't open the doors for us chumps until 8:50. So I had a GREAT TIME standing outside in February for about 2 hours.

When we were let in, we found the ticket machine is not working. It took the office a leisurely 10 minutes to start manually handing out tickets, and another 5 to start calling us. I was pretty at a loss of what to do-- do I need to go stake my claim as #1 in line over by the gate to the staff desk areas? Eventually they started serving us ticket-holders. I explained the situation to a woman, and she told me to go across the office to get it. I wasn't sure if she meant across the immigration office and hallway, or just across to the little office where they have the 2 women manning a desk by the photo booth, so I went there. Naturally, they had no idea what I needed, even less because they don't speak a word of English. They directed me to window 8, to the woman who'd actually helped me get my paperwork in. I went over, explained, and she just shortly said, "It isn't here." I was like, "Uhhh, wha-!? They told me it was sent back here." "It's not here," is all she said again, a bit angrily now, before making clear I was dismissed from her line.

So now I'm frantic, because where is that FUCKING CARD so I can get a fucking SIM card and open a bank account and feel  like a human being?! I went right back over to the first woman, and now she definitely pointed me out of the office and into the hallway. I was both relieved and feeling idiotic because had I just looked while heading over to the original office, I'd have seen a sign in English that said, "ARC Card Pick-up." But then, it's always stressful going there, still wasn't sure if the line would be respected on our way there, and then the lack of the ticket printing machine really threw us all for a loop. I took a number, which was the next up, and can now, FINALLY, FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY say I'm an official legal alien in fucking South Korea. Oo da lolly.

Less moving forward, more standing still

I can't remember, and can't be bothered to check, if I had written yet about the residency card, or ARC (alien resident card). Anyone who is in Korea to live/work must get this card. Without it, you cannot get a SIM card, health insurance... your life is at an utter standstill, and I was still was still waiting on mine.

My first day at work I was told that I needed to go in for step 1 for the ARC, the health check. This is to make sure that us foreigners don't infect and otherwise sully the pure Korean population. I knew that a blood test for communicable diseases would be required. Sara-teacher sweetly offered to go with me to the clinic to get it, particularly as I hadn't used the buses or trains yet, and the directions for this clinic were apparently way wrong. And we couldn't find the name of the clinic anywhere online. In any event, as I've mentioned before, the foreign teachers are expected to help each other with all of this, accompany the new teachers, and take care of ourselves/each other. And because I work at a crappy hagwon, everything must be done before or after 9:30 AM/after 7 or 8 PM, rather than giving you some flexibility/leeway in your schedule to accomplish anything.

Luckily the bus stop across the street goes right to said clinic. Thanks to Sara-teacher bringing her own test and the SLIGHTEST smattering of Korean, she communicated to reception that I needed mine. Thank God Sara was there too, because the few times when they supposedly called my name, I heard nothing remotely that sounded like Jennifer. (I've been told by every other teacher here that at least one Korean accompanies the American teachers because of the language barrier. But ours apparently isn't like most, read: not bad, schools).

First I was surprised to find that I was going to have my chest x-rayed. After that, we went upstairs where they measured my height, weight, oddly my chest measurements, and took my blood pressure. After that I peed in a cup, and finally they drew my blood. The results are available pretty immediately, though you have to go back to get them. It is critically important that you get TWO copies of the test results, one of which MUST be in a sealed envelope-- that one I was to give to June-teacher, the school's owner. The other one I would bring with me to the immigration office for the ARC.

Going to immigration is usually where at least one other teacher accompanies you again, as it's about an hour on public transport, and according to Tausha it's also in Korean, so you need someone who speaks it with you. And when you work at our school, you also need to get there before the office opens so you can get an early number, as again, you have to get this done and still get to work by 9:30, even though the first class isn't 'til 10:30.. Oh, and while the doors open between 8:00 and 8:30, they don't actually start work til 9 AM. If I was going to come after 9:45, I was to call the assistant principal... only of course I can't because I dont't have a SIM card. If there's no wifi, I am incommunicado.

As I may or not have mentioned before, Sara requires a phone call to make sure she's up (though she has lost her 2nd phone in 6 months, has lost her keys 2-3 times, and her ARC card once). I called, and she said she'd be to my place in 15 minutes. BUT she didn't actually show up til 7:45, about 45 minutes late. Naturally, by the time we got there, the doors had already opened and people had tickets. I had 26, which very much meant I was not getting in to see any wizards that day. I can't tell you how unhappy it made me to know that I'd gotten up extra early to go and just have to turn around and leave.

So the next morning I left a bit later than I wanted, at 6:45. There were around 7-8 people already there, but thank God none of the Asian line shoving, so once we were allowed in from the cold, we went single file in the order we'd arrived. More good fortune that the immigration girl helping me spoke English. I had a few heart-stopping moments, like when she extracted the now-unsealed health check, asking me if I'd opened it and telling me it was supposed to be sealed. (One of the many nails in the coffin of Kiara being a fooking idiot, as she'd told me that one didn't need to be.) I feverishly and despairingly imagined having to go back to the clinic AGAIN before 9 to try and communicate I needed ANOTHER sealed copy, and then coming back to immigration before 8 AGAIN. But thank GOD she had mercy on my plight and soul and accepted it. The other freak-out moment was when she told me my passport pics were too big for the application. Again, all I could think was I'd have to go to E-Mart or someplace for pics, and return again. Luckily they have a photo booth that takes the right sized picture there.

Once that was done, she told me to go pay the 30,000 won at the ATM on the other side of the office and come back with the receipt. Naturally, I'm confused because I have cash, so I don't need the ATM. Eventually she somehow gets across that that's where I deposit the payment. I wait in line, frantic about it being about 9:18 and that I am still not quite sure about paying an ATM, even though I used to follow my managers from the Yum-Yum Tree to the ATM to deposit the day's cash. As everything's in Korean, I'm further unable to figure out how this all works. Thankfully a bank woman came and helped. I took it all back, and was on my way to school, knowing that I'd finally done the hard work on the ARC and only had to wait 2-3 weeks for it.

"Well at least you've been almost as bad about updating as I have about checking for updates."

-Mark

Well Mark was right, I’ve been terrible about updating this. This is because there isn’t really an opportunity to at work, and I’m there all damned day, and when I get home I just want to sit and not think and sometimes drink.

So Mark also asked,  "Settled into the job a bit better or still about the same?" And the short answer is I’m readjusting to hating my job? No, not really. Every Sunday, try though I might, I start feeling extremely stressed out and anxious. Monday mornings on my way to work it gets worse. I get through Elmo classes, it’s not as bad as the crippling anxiety of course, but I can’t even feel relief because I go straight into elementary classes, with just a slight break for lunch. Despite it all, the anxiety and stress doesn’t really go away until Thursday night.

 Eric is still a major issue, whereas Ian isn’t because thank God, he’s out of school for February. Maybe as part of the Lunar New Year holiday which was today, Monday, but we are blessed with Tuesday and Wednesday off as well. So I’m still stuck with the worst problem student, but it’s a bit less hectic because Ian isn’t occasionally throwing his own pint-sized monkey wrenches and whining into the mix. The other 2 kids, Allen & Jayden? Those 2 are fucking angels.

Part of this is undoubtedly because I absolutely and positively started bribing the little demi-monsters with lollipops. For the first week, it was for everyone who did their work and behaved. Now I’m starting to tell them that either everyone gets them because everyone in class did what they were supposed to, OR no one does because not everyone was behaving/working/what have you. I know that singling out kids (Eric) who are chronically misbehaving isn’t what you should do, but when it gives me a minute of some semblance of order, I couldn’t care less. Also? Glorified babysitters don’t have a responsibility to care that much. And as I’ve said, my job title notwithstanding, that is my actual job.

Adjustments all around too, because last week Jayden and Allen were excited to show me their new pencils, or something, and when Allen & Eric got into a fight and Eric supposedly head-butted Allen in the face (not enough to cause screaming, crying, bruising, marks or bleeding), Allen came to get me to fix the situation. So if nothing else, I’m seen as the disciplinarian! Which fits, since someone who’s been teaching in Korea for almost 10 years told me that Korean kids in general encounter very little of that. Particularly boys.

Outside of the kids, work isn’t my favorite place to be because I have no friends at work. Kiara and Sara answer any questions I have, but they converse together and ignore me the rest of the time. I’d prefer to have a friendlier work environment, but, well, there isn’t one! Lol. The Korean teachers are fine. What’s funny is, Kiara went through exactly this, none of the foreign teachers liking her before. Now she’s acting that out with me. But neither Kiara nor Sara offer the kind of company I’d miss anyway. For example, Kiara, “I-came-to-Korea-to-see-God-in-a-different-way,” enjoys philosophizing, and I get to witness it without having to worry about being dragged into the devastating wasteland of her lagging intellect through participation. Like when she wanted to ask Sara, who’s Muslim, if she feels weird about everyone at the school talking about Jesus loving them since she’s not Christian. If everyone around her were talking about some Muslim saint loving her, she’d feel that of course that saint and God doesn’t love her or care about her because she believes in Jesus. So she’d feel bad.

How bad does it feel to know that Kiara thinks Jesus doesn’t love you because you use the Arabic word for dad instead of Hebrew or English?

Beyond all of that, I’m at work a fuck of a lot. Aside from meaning I don’t have the time for keeping you knuckleheads updated in a timely, reasonable fashion, I also have less inclination to spend the 3-4 hours before bedtime working out. Suffice it to say that is a whole other issue. I’ve started doing shorter HIIT workouts. No more than around 10-15 minutes, though there’s usually a 10 minute cool down as well. I am currently getting those workouts in about 3 times a week, sometimes 4. There’s a gym with weight equipment kind of around the corner from me called the Personal Trainer Gym. I’d look to go there to join once I ACTUALLY have money again, but then wonder about how I’ll get myself to go there given my lack of desire to spend the precious minutes I’m not at work working out.