Kristin stating in a comment on my previous waffling, "I'm just nervous that wherever you go, would it be different enough?" is what has me continually tottering back and forth.
Yes, I can find schools without kindergarten more easily now since I'm already here. It's the OTHER issues that I'm not sure would be the same or different. A school with more foreign teachers would likely be a bit more helpful, as there's a better chance that the more people, the better a chance of finding people sympathetic and sensitive to your struggles and plight.
A lot of other stuff would stay the same, a lot of other stuff that I don't love necessarily, but that I have either already accepted it's just that way here and not get upset, or can live with it even though it annoys the hell out of me.
It's the entangled culture shock in there that complicates it all. I can't really extricate the culture shock aspect from the rest, and what's unique to my situation at this school and which is just Korea. That's why I'm not sure, would I just take all the anxiety and worry with me when I go to another school because it's the stress of adjusting to the culture on top of the big mother smegging learning curve, or not.
Honestly there've been times that I'm a bit embarrassed to admit to culture shock, particularly as, other than China, it just hasn't been a thing, including in Thailand. I always remember talking this through with Keri when I was in Santiago and thought my dislike of the country must be culture shock. That I've been enough places, enough different places, that that shouldn't be a factor. But then I know that living and working somewhere brings in a lot more stressors, complications, and knowledge about a place than a really good, in-depth visit can. So I am making my peace with that and accepting that that's what's happening on top of everything else.
I felt all freaked out all morning into the afternoon today, and the kids weren't even there. I think it's because on top of everything, I'm super nervous about giving my notice, which I planned to do on Friday, so that's still hanging heavily over my head. And, again, I'm constantly second guessing how much of this, ESPECIALLY the anxiety and panic, are due to the stress of figuring shit and adjusting which I'll deal with anywhere, or specific to where I am, and feeling like Elmo is completely reconfirming my initial concerns of dealing with young learners.
Since Kiara mentioned she'd had a hell of a time adjusting, and it was just the 2 of us at lunch, I asked her about hers. She said that it took 6 months for her to adjust. Some of that was that she had to stop hanging out with and listening to another teacher who was constantly telling her bad things people said about her. But it was also feeling like she was making lots of the same mistakes, and likewise feeling like the kids didn't listen to her. She said that finally after that 6 months she felt better, she was better able to resist making the same mistakes, and that it took that long for Anna to acknowledge her, so to speak, because she just saw Kiara as new..
She also said that I came at a slightly funny time, with graduation and it being toward the end of the year, where everyone was at their wits' end with the kids. Now that we'll have a few new classes, she thinks it'll be easier because I'll already be here as a teacher when they walk in, giving me a bit of an extra boost of authority. Though interestingly she also said that I'm a calm person, whereas Anna, whom EVERY kid listens to is more... passionate (I believe the word STILL is dramatic, my God are Koreans dramatic), so maybe crowd control will never be my strong suit.
SOOOooo, yeah. Not left feeling any clearer. Turns out that Kiara only extended her contract by 6 months, so she'll be leaving in June. My 6 month mark is July. If I give my notice on Friday, the end of that 3 months will also be June.
And my goal is to go to another school. The only hinky part is how the school will take it. I listened to Sara complaining to Kiara that Anna had told Kiara which kindergarten classes were hers, whereas we still haven't been told and Anna's not in any sort of hurry to let us know (despite the fact we need to decorate our classrooms). The extra punch-in-the-gut for Sara is that they gave Nemo class to Kiara, and Nemo's a continuing class, and they were Sara's. Sara knew that all of our classes could be switched, but it didn't seem as likely. Why does Anna only tell Kiara stuff? Sara wanted to know. Of course, this wouldn't be a Kiara conversation without another inward shaking-my-head moment: she said since Hetty's new, Anna's under a lot of stress not just with the usual class arrangements [hence my extra concern about springing my notice on them soon], but running the school since Hetty's still figuring shit out... and that she thinks it looks like Sara doesn't take her job seriously, so they don't take her all that seriously. So, again these are my singers of wisdom, innocence and experience.
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