At least for today, it's on.

For those who somehow don't know, today's average guy is less intelligent, uglier, fatter, balder, romantic, and worthy of much attention than ever before. But that doesn't stop them from sending one-word messages to 20 women at a time and seeing who responds. Today, I just felt like not letting them get away that.

Lori-Jaide may recall the last time I didn't let a guy get away with being an ass online. This isn't completely scathing, but I flatter myself to say it is at least entertaining. To me, at least.

James had the misfortune to just write, "Hi". From here on out, conversations will be color-coded, with my font being in a different color, since my responses are brimming with more life than theirs:

Ahhh, I see you belong to the group of people who think one word leaves SO. MANY. OPENINGS for conversation! Will they respond, and if so, how? What zany or fun or mundane topics will it lead to?? More than likely though, in the TL;DR world, you just thought you'd say hi. So hi!

Hello
😄

Welll, hey, at least you're well-acquainted with the shift key. Proper capitalization is important, even if, apparently, punctuation isn't!

So you've graduated from one, 2-letter word to one, 5-letter word and a picture. We're making progress! In a couple days, we could have you at picture-book level writing! 😄

Omer wrote, "Hi," so I responded: 
Lucky you, you caught me on the ONE DAY that I've decided to strike back at every one-word, not-specific-to-my-profile or anyone with some stream of consciousness. Currently I'm figuring out where to start on updating my blog. I had my premier at a burlesque show to write about, the funny translations 2 of my students had to write of their funny conversation while talking in my English class in Korean, the 3 Italians I've met since being here in Korea, the last 2 being complicated in ways I could NEVER have predicted. Plus, why I said double for an espresso at the cafe when a single was offered and I knew that would be the better choice for me. I REALLY should get prepping to cook my meals for this week, but I just want to sit and not do that or much of anything else. So here I sit, drowning strangers in words to counteract the malaise of the typical male who thinks blanketing several women with one-word messages is a lottery he can win!

All I've got for this guy is his username, moonrisewolf who wrote, "Hi there"

God, I feel like I've had this conversation before. Where have I seen-- OH YEAH!! EVERY. OTHER. GUY. EVERYWHERE. You have no profile, and didn't read mine, nor I'd say the other 20 women you sent this to.

I give him surprising credit for responding: "hahaha sooo true" and, "also, i would like to see how you start a conversation to new people without saying hey hi hello how are you.​"

Afraid I can't do that, slick, I've got stuff to do. If I ever open up an advising service to men who can't figure out read, then write about what you read, you'll be the first to know!

Anymore to report, I'll be sure to update you. I'll leave you with this EXCELLENT meme related to the pitfalls of online dating: