Oh yes, I totally forgot:

I didn't try the second week of intermittent fasting. I posted in a rosacea group asking if anyone else had tried it & it had gotten much worse like mine, b/c my skin was freaking out & not having it. The problem with the group is they're all fat. Intermittent fasting tends to be very good for obese people, & it was only after I tried it & it wasn't great for me that I saw it also isn't recommended for people who only need to lose 10 lb or less.

Someone else posted that it didn't work well for her because she has adrenal fatigue. So do I! That was the first I heard that IF isn't good for that. Naturally, when I looked it up, a few sites said it was fine to do IF with adrenal fatigue, but maybe again for some people it's not helpful? SO helpful getting so much contradictory data, plus the fact that there's almost no research on how it affects women, but the few studies that do have women showed that all the benefits men get from it women just don't.

& I definitely lost ground on my workouts, particularly my one-leg wall squats, which I almost can't hold at all anymore. Also has me worried that I have what dad has. Here's hoping it's just one of those stages where everything is harder & sucks. I watched a bodybuilding motivation video today after my shitty wall squat session where he talked about the stage where everything gets harder & you're frustrated & irritated. I KNOW I've had off days before, but I can't really recall off WEEKS. So here's hoping it's the shittiness before things get better & easier. Really wondering how much of this can be laid @ the feet of IF, but really lots of shit hit the fan for my body from that week, so hopefully forging ahead & now giving up potatoes too because FUCK THIS SHIT HOLE will keep the breakout recovery going along & I'll feel like I'm getting better/stronger again.

So no IF for me. I learned my lesson, I'm definitely one of the women for whom it just doesn't work.

On some other notes,

I came across some quotes in my readings that stuck with me for different reasons. One was this: "Hilgers writes, 'According to Tang Yuanjun [the democracy activist], most immigrants, Chinese and otherwise, come to the end of their lives telling two stories: one set in their country of origin, and one set in the United States. Nearly one story always dominates.'” Some individuals portrayed in these books embrace their new identities in America, while others cling more tightly to their home country.

Well if I haven't been a clinger to American culture, I don't know who has! It's why I don't experience reverse culture shock, b/c I'm always struggling with or occasionally loving the differences, which I've discussed before.

There ARE things I like about Korea/some good things that come from the cultural things I don't always get/agree with. I wish I could just concentrate on the things I like instead of the mountains of things I hate. I was looking through a photojournalist's photo essay on Mongolia, & he said, "Once I let go of Western expectations, I was able to relax & find much better photos I wouldn't have been able to take/encounter otherwise." HOW DO YOU DO THAT?? I'm actually going to ask this on a few of the expat sites I'm on, though I'm fairly certain I'm a lost, bitter cause whose hatred of change extends to changing myself. But if you've got any ideas, PLEASE let me know.

The good news I mentioned earlier? My friend Keri is coming to visit on Nov 21st for 2 weeks. Mom is coming at the beginning of February, though unlike Keri, she hasn't booked anything yet. & Kristina's investigating/likely coming in March. So I'll have visitors! Hurray!

Oh! & I joined a CSA here, once/week on Fridays they deliver TO MY APARTMENT organic/pesticide-free produce, plus eggs. I'm currently getting the small box for 2-3 people, but will go to the large next month so I can use what I get to make lunch. & just waiting for the MASSIVE breakout I've been dealing with since getting back from Malaysia + my newly-developed problem with potatoes, which is especially upsetting.

The trouble with reading addictions is,

 It makes it that much harder to keep up-to-date. If only I had good news! Well I guess I DO, but it's overshadowed by the fact that Korea just took potatoes from me. We had really & surprisingly clean air for like 2 months, but when the Gobi's gonna blow, ain't nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry though: the Asian saving-face bs means that I was informed by my ENT doctor that they said on the news 2 days ago that China started their heat up, which is coal & oil, hence we got fine dust here in Korea. COOL STORY BRO, but then Korea's heat is likewise coal, & I'd be guessing SOME places are turning on the heat here too, though I've no experience with places that wealthy, b/c my school sure hasn't. But honestly, it's been ok to not have it on so far. I'll be singing a different tune in November though.

