Lately, maybe starting last week or so, I noticed that the back of my right knee hurts a bit when I do stretches with my right knee bent facing out. Decided since I am on vacation & was just going to do yoga this week anyway that I may as well make an appointment to see one of the only real PT providers in Korea that I know of, rather than repeating my experience a the orthopedic clinic who thought a shin splint was a bruise (without discoloration).
She asked for a history of injuries, & I luckily found the name of the ligament. I can't remember if it was the left or the right, though feeling somewhat confident it was the right, particularly given this.
I'm seeing her on Wednesday, & she said no "vigorous activities" until I see her. I asked if yoga counts. Damn it, that was my plan next week. Oh well, I can't say I'm THAT sad when I have to rest if I can't even do that-- I love the luxury of sitting around after work like most people. Just hopefully it isn't worse than it was back then.
Only other news is that my skin is JUST NOT getting over last month. It seems to be getting worse, though maybe it's just getting worse before it gets better. I won't even chance it with flavored drinks anymore because corn seems to really piss off my skin & I don't know how much HFCS is used here, if at all. I'm hoping it's just that my skin takes longer to recover each time I fall off the party-pooper wagon, rather than there being some OTHER new thing I'm allergic to, or my skin's just done being on good behavior when I give up eating 80% of food for its sake.
The one bright spot in it all is my real freezer, which has plenty of room for everything, including the last of the Absolut Korea I had in my fridge, that just isn't quite as good chilled instead of very cold.
Friday, July 28, 2017
Friday, July 21, 2017
How soon I forget
Gave myself a nice anxiety attack last night-- wanted to double-check the debt repayment timetable. 33 months, not 30. So staying a third year is what must be done. Unfortunately, it'll end right when my contract does, so I won't even have the option to throw at the student debt. That shit isn't ever going anywhere. For damned sure. Nor will I have the option to throw the money I was throwing at cc debt toward the money I need in my bank account for Europe.
I made one extra payment last night toward the cc debt, so now it's 32 instead of 33. I have another $600 I believe leftover from my severance for my first year at Jung Chul, but that I will send for my student loans.
Funding for Europe will be my pension then (hopefully/I think around $5000), plus my severance, so that would be about $7000. Then will pray to God I can get extra loan from Stafford or something.
Interestingly, my friend Rin has been in Korea for... 7 years? 5? Don't know, but she has no intentions of ever leaving. When I mentioned how I'm miserable at having stay & am only relaxed & happy at work, she said that's how she felt at year 2-3. Amazing that this shit cycles so much & takes so long. Jesus. JUST like Keri said. I listen to a lot of what she says, then disregard pieces that are always proven true anyway.
So here's hoping that my burning hatred shall to pass.
Will be interesting to see if same cycle repeats in Europe. Where they at least have really good wine cheap. Unlike this fuck show. Hey look at me, being a normal expat!! I'M NORMAL! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!
I made one extra payment last night toward the cc debt, so now it's 32 instead of 33. I have another $600 I believe leftover from my severance for my first year at Jung Chul, but that I will send for my student loans.
Funding for Europe will be my pension then (hopefully/I think around $5000), plus my severance, so that would be about $7000. Then will pray to God I can get extra loan from Stafford or something.
Interestingly, my friend Rin has been in Korea for... 7 years? 5? Don't know, but she has no intentions of ever leaving. When I mentioned how I'm miserable at having stay & am only relaxed & happy at work, she said that's how she felt at year 2-3. Amazing that this shit cycles so much & takes so long. Jesus. JUST like Keri said. I listen to a lot of what she says, then disregard pieces that are always proven true anyway.
So here's hoping that my burning hatred shall to pass.
Will be interesting to see if same cycle repeats in Europe. Where they at least have really good wine cheap. Unlike this fuck show. Hey look at me, being a normal expat!! I'M NORMAL! FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER!
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Shit is never easy
It didn't take long before I became deeply depressed & demoralized by my first, & I'd say most significant, roadblock: money. & that issue itself isn't the cost of school-- graduate courses in most German universities only go up to around 2000 euros/semester. No, the main issue is living. & in order to get the student visa, I'd need to show that I have enough money in my bank account to live on, so I won't end up on their welfare system. Laughably, the requirement is only about 8,600 euros for a year. Laughable for not only how SOOOO low that number is for living for a year in Western Europe, but also because there's just no way I could conceive of getting that money together.
