I remain on the fence about I guess when I'll leave this job: after 6 months, or the still-almost-impossible finish out my contract. Especially with this new schedule we'll start on Monday, where I'll actually have MORE time with Elmo class, with the added nightmare of having them plus another class at the same time for this new book which I'm the main teacher of and not liking or comfortable with.
Really the only thing that I know I hate that is particular to this school is that I hate working with the class that I'm the homeroom teacher of. Plus being stuck there for 10 hours/day 2-3 times a week. The rest of it is all part of teaching in Korea and what it'll take time and getting over the culture shock to determine if I can live with it or not.
Can't remember if I mentioned this in my last post, but other than China, this is my first time dealing with culture shock, so I don't know what to expect, not only in terms of how long it takes me to adjust, but also how I in particular react to and process it. It's a bit frustrating not knowing this about myself at this point in my life. On Friday I talked to Sara, the other native teacher at my school about her feelings on it. I've seen her really struggling this week: that she's no longer homeroom teacher for Nemo class; that Kiara was given her homeroom assignments several days before her and me (though I was functioning under the now-confirmed assumption that Elmo is still my unique problem); the complete lack of preparation, predictability, very-last minute back-and-forth changes and mistakes in our schedules, and being told that we had 1 day to finish decorating our classrooms, even when we had no idea what classes were definitely ours yet. Sara mentioned to Kiara how unfair she thought it was that she got to know what we didn't, which is when Kiara told her that it's probably due to the fact that no one takes her seriously at the school since she doesn't seem to take her job seriously. On the one hand, I like that Kiara tells you her honest opinion, because there are times you want to know and be prepared for the bad/worst. But there's still the part of me that thinks, but you just don't say things that bluntly! Naturally, Sara was pretty unhappy to hear all of that.
When I talked to her, I asked her about her thoughts on leaving. She said she's thought about it often, though another complication she mentioned that no one else has is that prospective schools will want to speak to the school you're leaving. (Other teachers have said just tell the recruiter you don't want new schools speaking to your old one and have them run interference). She mentioned that June, the old owner, she particularly didn't like. She said it took her... pretty much the whole 6-8 months she's been here to adjust. The last thing she said before we had to stop talking because a Korean teacher came in is that it was interesting I was asking her about quitting now.
This weekend I went up to Seoul and had lunch with Lisa, who's Korean-American. She said her culture shock and adjustment was probably a year, and there are still a few things, 2 years later, that she still hasn't accepted.
So ultimately I have a lonnnnnnng road ahead of me. Having to keep feeling aggravated, panicked, frustrated, anxious over the long term is SO not what I want or necessarily know I can accept.
Interestingly, what it all boils down to is that the worst the school can do is fire me, which would almost certainly be a relief (and might very well mean I'd have no problems getting that wretched letter of release). However, with only 3 native teachers, I highly doubt I DO have to worry about that. Which means WHY the fuck should I worry? And yet, I still do.
However, the reasons for my knowing I'll be at the school for 6 months are increasing, practically by the day:
1. Need to give myself at least that amount of time to process and deal with SOME of the culture shock;
2. My brother-in-law's powerfully convincing argument that I should stay and get tougher, a la Nietzsche.
3. My contract's 3 month notice, and I didn't give my notice on Friday, which would have had me leaving in June.
4. MONEY. I need to save money to get home, pay off some of my debts, and hopefully/eventually put some aside. Accomplishing large debt relief will take more than 6 months; having a cushion an additional 6 months. Plus IF I can manage to stay for the full year at this particular fuck show, I get a month's severance upon contract completion.
5. A new and unexpected reason!
I have new shit to report! First, I finally became a human being again with massive, MASSIVE thanks to Lisa my translator by FINALLY GETTING A SIM CARD AND PHONE PLAN! Interesting little twist that anyone who has ever lived abroad will recognize as one of those scratching-my-head, wtf moments. There are 2 main providers, Olleh and SK. Their stores are everywhere, big, open all the time. I see a bit more Olleh so, believe it or not, was planning on going with them for just that reason (I pass at least 3-4 of their stores on my way to work, including 2 next to work). There was an Olleh store by Lisa's place that was a bit more prominent than the SK store, so I wanted to try there first. Lisa started talking, and we were both shocked to learn from the sales guy that they would be unable to activate the card and everything until Monday. Uhhhh, what? Why the fuck would that be the case? Why even be open on a Saturday all day if you can't do anything? He said it was policy there and anywhere we went around there would tell us the same. We asked if we could do the paperwork and everything today and they could activate Monday, and were told that no, they couldn't do that either.
I was pretty crestfallen, because I had had getting the SIM this weekend as my main thing-to-accomplish. After we left, Lisa asked if we should go ahead and check with SK. I said why not, it'll take 10 seconds to ask, so if this is some sort of fucked-up law or policy, it won't suck any time out of our day.
And thankfully this was no problem for this store. So it's either Olleh or, more likely, the guy didn't feel like doing his job, and/or didn't want to do anything for a foreigner. I was a bit worried that my phone definitely was unlocked as I'd been told the iPhone 5s is when I was in Chicago, so was stressing that after everything it wouldn't work, but it did. I no longer have to stare at "no service" next to the signal; can get and make phone calls and texts; and can have access to the internet when there's no wifi!! GLORIOUS!
And now the other thing that brought me to Seoul on Saturday, and the new and expected reason that was #5 in my reasons to stay. A few weeks ago when I went on the odyssey to get my thyroid prescription, the doctor decided to test my levels, and today was when we'd see the results. Because my Thyroid Stimulating Hormone levels were so high when we discovered I have Hashimoto's, my endocrinologist back in the US was pretty sure my thyroid was dead. That was reason enough for me to say, yeah, sure, let's test my levels, but they likely won't be changing because there's no thyroid left to die.
Turns out we were wrong, because I was hypo again! Normal is between .3 and 4 (I THINK!), and I was up near 10. So I was prescribed 200 micrograms, the next level up from 150 (the equivalent to the 137 of the form I took in the US and Chile). It takes about 3 months (that time frame just keeps coming up for me!) for the body to adjust to the new level and to see if it's enough or not. So I go back in 3 months to get my blood tested at the new level and see if it's enough. Suffice it to say, I need to stay here (in Korea at least) where it's actually possible to afford all this medical care. I'm actually still waiting on my national insurance card (which I anticipate getting in the next week or 2), so still had to pay for the doc visit today, which cost all of $40. 3 months' of my meds was another $25. No way I'm risking getting my ass sent back to the US at this point!
Oh, and, most of you have already been schooled on the great fun and long list of hypothyroidism symptoms, but among them? Anxiety, stress, and depression. So it is entirely possible (and quite frankly my hope) that a bit/lot of my anxiety attacks is due to being hypo- again.
Well kids, that's enough out of me for the moment. I have to say, thanks to this dilemma no one can accuse of me being too lax/busy to be posting and updating the blog. Naturally most of you will be playing catch-up since I waited a bit to remind you to check the fuck in on facebook, lol. So have fun with the reading, certainly more fun than I'm having!
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