I skipped my workout b/c even with my air purifier at the 2nd highest level since yesterday, I still woke up with a stuffy/runny nose. Put it up to turbo, but research says exercising when the air quality is bad is more harmful than NOT exercising, though I wonder how that jibes with the recent news that not exercising is MORE harmful than smoking & heart disease. https://edition.cnn.com/2018/10/19/health/study-not-exercising-worse-than-smoking/index.html

What else? Well, we all know that I hate change, & I'm guessing that's why I think the new native teacher, Garret, who I think is a fucking tool. Total Koreaboo b/c with a face & blobby build like that, his only chance for a girlfriend are the can't-tell-the-difference-especially-if-you've-got-money Asian girls. He was in Korea before, but went back to Ireland to get his CELTA, which is a more challenging version of my TEFL cert. I don't know if he's also certified as a teacher, but his first time with one of my favorite classes, he ran out of time. I was like, "HOW is that possible, we finished with listening in 20-30 minutes?" B/c best educational practices in the West are to break up writing, reading, etc, so the kids don't get bored. Great, except Korea doesn't CARE about best practices, they want things done their way, the kids are used to it, & confusion reigns when you change that. He is taking Korean classes, which b/c I'm already a lost cause for being open-minded & respecting this place, makes me roll my eyes all the harder at him. He practices his Korean with the kids, tries to get conversation going in English when that's not a thing at lunch, then practices his listening skills/mentioning some idiotic drivel that he loves about Korea. What I REALLY don't get is he is ALWAYS taking work home with him, like grading papers. Today, 1.5 hours before we had to be at work, I was on the bus to see my doctor. HE was on the bus to go to a cafe to grade papers. GRADE WHAT PAPERS?? When I had a writing class it was easily gotten through in prep time. Seriously-- I'll get maybe 15 journals where the kids don't write more than 12-15 sentences about Halloween. Correcting grammar/spelling, commenting on them takes like 20 minutes maybe. Even with my writing class, it was never more than 50 sentences, & you don't see these kids every day. I love doing this & give a shit & really DO want to make a difference & actually teach these kids English, but this still IS NOT A REAL JOB, we're not real teachers writing lessons plans for each class, trying to come up with activities & assignments, that has already been done for us. We have 2-12 kids/class. IT'S NOT A REAL TEACHING JOB DUDE, HOW do you need to take work home with you??

It could just be my usual prejudice against ugly people, mixed with my opinion that someone who really loves it here, especially over Western Europe, is broken so I must break him down with my hatred of this place to build him back up, b/c loving this shit show is not a personality quirk that can be fixed. The whole person must be destroyed & built up again from scratch.

LORD am I a horrible human being!

Eye-catching title: I am calm.

EDIT: I was calm when I started typing this, but I'm still here in Korea writing about shit that happens here, so the calm dissolved immediately.)

A rather surprising state of things, me being calm, especially with my most recent update: the Christmas Cambodia trip, which is not happening in its current planned form, if indeed at all.

It’s my own fault: I used logic & past experience to guesstimate when winter vacation might be, when Koreans possess a heinous anti-logic & usually can’t plan shit, except how to ruin everything.

Christmas Day is a Tuesday, & that is a red day here, so winter vacation always includes it. And so ours does, but this time (I can feel my rage at the motherfucking stupidity rising again as I write about this), we have to come in on Monday the 24^th, THEN vacation starts on Christmas Day, through to I THINK Tuesday, the first, which is also a holiday, and coincidentally the day everyone in this God-forsaken fuckshow turns another year older because you can’t even apply reasonable expectations to numbers when it involves age here.When you ask an East Asian how old they are, the ONE NUMBER THEY ARE NOT is the number they tell you. So, we are coming in for ONE DAY b/c the Korean moms will freak out if vacation is too long, & that extra day would DEFINITELY cross that line.

I booked my trip from the 23^rd (Sunday) to the 26^th or 27^th. You can see the problem. Sue of course is unable to change her shockingly-advanced vacay plan b/c Korean moms are crazier than the age system.