I despaired & drank that night, though Kiki's admonishing me for giving up so easily on my first roadblock to NZ was in my mind. Of course, Germany doesn't care if that money comes strictly from scrimping and saving, loans, or a combination. I have already heard from the one org that provides scholarships to foreign students for studying in Europe, & I'm ineligible for a scholarship because it has been more than 6 years since my undergrad degree. But I can still apply for loans.
So, not thrilled about that, but ok. Then I was reminded that I'm not quite as far from my goals as whatever I can squirrel away while working-- when I leave Korea, I collect my pension. One girl who's leaving said after 3 years she'll have about 6 million won, or without doing the actual exchange rate, $6000. I'll only have 2 years, unless I stay for ONE MORE year, which I just can't fathom or accept, particularly given how fucking hard it is for me to eat here, & the pollution & all the other big and small things that I hate about being here. Because in case I haven't said it here or it has been a while, I'm only happy when I'm at work. YEP, you read that right! I'm relaxed & happy at work, it's when I leave that I'm aggravated AF.
Sooo, I'm deciding whether I should do the extra year or not. Technically, my loan repayment is for 2.5 years, & given how tight my budget always is, I haven't been able to put more toward it to shorten the amount of time. & then I'd still have another few months to use the money I was using for the credit card debt aside for this instead (though there are still those PESKY, awful student loans).
Assuming I could get the amount up to $10,000 or so with pension, severance, etc., I'd plan on taking out another $10,000 if I could to be safe because, SERIOUSLY German immigration. Because I still don't know how I'd get the part time job I'm allowed on the visa when I don't speak any German, & even if I start studying now, won't get to where I can work there.
Sooo, I don't know, it seems I'll have to stay an extra year, even though the idea makes me wretched. I just want to get the fuck out of Asia. Period. But, other than the Middle East which is even less of an option, this is it for making enough money. The only other way is taking out a bigger loan, IF I'm even able to do so.
I despaired & drank that night, though Kiki's admonishing me for giving up so easily on my first roadblock to NZ was in my mind. Of course, Germany doesn't care if that money comes strictly from scrimping and saving, loans, or a combination. I have already heard from the one org that provides scholarships to foreign students for studying in Europe, & I'm ineligible for a scholarship because it has been more than 6 years since my undergrad degree. But I can still apply for loans.
So, not thrilled about that, but ok. Then I was reminded that I'm not quite as far from my goals as whatever I can squirrel away while working-- when I leave Korea, I collect my pension. One girl who's leaving said after 3 years she'll have about 6 million won, or without doing the actual exchange rate, $6000. I'll only have 2 years, unless I stay for ONE MORE year, which I just can't fathom or accept, particularly given how fucking hard it is for me to eat here, & the pollution & all the other big and small things that I hate about being here. Because in case I haven't said it here or it has been a while, I'm only happy when I'm at work. YEP, you read that right! I'm relaxed & happy at work, it's when I leave that I'm aggravated AF.
Sooo, I'm deciding whether I should do the extra year or not. Technically, my loan repayment is for 2.5 years, & given how tight my budget always is, I haven't been able to put more toward it to shorten the amount of time. & then I'd still have another few months to use the money I was using for the credit card debt aside for this instead (though there are still those PESKY, awful student loans).
Assuming I could get the amount up to $10,000 or so with pension, severance, etc., I'd plan on taking out another $10,000 if I could to be safe because, SERIOUSLY German immigration. Because I still don't know how I'd get the part time job I'm allowed on the visa when I don't speak any German, & even if I start studying now, won't get to where I can work there.
Sooo, I don't know, it seems I'll have to stay an extra year, even though the idea makes me wretched. I just want to get the fuck out of Asia. Period. But, other than the Middle East which is even less of an option, this is it for making enough money. The only other way is taking out a bigger loan, IF I'm even able to do so.
