Saturday, March 24, 2018

Exhaustion for the win!...?

I had another shit-happened-but-I-just-shrugged trip. Though I'm also beginning to suspect any route that takes me south to Bundang to go north to Seoul.

I was planning on going to a meet-up for people from the TEFL certification program I completed. The suggested route by Citymapper (I would literally not attempt to go anywhere without it) was to take a bus south to Bundang (around 15 minutes) then take one all the way north to Seoul, with only 4 stops.

All went as planned until, well, the usual traffic jam going up into & once in Seoul. True, this is only the second time I've done it, but yet again, I was but ONE STOP away when the bus driver ordered us all off. I was debating taking another bus, but was wondering at the nonstop stream of people walking in front of the bus stop & crossing the street. I saw a guy talk to a bus driver for a completely different bus ask him some questions, then not get on, & several people to get off. It was around 1.6 km & a 29 minute walk. I was cold, but meh, I decided to try to see this trip through as best I could.

Best I could was surrounded by historic buildings & people walking around in hanboks (traditional Korean dress, mainly women). Citymapper's one problem is it often can't get you DIRECTLY to the door-- when it says you're there, you could have another 2 minutes in whatever direction to go. I was in some street without cars, lots of hanbokked-people, but no idea where the place I was looking for was. Though hell, the street I was looking for was DEFINITELY nowhere that I could see either. After wandering for 15 minutes or so, my phone's battery was just under 50%, & I needed to use what was left to get me back out of there, so as seems to happen with some regularity these days, after an hour on buses & 30 minutes walking, I gave up, found the train & went the hell home. All I could think was I spent 1.5 hours to get nowhere & go back home, which seemed about right.

When I got home an hour 10 later, I tried watching Law & Order on one of the pirated sites I usually use, but the buffering was constant & annoying. I spent another 30-45 minutes searching for the different sites I use (some of which were no longer working), exhausted but too exhausted to be angry.

This exhaustion thing isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me, if that's what this is.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

No surgery!

No tears, partial or otherwise in any ligaments or tendons-- just a slighter sprain of the calf muscle. Sophia was pretty sure, but the doctor did an ultrasound just to be sure, which confirmed it. I don't even have to not workout!-- just no dynamic stretching, & I think no jumping/plyo moves, which comically means then I don't know what I can do since that's the only exercise I do now, lol.

Honestly it had already been getting better since Tuesday-- by this morning, it really didn't hurt at all, even when straightening my leg & flexing the knee backwards, which was what hurt before. Tuesday night when I went to bed, laying it out straight hurt, which is what she guessed might be the case. Wednesday morning it was sore & stiff for about 1.5 hours, but after that, it was pretty much fine, & has only barely bothered me very occasionally since then. 

The only thing is, no timeline, so I've no idea when I can get back to my full leg routine. But balance work shouldn't be a problem, & neither will some careful yoga, & I'll see in about a month or 2 (or whatever the internet says the most, lol). SO glad!

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

I'm so fucking angry at myself right now.

It's allergy season, so my nose is dripping, running, my throat's a little peeved. I woke up early to go to Costco, so was really tired today. By the end of the day, day one of my period too which sooo doesn't help, I felt really tired & run down, plus my allergy symptoms, I was wondering/am wondering if I'm catching something. Today was supposed to be super hard leg tabata. Decided to just do some leg yoga, just 35 minutes, so I'd still get something done, but not push too hard just in case. I wavered back & forth on doing it, but just went ahead.

I was maybe 5 minutes in when we stood on our right legs, left ankle rest on right quad, & you sit back, which stretches the left IT band, hip & glute. Especially mine b/c it's tighter. She said sit a little lower, even though I could feel it, I did, & heard a popping/crackly sound @ the same time I felt slightest pain or discomfort.

I immediately stopped & started freaking out because this is exactly what happened when I hurt the other knee probably 10 years ago. Well maybe not exactly but pretty fucking close. & I WAS DOING THE EXACT SAME GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING STRETCH. I'm so PISSED if I fucked up the other knee. It took months for the doctor to let me do anything again. My fitness went to crap, my thigh never recovered because it's still weaker than the left.... It only SLIGHTLY, SLIGHTLYSLIGHTLYSLIGHTLY hurts. I really hope that girl that I saw last time can get me in & that I'm fucking wrong.

Thing is, when I went to see her, it's because I was feeling pain in my knee/leg DOING THIS SAME STRETCH. She said no one should EVER stretch that way, & I stopped, but then would still do it standing in yoga BECAUSE IT'S YOGA.

I'm so deeply unhappy now. I'm not tired anymore, but I'm so really unhappy, not hungry, don't want to go to bed & sleep, don't want do anything, I'm just so fucking upset about this.

But unfortunately I have to do dishes, get lunch ready, shower, get to sleep so I can get up & go to brunch @ a sushi/seafood place because I STUPIDLY told Anna I can do sushi. Wanna bet fucking Korea's never heard of sushimi/sauteed NOT breaded & fried fish? I'm willing to take that bet. So that my longer day can get EVEN LONNNNNGER because I'll be fucking starving & tired & irritated & unable to workout & worrying myself over fucking myself up AFUCKINGGAIN.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Update!