I bought the trip insurance yesterday, so hopefully it’ll kick in when I work on changing the trip tomorrow (want to wait til next week, but I’ll be in Borneo & not wanting to deal with rescheduling.) Of course, aside from the added costs of changing the dates is the added bonus of it being high tourist season, so not only will there be a price hike, it’ll also be that much harder to find a hotel. Once I’ve decided on my new dates. Yesterday I was pretty not-thrilled all day, only to get home & decide to lose it, as I do on the reg here b/c it’s such a thoroughly shitty, NOT FUCKING DEVELOPED FUCK SHOW.

Did I mention our building shut off the hot water this AM from 9:30-11? This is after they shut off electricity & ALL water last week for the same time frame, because that’s a thing you have to do every few months here if you live in an old building (read: 20-30 years old). HOW IS THAT A THING? WHY is it a thing? I’ve no earthly idea. & I can’t think about this shit anymore because I accepted the shittiness today & must move on somehow.

But this shitshow is never truly done teasing me with the illegality of logic here. My 1^st year middle school class decided they want to have a speaking class (GREAT, getting kids to practice speaking is damned important, & impossible, though admittedly not with this particular class), via a debate class. Why do I hate this? Please refer to the logic statements above. The worst part is, when I try to explain to the students that their supporting argument actually is irrelevant to the topic or, as in yesterday’s case actually supports the opponents’ position, they didn’t get it. Fair enough; they may need explanations like that in Korean b/c it’s more complicated, & they’re middle school kids still learning. But the KOREAN TEACHERS don’t get it either. So I can’t even ask them to explain the concept as they’ve never seen logic, never mind are able to explain it to kids.

Annnnnnnd I just found out that the mother of a 1^st grader called because her daughter goes to the piano academy after ours, which is down 1 floor in this building. The student apparently runs too fast down the stairs, so the mom called, not making this fucking shit up, to tell the Korean homeroom teacher she has to walk the girl down the stairs to the piano academy bc it’s unsafe for her to go alone.

I can’t anymore, I have to stop writing before I become violent. And that’s about it from update land anyway, I think. I can add Thai green curry paste to the allergens list, which I discovered by making a paleo Thai green curry for lunch this week. This shit just never ever, NEVER EVER EVER GETS OLD!

How math continues to fuck me over

My body registered its objection to my signing my renewal contract for the last time by a huge rosacea outbreak. This coincided with my Whole 30 diet, no alcohol & no sugar. The no-sugar was the biggest challenge, because it means no added sugar in food, like bacon, or juice, salad dressing, etc.

My body couldn’t have cared less that there was no alcohol or sugar in my diet. There’s a seemingly endless list of foods that can cause breakouts; I’d eliminated a few already. Of course the meds from the dermatologist weren’t really doing anything because I knew it was a food problem, not bacteria or the mites.

So the good news is my skin cleared up within 2 days! The bad news is it’s because I stopped eating red meat. No pork or beef. No bacon. No ground beef. No sundae guk or Korean bbq. We are down to eggs, chicken, & fish. I’m hoping since it took about 1 year for this new sensitivity to come up, I’ll be ok until my contract ends next July & then I can leave this dirty, polluted, infernal continent & never return. Or at least not Eastern Asia-- still like Thailand, & want to visit Angkor Wat, Myanmar, possibly Sri Lanka, & see Japan but that at least can be a weekend trip.

Since I’m not going home for Christmas & have done no traveling, I’d REALLY like to take 4 days to get one of those places crossed off my list before leaving, (UPDATE but of course you already KNOW I booked my ticket to Angkor Wat. It’ll be high tourist season & the dry season so not as lush, but it’s a bucket list item going buh-bye, plus of course another UNESCO World Site to add to the notches).

OH! And in addition to the addition to my food allergens list (hopefully only in Korea), we’re having summer intensive courses, & I have a class! So every Monday, Wednesday, & Friday I teach a class from 9:30 am to 12:00, then the usual 1:30 to 10. It sucks because I now have to cook TWO meals for every day of the week, BUT of course it means extra money, so I’m REALLY glad about that. Probably not that much, but even a little more is great.

So we’ve had addition in my work hours & food allergies (sucky), but also some additional money from summer intensive course (very good). Given the choice, I’d take no extra money & be able to eat the bacon, pork & beef in my freezer. But no one asked me.