Short research break= short update
As I've often said, Europe is where I want to be. But the only way I can get to Europe to teach (which is the only way I'll get to Europe anyway) is by teaching English. A couple weeks ago, at a party, I met an Aussie who's leaving Korea to teach in Germany. Which is also where my newest dear friends & married couple Rob & Meghan are going. Naturally, the Aussie told me she is certified to teach in Oz. But she told me it took her 6 months to get this job, & she was damned lucky, because she doesn't have a Masters. She said if I really want to teach in Europe, of course I need to get certified, but it's not a bad idea to get a Masters too.
Great, except for that whole massive expense issue. There was one program I looked at in Chicago while I was home that would run me about $60-80,000 for both. & I just can't. It's too much.
Then I remembered that it can be less money to get higher education abroad. Even for us Americans (maybe especially for us, given the insane cost of university there). You can take courses all in English too, so language needn't be a concern. Plus, of course, I'd be in Europe while getting said education.
As with every idea that I consider doing, cockimamy or otherwise, I've already run my getting my Masters (even at my age) past my tether to reality, Mercedes, who has always supported me getting my Masters. Rob & Meghan have frequently & seriously told me I can stay with them if I choose Germany until I get myself sorted, or even live with them if I so choose.
Sooo, here I sit, researching Masters programs in Europe. I'm concentrating on Germany because it's a popular destination for people doing this. Plus my soon-to-be-local connections. Though I'm not sure how I'll like Germany. Jason hated it, which gives me pause. Significant pause. New York University has a program for ESL in Prague, though my friend Jess here hated Prague, which likewise gives me pause, though of course there's no guarantee I'd hate these places too, nor like them particularly if my happiness period requires me to take an anti-depressant.
I'm worried about waiting too long, but also worried about money. Most places, Germany in particular, only allow you to work part time to take care of your expenses, & you can't do freelance. So I'm not that sure how realistically affordable this is-- or rather, how I'm going to make it work, since I'm pretty well decided on this.
While I considered England for any number of obvious reasons, one big deterrent is the cost of living, particularly in London. I can't imagine Cambridge or Oxford would be much better. & hell there's even Scotland or Australia or NZ for that matter, but I'd rather be on the mainland, closer to unvisited & favorite countries alike.
So, if you've any suggestions on raking through the quantity of info, etc., let me know. I'll keep you updated on where things look to be headed. I'm aiming for after completing this contract.
Great, except for that whole massive expense issue. There was one program I looked at in Chicago while I was home that would run me about $60-80,000 for both. & I just can't. It's too much.
Then I remembered that it can be less money to get higher education abroad. Even for us Americans (maybe especially for us, given the insane cost of university there). You can take courses all in English too, so language needn't be a concern. Plus, of course, I'd be in Europe while getting said education.
As with every idea that I consider doing, cockimamy or otherwise, I've already run my getting my Masters (even at my age) past my tether to reality, Mercedes, who has always supported me getting my Masters. Rob & Meghan have frequently & seriously told me I can stay with them if I choose Germany until I get myself sorted, or even live with them if I so choose.
Sooo, here I sit, researching Masters programs in Europe. I'm concentrating on Germany because it's a popular destination for people doing this. Plus my soon-to-be-local connections. Though I'm not sure how I'll like Germany. Jason hated it, which gives me pause. Significant pause. New York University has a program for ESL in Prague, though my friend Jess here hated Prague, which likewise gives me pause, though of course there's no guarantee I'd hate these places too, nor like them particularly if my happiness period requires me to take an anti-depressant.
I'm worried about waiting too long, but also worried about money. Most places, Germany in particular, only allow you to work part time to take care of your expenses, & you can't do freelance. So I'm not that sure how realistically affordable this is-- or rather, how I'm going to make it work, since I'm pretty well decided on this.
While I considered England for any number of obvious reasons, one big deterrent is the cost of living, particularly in London. I can't imagine Cambridge or Oxford would be much better. & hell there's even Scotland or Australia or NZ for that matter, but I'd rather be on the mainland, closer to unvisited & favorite countries alike.
So, if you've any suggestions on raking through the quantity of info, etc., let me know. I'll keep you updated on where things look to be headed. I'm aiming for after completing this contract.
Wednesday, July 5, 2017
For once, a quick & short update.
No really. I swear.
