So, this particular blog will be about dating, or my usual disastrous misadventures in. I was trying to think of a way of saying, "sending me to explore the dating world of Chile is like sending a non-expert to explore the word of ___ expert." But I haven't been able to think of one, drunk or sober. And so I continue to be unable to do any of the things that the normal woman can do. Like being a young-enough female gringa to find a Latin American guy to date.
Mark, Mom, and possibly Kris-- anyone who needs to remain clueless about certain aspects of their family member's life, I'd say go ahead and skip this post.
You'd think I'd have learned my lesson in the US. Bill told me that Chile is like the US' little brother before I left. He meant policy and economy-wise, but I've since come to discover this applies to the men here. Well, I know that NOW....
On a whim, I decided to see how OKCupid worked down here for a gringa. I met just a few guys, but the only one worth mentioning is Rachim. At this point, you all know that he is hot, because that's my type. He's also incredibly tall, which is not my type. He fed me some BS about not trying to sleep with women just for the sake of sleeping with them-- no, he has to feel a personal connection. Riiiiighhhhhht.
We met, we walked, we flirted, and he promised to help me with my Spanish. And I swear that I was going to NOT be typical Jen-in-a-foreign-country and sleep with him right away. And I really thought I'd gotten away with not doing just that when he walked me home and went to meet his friend. But then he texted me a little later that he thought I was really attractive, me too, blah blah blah. And I mentioned my yoga workout because, well, Rachim is SERIOUS about fitness, as evidenced by the perfect 6 pack abs & all in his profile pics. So we started talking about yoga, and his unsurprising lack of experience with it, and how there are even yogas to help improve sexual performance. Suddenly, Rachim is earnestly asking to come over to give yoga a try. And suddenly Clueless Jen has not only taken control of my brain but agreed, because how great to introduce a big weightlifter to yoga!? Am I right?! 'Cause honestly, I truly thought he was coming over just to do yoga. Turns out he meant yoga as a euphamism. Whereas I meant yoga-yoga.
And it would have REMAINED yoga-yoga, except before I can even think about lending him my yoga mat though I've just used it myself, he's kissing me & he's a good kisser. Then he took his shirt off. And that took care of that.
He left with me in the morning; as we part for different trains he says, "It was nice meeting you."
Interestingly, this is not the last I heard from Rachim. We chat a little over text the next couple of days. THEN he disappears for about 2 weeks. Only to reappear to chat via what's app about nothing at all. This is the cycle continuing to today.
I have seen Rachim once more since that first "date," when he wanted to come over last week. Before this request, his last message had been that he was "thinking about coming to see me," to walk & talk. As I heard nothing from him again for almost 3 weeks, I thought he'd finally found something else to fill those random moments of boredom that men have, which usually only a woman they're obviously not actually interested in can alleviate. When he asked to come see me, I was just going to ignore him or say no. But as Rita had just had her own interesting and to us, rather unsuccessful dating adventure of her own, I was curious. Particularly to see how he'd respond to my text, "You said you were thinking about seeing me, and then you thought about it for three weeks. If you have to think about coming to see me, you don't want to see me & I have no need for you." I mean, I had to give the guy credit for having the balls to say he STILL wanted to come see me and apologize after THAT.
He did apologize, using school, work, and looking for work as excuses (plus his 2 hours/day at the gym). And apologizing a lot. Which was funny, since Rita's experience with Chileans is that they can't follow what we Americans think of as basic social interaction rules, be it just not being an asshole, or apologizing when you are. And when they do anything that we US-ians (which is how we say our nationality to South Americans: United Statesians) interpret as rude/thoughtless/selfish, they can't understand what the problem is, and won't really apologize. (Unless a USian does any of the same to them. THEN we're cold, rude, heartless creatures.) Or so goes her experience.
Interestingly, Rachim still considers me to be someone he's seeing or dating. He has dated other Americans before-- in fact, he's 1 of those Chileans who only dates gringas. And told me isn't seeing anyone else.
He's still texting me once a week or so. If he texts fine, if he doesn't, fine. Conversation is fine when it randomly happens, once every couple or months or so. So he is the Chilean that is as close to approximating dating that I'll ever come.
Meanwhile, way back at the beginning of my "dating" attempts, Rita had found a "cocktail bar," a term I use loosely given Chile's complete inability to put certain proportions of liquors they have into a glass in a way that doesn't suck-- but it at least had the look & atmosphere that I was sorely missing. Part of the appeal was the atmosphere, but part ended up being this server, Joel. Joel was never actually our server, I don't think. He just somehow noticed we were 2 gringas speaking English. As an English speaker himself (who learned it while in Canada for a year) in Chile, we assumed he originally came over to us to practice his English. By our second visit, we figured that he just liked coming over to talk to us.
