Ok, panic restarted shortly after waking up because I have to go to work tomorrow. No kindergarten until Friday I think. Who knows? No classes Tuesday to Thursday or Friday (though Tuesday is a holiday).
More research. Realized that either way, I've got to at least get a few more paychecks so I can save for my airfare. Which means another 3 months, I'd guess, at the least, of constant anxiety because I hate my job. While I can see the sense in 3 months' notice to line up a new native teacher, many in the know are indicating that the hagwons usually use that time to make a teacher's life hell.
I'm sure there's a good amount of professional culture shock still going on, but I hate teaching kindergarten. That just isn't going to change. And there's no way I can stick it out for a year. I will still talk to Kiara about how she adjusted though still believe that just won't help. I have to be ready to just leave if they do make my life hell after I give the notice, but I really don't see them doing that. This isn't one of those nightmare hagwons: there are no issues with pay or what the contract promised (so far. Still waiting on my insurance card, but it appears that can take up to 5 weeks from when she got a copy of my ARC card which was, oh yeah, last week of January). So honestly, the horror stories don't appear to be true. So I'm debating on the end of this week giving notice, though really it's better to give it at the beginning of the month, for a more logical start/end date.
Mentions of talking to recruiter... I can reach out, though I'm not optimistic about that, and wouldn't want to do that 'til after I've talked to the school, in case he calls or whatever.
I went back and forth, thinking no, I should just stick it out, culture shock, blah blah blah, but I'm old and experienced enough to know when a job isn't working for me. So... maybe wait 'til the end of March to give myself the extra cushion? Just, again, not sure I can take 4 more months. Particularly as I'm paying back airfare no matter when I leave if it's before the completion of the contract.
Lol. Look at that, done waffling. I'm quitting. I really don't believe this school will go the awful hagwon route, they just aren't a shitty school, but we're not a good fit. I need the 3 months to get the money together to go. Was thinking give it 1 more month before giving notice if it is culture shock, but hating teaching kindergarten isn't going to change. We get paid in 2 weeks, so I'll be getting 5 months' salary to use. Still worried like hell about this, but gotta do what I gotta do.
OK, good luck. But at some point, if you hate it/dont care etc - you should be emotionally over it. Let it go if you let go... even if they get crappy on you, you need to let go so they can't get to you while you ahve to be there... hugs hugs hugs. when i need to get shit done i think of fried green tomatoes when she hits the young girls car and says she has better insurance. ha or when she yells 'shawanda!!!!!" when knocking down walls... find a battle cry girl.
ReplyDeleteI've never understood the concept of just letting go, quite frankly. And my one goal as a child was to never get in trouble, ever. The idea of being yelled at for doing something bad is a deeply rooted childhood fear, hence getting yelled at by my boss always hits me especially hard, because it's hitting that fear as a kid that never went away. I'm TRYING to think of songs or anything that can help.
ReplyDeleteI'm still reeling from talking to Jason last night when he mentioned that his anxiety attacks (he used to be on meds for them in Chile) have hugely decreased, thanks to working out regularly and not drinking much. It was like an epiphany when he said that, because I keep letting my workouts go when I'm stressed, but he has a great point. So this week I think I'm more committed than anything to my HIIT workout + 20-30 minutes yoga. Hopefully THAT will help too.