After getting to immigration & waiting the 15-or so minutes for my number to be called, only to discover that I wasn't due there 'til tomorrow, I left & decided I should still have time to get to my doctor to find out the results of last week's tests.
Not much more new, except that she says I'm not anemic, though borderline, I guess, so need to keep ahead of it. Still low on those previously-mentioned vitamins, plus some others that I know are commonly recommended for those of us with thyroid problems. Luckily, the clinic just happens to sell some. I didn't ask, though really needed/wanted to, if they are without grains. I kind of know there isn't any way they are. But I spent the money, so I feel like I have to go ahead & use at least one month, if not the full 2 month supply.
I finally decided to ask her about anti-depressant interactions--she said none really, but offered 2 other supplements that help with seratonin production-- basically, I'm trying a "natural" anti-depressant for now.
Finally, my T4 is definitely too high but T3 still a bit low, so in addition to the supplements aiding my body in convering the T4 to T3, she gave me T3 pills. This is not something I've really heard of doctors doing anywhere-- most people want the T3 so as not to worry about issues with converting, but for whatever reasons, doctors are loathe to supply it.
My urine, just as when I had a mysterious UTI a month or 2 ago, continues to show signs of inflammation. Interestingly, I do regularly now get what feels a bit like the UTI pains, though somewhat muted, & it isn't enough to disturb sleep, & is gone by morning. Just feeling it ebb away now, actually. Wondering if it was coffee, though suspecting more the irresistible taste of kimchi jiggae I had yesterday. Eh, who knows. Will ask if we can figure out what could be causing said inflammation.
Finally, said I don't have Hep B antibodies, so recommended the booster. I agreed, then was perturbed to find, while getting the shot, that I can't workout today, nor shower.
Soooo, here's hoping. Back in a month to see how it's all gelling, or not.
After getting to immigration & waiting the 15-or so minutes for my number to be called, only to discover that I wasn't due there 'til tomorrow, I left & decided I should still have time to get to my doctor to find out the results of last week's tests.
Not much more new, except that she says I'm not anemic, though borderline, I guess, so need to keep ahead of it. Still low on those previously-mentioned vitamins, plus some others that I know are commonly recommended for those of us with thyroid problems. Luckily, the clinic just happens to sell some. I didn't ask, though really needed/wanted to, if they are without grains. I kind of know there isn't any way they are. But I spent the money, so I feel like I have to go ahead & use at least one month, if not the full 2 month supply.
I finally decided to ask her about anti-depressant interactions--she said none really, but offered 2 other supplements that help with seratonin production-- basically, I'm trying a "natural" anti-depressant for now.
Finally, my T4 is definitely too high but T3 still a bit low, so in addition to the supplements aiding my body in convering the T4 to T3, she gave me T3 pills. This is not something I've really heard of doctors doing anywhere-- most people want the T3 so as not to worry about issues with converting, but for whatever reasons, doctors are loathe to supply it.
My urine, just as when I had a mysterious UTI a month or 2 ago, continues to show signs of inflammation. Interestingly, I do regularly now get what feels a bit like the UTI pains, though somewhat muted, & it isn't enough to disturb sleep, & is gone by morning. Just feeling it ebb away now, actually. Wondering if it was coffee, though suspecting more the irresistible taste of kimchi jiggae I had yesterday. Eh, who knows. Will ask if we can figure out what could be causing said inflammation.
Finally, said I don't have Hep B antibodies, so recommended the booster. I agreed, then was perturbed to find, while getting the shot, that I can't workout today, nor shower.
Soooo, here's hoping. Back in a month to see how it's all gelling, or not.
Thursday, June 29, 2017
The push & pull of Asia
Push because no matter how great the people, Asia's not where I want to be. & yet, when it comes to medical care, it blows the US away.
Another Hashimoto's sufferer is a good friend of mine here, & she recommended a doctor I've seen others recommend, so I decided to go in today, because my old prescription is running out, & the former doctor is pretty lax & carefree about meds & dosages. I was still a little hypo last visit, yet the dosage didn't change, and I can't cut the pills much less than I do, though I think any rational human being would agree we laymen shouldn't be doing that shit ourselves.
