I'm ready to tentatively say it.

It ONLY took 2.5 years, but I honestly think I'm FINALLY adjusting here. SOMETIMES, not all the time, but sometimes, & even more & more I'd venture to say, when I go outside, I'm not violently angry. I don't feel hatred & annoyance at everyone & everything all of the time I can think kids in the store, often at risk of getting in my way, are cute. I SMILE AT PEOPLE.

& add wine? I'm JUST FIIIIINE. Tonight, I went to Lotte Mart. I held the door for TWO PEOPLE (that isn't done here, mainly because you'd never stop holding the door, there are so many people. & I get that. At Lotte Mart, especially on the ground floor entrance, that's not an issue). I smiled @ people in front of me when they looked at me. DID YOU READ WHAT I JUST WROTE? I FUCKING SMILE AT MOTHERFUCKERS! RANDOM MOTHERFUCKERS EVEN!

I mean sure I have lapses: when an old woman @ the bus stop today stared @ me so hard so she turned her body & head to keep doing so to where I stood, I made a point of opening my eyes super widely right back at her. But otherwise, like when kids did at the building my school's in, I don't get all annoyed because, seriously, they HAVE to have seen other white people, & I still don't totally get how seeing one in person vs on an ad is all that different. But even THAT I'm starting to care less about!

& then tonight I'm getting all excited b/c some friends & I (I THINK) are planning on taking a weekend trip in May to Daegu to see the lantern festival. It will be crowded AS FUCK, you can't even imagine if you haven't been to Asia or been on Santiago's subway system, honestly, what crowded af means now, & how much I hate it even more than normal crowded. But I'm still excited! Once I started cooking dinner tonight I remembered one of the reasons I don't do these weekend trips is: what will I eat? Rice? LOLOLOLOL FUUUUUUUCK NO, I CAN'T! & yet, I'm STILL planning on going & not caring about that part.

& I did get the air purifier! It was neither as big nor as heavy as I feared, & I was totally able to carry it through the subway & get on & off the trains & bus with it. It needs only the filter on gmarket. It looks brand new, even the cord! So soon air quality won't be a reason to skip my workouts!