Have I mentioned yet that the washer can now be added to the do-not-use list? I'm pretty sure I did last night.
Tonight I ended up walking home because it got above 10 degrees. I went to Lotte Mart because I want cheese & the grocery stores only sell weird, chemically-Korean cheese, & Gouda. For Christ's sake, Gouda just grabbed these motherfuckers! It's a good cheese, don't get me wrong, but when I go to Costco next month, MAN WILL I SHOVE ASIDE MEAT FOR SOME FUCKING CHEDDAR. It's not a thing here. Except for some shredded with Mozzarella. Anyway, on the way home & even more remarkably in Lotte Mart, I felt no anger or disgust. The little kids were cute, I was happy to know some of the customs & use them & appreciate them for being different but interesting & no trouble. I figure that I've been irritated & upset by everything so long that I think I actually exhausted my anger!
But I get home determined to do more on this course. I'm really behind on the coursework for teachers looking to move to remote jobs. These other teachers are all looking to get out of teaching, whereas I feel like I'm not done with the job itself, but am definitely done in Korea, in Asia, in really anywhere that ISN'T Western Europe, & I'm nowhere near ready to pull the trigger on that yet. So, I joined this course to help me get a job I'll like that can (PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEASE UNIVERSE!) allow me to live, pay off that debt, & move forward with my plans.
But on the facebook page everyone's so motivated & enthusiastic, whereas I'm feeling overwhelmed when she posts the new week's work & I still haven't done last week's. I want to do writing but when I have to come up with topics, or pitch ideas, or write regularly about some nonsense & keep trying to find someone to publish it... I just can't. I have nothing to say. I'm exhausted & overwhelmed & stuck & feel trapped. I'd need to secure this job in about March or April when Sue will ask about my plans. & I CANNOT stay here, in this apartment. I have great coworkers & students but I have to leave Korea. But if I don't have that job soon (& 3 months is the most likely timeline), I also can't do full time 'til July, which again will be 2-3 months before my contract here ends. But if I don't have a job lined up when she asks? How can I say no when I need the money?
Jesus, teaching here was supposed to help SOLVE the money issue!
Take ppl's "motivation and enthusiasm" on social media with a chunk of salt. At least that seems to work for me. You could get overwhelmed with believing their exuberance is real. More than likely they have just as many fears and worries as you do. Sorry if I sound like a mother.
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