Now that I have the national plan, I was less worried about the price, though this doctor was good enough to tell me the prices before I agreed to her suggested tests, which were multiple & surprising, because one I've never been offered before. So, aside from a blood & urine test, she offered & I agreed to a thyroid ultrasound & a uterus ultrasound, which was conducted inter-vaginally.
The ultrasound technician didn't sugarcoat, though she also probably wasn't apprised of my condition. She remarked that my thyroid is rather small & damaged, & while of course it is, it was still a little shocking to hear that. Uterus apparently is fine, except that it looks like my period may be coming early, since there was a thicker build-up of blood on the walls.
I brought the last test results I had, & while looking at it she said that my dosage is way too high, because while my T3 is low (the hormone the body uses), my T4 is high (this is the pill I take, & the body converts it to T3). So, my body isn't converting the T4 that well. One reason could be that it turns out that I'm anemic. I was asked the most remarkable question for a paleo person, namely: are you a vegetarian? Because I'm very low in vitamin B12. Having just looked up what foods are high in B12, I can see why: aside from my opting not to cook fish because I hate the smell & never feel like going to Lotte Mart, where the freshest fish is, it's mostly stuff I can't really eat: dairy and soy, as well as red meat, except apparently for pork, which only has 11 g per 3.5 oz. & the doctor said this, plus other things including stress for shit's sake, can interfere with my body properly converting T4 to T3. So in addition to a diet that is tailor-made to deprive me of sufficient nutrients, I also have high anxiety. I truly was made to be battling myself at all damned times.
Although I was charged 96,000 won more than I anticipated, I really can't complain about paying 196,000 (I'd guess about $170) for 2 ultrasounds plus blood & urine tests. The other bonus was that Dr. Park told me to contact the national insurance office to see if I as a foreigner qualify for the free annual pap smear & mammogram that any 40-year-old Korean woman would.
So I'm sure I'll have more to add next week, when the test results are in.
Another Hashimoto's sufferer is a good friend of mine here, & she recommended a doctor I've seen others recommend, so I decided to go in today, because my old prescription is running out, & the former doctor is pretty lax & carefree about meds & dosages. I was still a little hypo last visit, yet the dosage didn't change, and I can't cut the pills much less than I do, though I think any rational human being would agree we laymen shouldn't be doing that shit ourselves.
Now that I have the national plan, I was less worried about the price, though this doctor was good enough to tell me the prices before I agreed to her suggested tests, which were multiple & surprising, because one I've never been offered before. So, aside from a blood & urine test, she offered & I agreed to a thyroid ultrasound & a uterus ultrasound, which was conducted inter-vaginally.
The ultrasound technician didn't sugarcoat, though she also probably wasn't apprised of my condition. She remarked that my thyroid is rather small & damaged, & while of course it is, it was still a little shocking to hear that. Uterus apparently is fine, except that it looks like my period may be coming early, since there was a thicker build-up of blood on the walls.
I brought the last test results I had, & while looking at it she said that my dosage is way too high, because while my T3 is low (the hormone the body uses), my T4 is high (this is the pill I take, & the body converts it to T3). So, my body isn't converting the T4 that well. One reason could be that it turns out that I'm anemic. I was asked the most remarkable question for a paleo person, namely: are you a vegetarian? Because I'm very low in vitamin B12. Having just looked up what foods are high in B12, I can see why: aside from my opting not to cook fish because I hate the smell & never feel like going to Lotte Mart, where the freshest fish is, it's mostly stuff I can't really eat: dairy and soy, as well as red meat, except apparently for pork, which only has 11 g per 3.5 oz. & the doctor said this, plus other things including stress for shit's sake, can interfere with my body properly converting T4 to T3. So in addition to a diet that is tailor-made to deprive me of sufficient nutrients, I also have high anxiety. I truly was made to be battling myself at all damned times.
Although I was charged 96,000 won more than I anticipated, I really can't complain about paying 196,000 (I'd guess about $170) for 2 ultrasounds plus blood & urine tests. The other bonus was that Dr. Park told me to contact the national insurance office to see if I as a foreigner qualify for the free annual pap smear & mammogram that any 40-year-old Korean woman would.
So I'm sure I'll have more to add next week, when the test results are in.
Friday, June 23, 2017
What is my problem?