My shit should be on its way out of customs, where it has been sitting, minding its own business. Apparently, customs tried to call me, but I keep my phone on do not disturb because I get daily marketing calls from my phone company (of course I do), & the only other calls are once-every-6-months from a Korean who just keeps speaking Korean at me until I hang up, or hangs up when they hear me not speaking Korean.

Korean phone companies don't have voice mail, believe it or not, because why would they? Honestly, today I just don't feel like Korea-ing. I got up early to get my passport picture taken (even though I could use the booths @ like every metro station, I didn't want to have to factor in finding it, plus the added worry that it would be broken down), & @ 11:15, they said it'd be ready in an hour, but naturally when I got there @ 5 to 1, they needed an extra 10-15 minutes. & on my way there, I had to deal with Koreans who failed to develop proper spatial skills, so they won't move aside when we're passing each other. On the escalators, they follow the (international except the US?) rule of standing on the right so people can walk by on the left. They drive on the right side of the street, but like the US, they walk willy-nilly all over the sidewalk. When people are walking together, they'll walk next to each other, 3-4-5 abreast, moving soooooooo slowwwwwwwwly. & otherwise, they have little concept of personal space, live in a void of logic, & as mentioned, have underdeveloped spatial because (I've been told) they're in school so young & for so long), so they don't understand moving aside so you don't bump each other/each other's bags, etc. I just hit them with my bag & then turned to yell @ them in English.

I've been meaning to study SOME Korean so I can at least say, "how are you?" to the nice people at my grocery store, but I just don't have the energy or even thought of it when I get home from work, or it's the weekend.

But ANYWAY, that current-mood-tangent aside, I posted to the fb group to see if anyone knew how else to get in touch with customs, since there's no phone #, just the message board where they may (or in my case) may not reply. I asked Saint Anna to call,  & after dialing another 2 phone numbers, found out that one of the vitamins I ordered is illegal to import, like melatonin. & they needed my permission to go into the package, remove the offending vitamin, & send the rest along. They forwarded a form that I printed out, signed, scanned & emailed back. They're also supposed to include something I can use to get a refund on said stupidly-banned supplement. (You also are only allowed to order up to 6 vitamins/supplements at a time.) So hopefully I'll be getting the long-looked-for kakao message from the post office letting me know they got my package, & when they're delivering it.

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One more thing, & this one is, as usual, a bit inexplicable. Soju, the cheap ubiquitous  Korean liquor with many flavors (my forbidden favorite, grapefruit, b/c my skin hates citrus) I just found out is made from sweet potatoes. It's clear too, so this should be like the safest alcohol for me to consume besides wine. I've not had it since the last time I tested my skin's reaction to the grapefruit variety. & my skin is red & feels a little burned, particularly on my forehead. I got PLAIN soju, for crying out loud. I can eat sweet potatoes, no issue, but I drink a sweet potato alcohol, & my skin loathes it. WTF?

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Is it a temporary phase,

or am I becoming more zen?

Funnily enough, Jason's been going through the same sort of thing, not getting upset about stuff, & doing it not in the angry, I-don't-give-a-shit sort of way, but in the just, not-getting-upset-about-it way, which is what I'm experiencing too.

In addition to the kitchen, there's Korea & even dare I say it? life in general. I ordered some vitamins & a few other things from iHerb in February. They arrived @ Korean customs on Feb 11, & there they have stayed. Naturally, there's no way to contact them, except a message board, where they I think will only reply if they've decided they're done dicking around &/or found your package &/or decided to let the crazy, dirty, slutty foreigner have her, in this case, vitamins, but in another case, vibrator (true store, a saga all us expat women followed along with on the facebook page). Sometimes I get a little upset that Korean customs' Keystone Kops can't decide if my liquid iodine is dangerous (it's the only thing I can think of that I've never ordered before), but then I calm down & tell myself to relax, though I'm fairly certain there's no way to get the money back in this case, & it was $100 worth of stuff.

Then today I got a slightly more personal temporary kick in the gut. There's a guy I was talking to for a bit, Hass, who lives in Paris but was in Korea... wow I think last year @ this point, to start building a spa here (the wisdom of which I'm not sure about, but it seems moot since he never adjusted to the new time zone here & never filed any paperwork). He, OF COURSE, was only looking for a FWB, while I'm not. We talked quite a bit, then he went back to Paris & didn't write to me for around 2 months. Then he begged me to talk to him, & I did. He always said he had to come back to Korea, & first it was in a month, then another month, then 2 months, then sooner than that he had to go to China. While obviously we could never be involved, I still really enjoyed talking with him, even if I did still have a slight thing for him, mostly I just really liked talking with him occasionally.

When another month or so went by & I saw my fb messages weren't getting through, it occurred to me he must now be in China. Just to test it, I tried to call him through messenger, but it told me he could not be reached at that time & some other stuff, making me very confident he was in China.

That was November & December. January went by but I never forgot about him of course (though he has nearly forgotten me before, lol/anger), & it wasn't until mid-Feb that I checked the messages to see if he'd seen the message. By then, he'd seen it. But no word from him.

