Is it a temporary phase,

or am I becoming more zen?

Funnily enough, Jason's been going through the same sort of thing, not getting upset about stuff, & doing it not in the angry, I-don't-give-a-shit sort of way, but in the just, not-getting-upset-about-it way, which is what I'm experiencing too.

In addition to the kitchen, there's Korea & even dare I say it? life in general. I ordered some vitamins & a few other things from iHerb in February. They arrived @ Korean customs on Feb 11, & there they have stayed. Naturally, there's no way to contact them, except a message board, where they I think will only reply if they've decided they're done dicking around &/or found your package &/or decided to let the crazy, dirty, slutty foreigner have her, in this case, vitamins, but in another case, vibrator (true store, a saga all us expat women followed along with on the facebook page). Sometimes I get a little upset that Korean customs' Keystone Kops can't decide if my liquid iodine is dangerous (it's the only thing I can think of that I've never ordered before), but then I calm down & tell myself to relax, though I'm fairly certain there's no way to get the money back in this case, & it was $100 worth of stuff.

Then today I got a slightly more personal temporary kick in the gut. There's a guy I was talking to for a bit, Hass, who lives in Paris but was in Korea... wow I think last year @ this point, to start building a spa here (the wisdom of which I'm not sure about, but it seems moot since he never adjusted to the new time zone here & never filed any paperwork). He, OF COURSE, was only looking for a FWB, while I'm not. We talked quite a bit, then he went back to Paris & didn't write to me for around 2 months. Then he begged me to talk to him, & I did. He always said he had to come back to Korea, & first it was in a month, then another month, then 2 months, then sooner than that he had to go to China. While obviously we could never be involved, I still really enjoyed talking with him, even if I did still have a slight thing for him, mostly I just really liked talking with him occasionally.

When another month or so went by & I saw my fb messages weren't getting through, it occurred to me he must now be in China. Just to test it, I tried to call him through messenger, but it told me he could not be reached at that time & some other stuff, making me very confident he was in China.

That was November & December. January went by but I never forgot about him of course (though he has nearly forgotten me before, lol/anger), & it wasn't until mid-Feb that I checked the messages to see if he'd seen the message. By then, he'd seen it. But no word from him.

I just went on with it, until today when he showed up in tinder. So he's back! & not a word from him. At first, I was shocked & upset, not yelling or acting upset, just... shocked. Then I calmed myself down, knowing that we could only have been friends anyway, but it's hard to be friends with so many people in their 20s today, as they all have the emotional capacity of styrofoam.

So I keep wondering, am I getting better? Funnily enough, the last time I saw my dear friend Laura (the girl who hosted wine night, which is where I made all my friends), we talked about tarot & past life stuff. Laura's always maintained she's toward the end of her cycle, & if you buy into or at least have an interest in this stuff, you'd get that sense too), she said I'm in my 20s in my cycle. CHRIST. The 20s are SUCH a God damned struggle. I would SOOO love it if this shit is real that I could grow enough in this life to come back much further along, & definitely not be in my 20s anymore! I fear it's just temporary,but I'm REALLY hoping that maybe all this struggling here in Korea finally had a growth effect on me & I'll get less upset about life in general. God, here's fucking hoping.