My first thought is that my problem is this yoga instructor on youtube, because every time (EVERY. TIME.) she says it's a "challenging practice," I will be angrily calling her a cunt in the middle of it. So, yes, she's my problem, but of course I'm fully aware my real problem is ME. Because I keep doing her videos.
I'm really trying to focus on improving my balance & flexibility, because it'll help me get stronger & especially help me when I'm older. My family on both sides are clear lessons on what I'd like to avoid.
Basically, Mon-Thurs I dread coming home to do the shit I have to do, but I do it, & as you haven't seen since I'm writing into a vacuum since no one reads this, on arm days in particular I get excited because despite the exhausting tabata or core workout, I can still do & am leaning new arm balances.
Fridays I was intending to be my easier day, just a day of stretching & relaxing yoga. But then I get home & I think, yes, sure, need some stretching, but let's just do something with a LITTLE balancing all the way around.
There's a lot more leg balancing than arm balancing in today's video, & on the one hand that's good because I really fucking need to improve there, but on the other hand, I can't fucking balance on 1 leg very well, & we're on 1 leg for a fucking long time. To my continuing anger, Cassandra the yoga girl has us do 3 warrior 3s (which is not easy since my ankles & legs just don't like balancing for long, & I worked my legs yesterday), & worse, standing splits twice.
To add insult to my inability to withstand her 1 legged marathons, she has us go into blighted pigeon pose for what she SAYS will be 10 breaths, but that fucking bitch can't fucking count because when she still hadn't ended it after 10 breaths, I couldn't even keep track of how long we held it since I just was then focusing on not screaming at my computer.
Weirdly, I still can't really hold crow for very long though my legs are starting to get higher on my legs & I can lift my feet a bit more once I'm up, but weirder still is that the big balancing pose is supported headstand. I couldn't get my legs straight up, but I did get them both off the ground, & held them at my stomach for a good 5 breaths. When I tried extending one up & came out of it, but I was able to get right back up into my knees at my stomach for another 5 breaths.
Funny: I want to say balancing on my arms is easier, but we only do the 2 poses, whereas we hold these torturous 1 leg balances for at least a few minutes each leg. So the time & frequency aren't comparable, but it still irks the hell out of me.
I'm really trying to focus on improving my balance & flexibility, because it'll help me get stronger & especially help me when I'm older. My family on both sides are clear lessons on what I'd like to avoid.
Basically, Mon-Thurs I dread coming home to do the shit I have to do, but I do it, & as you haven't seen since I'm writing into a vacuum since no one reads this, on arm days in particular I get excited because despite the exhausting tabata or core workout, I can still do & am leaning new arm balances.
Fridays I was intending to be my easier day, just a day of stretching & relaxing yoga. But then I get home & I think, yes, sure, need some stretching, but let's just do something with a LITTLE balancing all the way around.
There's a lot more leg balancing than arm balancing in today's video, & on the one hand that's good because I really fucking need to improve there, but on the other hand, I can't fucking balance on 1 leg very well, & we're on 1 leg for a fucking long time. To my continuing anger, Cassandra the yoga girl has us do 3 warrior 3s (which is not easy since my ankles & legs just don't like balancing for long, & I worked my legs yesterday), & worse, standing splits twice.
To add insult to my inability to withstand her 1 legged marathons, she has us go into blighted pigeon pose for what she SAYS will be 10 breaths, but that fucking bitch can't fucking count because when she still hadn't ended it after 10 breaths, I couldn't even keep track of how long we held it since I just was then focusing on not screaming at my computer.
Weirdly, I still can't really hold crow for very long though my legs are starting to get higher on my legs & I can lift my feet a bit more once I'm up, but weirder still is that the big balancing pose is supported headstand. I couldn't get my legs straight up, but I did get them both off the ground, & held them at my stomach for a good 5 breaths. When I tried extending one up & came out of it, but I was able to get right back up into my knees at my stomach for another 5 breaths.
 |
| So, this, instead of straight legs |
Funny: I want to say balancing on my arms is easier, but we only do the 2 poses, whereas we hold these torturous 1 leg balances for at least a few minutes each leg. So the time & frequency aren't comparable, but it still irks the hell out of me.
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