To be clear, and to give you as clear a picture as possible of how COMPLETELY FUCKED. UP. the Chilean male mind works, particularly when it comes to... gringas, I guess? you should know that Rita is a very frail-looking 65-year-old woman. Joel is one of about 90 cute mid-to-late-20s Chilean guys who DOESN't have a mullet/mohawk-mullet/rattail/skinny jeans, or any other part of the typical Chilean guy's uniform. And he's really cute. Cute is even more noticeable these days, because it's even rarer here than in the US.
So, while we never I think sat in his section, Joel would always come to our table when he had a minute to talk with us. We'd talk, but here's the thing: Joel almost always would come and stand next to Rita. He would look at Rita first when he talked to us, and looked at her the most. Once, Rita had some questions about the Spanish in the menu, so she asked Joel to translate. 2-3 entrees in, she had him translate the entire food menu, one item at a time. Joel obliged us, standing next to Rita to read off of her menu the whole time. We figured he did all of this because: he's a server; and, he must like Rita.
Another time while Joel was talking to us, I was doing some heavy-duty flirting. Really, a brick wall would have registered it. Joel was oblivious. As far as I am concerned, that's as good an indication of non-interest as anything. Rita, sufficiently liquored up, said to him, "She's flirting with you." Joel laughed, he smiled, but kind of in general. He looked at me a little, but mainly just acted good-natured-in-general about it. Eventually he came and rubbed my back, but as far as I was concerned, he'd already said, "I'm not interested. Obviously. But I AM interested in a tip, if this'll help." *SIGH* So I gave up. We still came to Mamboleta, but I only saw him as a friendly server, nothing more, nothing less.
A few weeks went by, and it was the week of the Chilean national holiday. Actually it's 2 holidays in a row, and it's big. Joel was hanging out drinking, not working, and invited us to join. I did; Rita went home.
I told him I'd honestly had no idea he was interested in me. Remember, kids: he'd come to our table, but he'd stand next to RITA. He'd direct his eyes at RITA. I thought he was interested in RITA. Rita also thought he might be interested in Rita. Joel replies, "Of course I was interested in you. I was interested in you the first time I saw you. Why do you think I stood there and translated the menu?" Uhhhh... because Rita asked you to. "Why do you think I kept talking to you two?" Well, since you stood next to & talked to Rita, we kind of assumed because of your interest in RITA. "Why do you think I came over & talked to you 2 in the first place?" Uhh... because you wanted to practice your English... with RITA? I mean, this guy gave most or all of his attention to Rita. So... yep. We thought you wanted Rita.
The next morning, I said I hoped I saw him again. This, I felt, was as good and unobrusive an opening for exchaning phone numbers as anything. All he said was, "Yeah, I hope so too!" as he tied his shoes.
AWESOME.
So, fast forward another couple of weeks, and I head over to Mamboleta because I want a drink & Rita doesn't... and I'd like to see Joel. I do, though he's busy. We don't get to talk, I am disappointed, then sad. And when I get sad, all past failures come back & I get upset. I hadn't seen Joel for a good 30 minutes, and I was getting weepy. So I left.
Outside I didn't bother trying to stop the tears as I looked down at the sidewalk to walk home. I haven't even made it 10 feet when someone stops me: Joel, in fact. I just want to get away, but he surprises me by saying he wanted to get my phone number. I give it to him, but am already aware that I'll never hear from him. I walk home continuing my cloudy train of thought.
He has sent me a message by the time I get home.
The next day, he comes over before work.
A few days later, I text him to let him know when an early morning class is canceled. Meaning we won't have to wake up so damned early the next morning. It takes a day or two for him to reply. When he does, he's apologetic. He calls me honey. This is unusual. He asks to come over the next day. I say sure.
And the next day, not a word. I can see that he was online at 3:30 AM the night before. So, ok, yes he was obviously sleeping off the night before, as he isn't online again until after 2. But he doesn't text me then. I wait a full hour or 2 before I STUPIDLY think, maybe I need to play this like a normal girl, so I should text him that he had better text me soon and be really nice to me! But apparently, no, I should not. I don't hear from him again.
I gave him 2 weeks, and then went to see him at the bar, convinced that this isn't THAT big of a deal. But But I was wrong, because after waiting an hour to see if he'd say anything to me, I tap his shoulder as he goes by & good naturedly say "Hey!" His tone is angry & bored at the same time when he mumbles, "Yeah, hi how are you." Which is a GOD DAMNED shame because I was willing to take him on whatever terms he wanted, he was so fantastic.
Soooo... yeah. I have a slightly more communicative FWB that I see about once/month, and that's all.
I did have one other date with one other guy. But women know how that goes: we talk easily, laugh a lot, he sends me a message as soon as he gets home that he thought I was pretty & would like to see me again... so naturally I never heard from him again.
Meaning: yeah, I'm about as adept at dating Chileans as I am at dating Americans. So that's awesome. I can add another country, if not continent, to the do-not-call list. Done and DONE!
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