I just went on with it, until today when he showed up in tinder. So he's back! & not a word from him. At first, I was shocked & upset, not yelling or acting upset, just... shocked. Then I calmed myself down, knowing that we could only have been friends anyway, but it's hard to be friends with so many people in their 20s today, as they all have the emotional capacity of styrofoam.

So I keep wondering, am I getting better? Funnily enough, the last time I saw my dear friend Laura (the girl who hosted wine night, which is where I made all my friends), we talked about tarot & past life stuff. Laura's always maintained she's toward the end of her cycle, & if you buy into or at least have an interest in this stuff, you'd get that sense too), she said I'm in my 20s in my cycle. CHRIST. The 20s are SUCH a God damned struggle. I would SOOO love it if this shit is real that I could grow enough in this life to come back much further along, & definitely not be in my 20s anymore! I fear it's just temporary,but I'm REALLY hoping that maybe all this struggling here in Korea finally had a growth effect on me & I'll get less upset about life in general. God, here's fucking hoping.

Saturday, March 3, 2018

I'm ready to tentatively say it.

It ONLY took 2.5 years, but I honestly think I'm FINALLY adjusting here. SOMETIMES, not all the time, but sometimes, & even more & more I'd venture to say, when I go outside, I'm not violently angry. I don't feel hatred & annoyance at everyone & everything all of the time I can think kids in the store, often at risk of getting in my way, are cute. I SMILE AT PEOPLE.

& add wine? I'm JUST FIIIIINE. Tonight, I went to Lotte Mart. I held the door for TWO PEOPLE (that isn't done here, mainly because you'd never stop holding the door, there are so many people. & I get that. At Lotte Mart, especially on the ground floor entrance, that's not an issue). I smiled @ people in front of me when they looked at me. DID YOU READ WHAT I JUST WROTE? I FUCKING SMILE AT MOTHERFUCKERS! RANDOM MOTHERFUCKERS EVEN!

I mean sure I have lapses: when an old woman @ the bus stop today stared @ me so hard so she turned her body & head to keep doing so to where I stood, I made a point of opening my eyes super widely right back at her. But otherwise, like when kids did at the building my school's in, I don't get all annoyed because, seriously, they HAVE to have seen other white people, & I still don't totally get how seeing one in person vs on an ad is all that different. But even THAT I'm starting to care less about!

& then tonight I'm getting all excited b/c some friends & I (I THINK) are planning on taking a weekend trip in May to Daegu to see the lantern festival. It will be crowded AS FUCK, you can't even imagine if you haven't been to Asia or been on Santiago's subway system, honestly, what crowded af means now, & how much I hate it even more than normal crowded. But I'm still excited! Once I started cooking dinner tonight I remembered one of the reasons I don't do these weekend trips is: what will I eat? Rice? LOLOLOLOL FUUUUUUUCK NO, I CAN'T! & yet, I'm STILL planning on going & not caring about that part.

& I did get the air purifier! It was neither as big nor as heavy as I feared, & I was totally able to carry it through the subway & get on & off the trains & bus with it. It needs only the filter on gmarket. It looks brand new, even the cord! So soon air quality won't be a reason to skip my workouts!

Thursday, March 1, 2018

The excitement of spending money on things we don't have the money for,

but need. Assuming all goes without hitch tomorrow, I will be buying an air purifier for my apartment for 50,000 won! That's about 1/3-1/4 what I'd pay in the store for a new one, MINIMUM. If I was lucky. Filters are 40,000 won on gmarket (Korea's amazon), & it needs a new one.

I have, as usual, just under 200,000 won to last me about 2 more weeks. I have plenty of meat & eggs, which tend to be the most expensive items of food for me, so just need to keep up on veggies. I'd usually buy about 2 lb of chicken legs or breasts to cook in the oven on Tuesdays & have those for dinner after work & for post-workout protein, but I can use Costco meat for that for the next week or so too.

I've wanted to get one for a while, because even with my windows never ever opening, the air quality outside becomes what you have inside, & I ridiculously only realized this year that working out when the pollution's bad is bad (though I THINK inside is still better than outside by a bit, so it's definitely contraindicated to workout outside at all on high pollution days, but less so inside). We're heading into spring, the worst season for pollution. So given all of the info I've gotten (again, from my students' journals!) about not working out when the pollution's bad, I knew I had to do SOMETHING so I wouldn't have to skip.

People in a clean air group here have actually posted videos of themselves on how to MAKE an air purifier, which I was totally going to do, except that I couldn't get most of the supplies I needed at Lotte Mart, so was going to have to order from gmarket or something, which I'm still surprisingly lazy about. Not to mention that I'd actually have to BUILD it, which, really, is a little questionable, no matter how important, because there's really no time during the week, & on the weekends, when it's choosing between reading/watching netflix or building the purifiers, sadly, the former will always win. The one I'm buying is a good one & big enough to take care of my loft apartment. YES, I'm rather concerned about how heavy it is-- not quite sure about how able I'll be to get it to the train, etc, on my own. But having clean air in my apartment & never having to worry about working out due to the shitty air will be really fantastic. Even if that smegger is too heavy for me, which, eep.