Oh one last thing. There’s an adorable-looking cocktail bar 3 doors down from my place I’d been meaning to try. While I was on vacation last week I decided I’d try it on Saturday. Except, it wasn’t open. Because of COURSE IT WASN’T. It WAS open on Sunday, so I stopped then. The guy actually speaks good English & has a good menu-- turns out he was hungover Saturday. It kind of seems like he really just does it for himself & his friends, but it’s a place to go when I need one.

Other than my toilet clogging up last night after I got home from work & still not working as we head into Wednesday (today is Tuesday, & tomorrow’s a holiday), it’s unlikely I’ll be able to use it ‘til Thursday. Because it was getting too easy just doing normal at-home things, I guess. I’ve got gin & there’s a bathroom with a door that locks downstairs so I’m less livid tonight than say this afternoon when the senile old fucktard that is half of our “security” (& the same guy who let my 5kg of chicken breasts sit in the office in summer without telling me I had a package) gave me their even more useless plunger to work at it to no avail. So I’m even fuller of shit than usual (*sad drums*).

Quick, albeit not painless update

Today is the 11th of July, so 30 days no alcohol (which has really been easy), & really only the 3 week mark or so of no sugar, but I'm still ending the sugar-free part tomorrow.

My skin just kept getting worse. I gave up eggs & nuts since they're often triggers for autoimmune, but my skin didn't give 2 shits. I've FINALLY started calming it down a bit by breaking open the cyst that always forms to the left of my nose, plus some other pustules with the tip of a safety pin, then slathering tea tree oil, apple cider vinegar, Manuka honey & turmeric on them, which I leave on at night. It's messy, but it's helping a tiny bit. Last night added more anti-inflammatory fire power by mixing 2 tbsp turmeric & black pepper with 1 tbsp coconut oil & 2 tbsp of apple cider vinegar with the MOTHER, & eating a whole chunk of ginger, skin & all. It's unpleasant, but it's sort of calming things down, little by little. I'm going to see a dermatologist on Friday, but they didn't help much last time & I had to figure it out for myself, so assuming that will be the case this time as well.

Except that I'm out of ideas! Maybe it's the chocolate that I'm suddenly allergic to (I've been mixing cocoa powder with frozen fruit since fruit's the only sweet thing I'm allowed, which of course I O.D. on when I get home b/c my sweet tooth has gone unanswered all day. Usually a little candy & I'm good for the day, but now I'm just crave-crazy when I get home, so the no sugar has done shit to help me lose weight). Maybe it's broccoli or chicken? I'd say impossible, no one's allergic to them, but no one's allergic/sensitive to rice except me!

Jason said since my skin's a mess, stress contributes & God knows restricted diets are stressful, I should just fuck it & eat what I want, even ditching paleo. But I like that I eat SO many veggies in a day. Still, I'm considering it because at this point, I have no idea what the issue is, but I'm tired of fighting. My entire life revolves around eating a super persnickety diet just so my skin would stay ok. & now it's not, so why bother?

I'll stick with the no alcohol til August 11th, even though I'd love a glass of wine, especially after Sunday meal prep, that was always my reward. More later, should there be news.

The news made me almost too depressed to write,

but I've been meaning to update for the public record for a while.

Interestingly, thanks to Jason (of course) & somewhat surprisingly mom's take on what happened with the whole drunk texting the guy I was seeing, they seemed to think he wasn't all that interested & it wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway. Such sound reasoning I felt they were absolutely right & that was extremely helpful in getting me to move on.

& while I was sure I didn't really have an alcohol problem as in alcoholism, I still wanted to make sure I wasn't just in denial, which mom helped with too (having been married to one, I trusted her to confirm my own thoughts). Still sticking to the no alcohol, & then what the hell, threw sugar in there too so I'm now doing the Whole 30 again. I'm not strict because ANY added sugar is forbidden, like the kind in cured bacon. I don't have access to uncured here, so I'm not worrying about that. Otherwise, I'm 2 weeks into Whole 30, & it hasn't been as bad as I thought. Not drinking I knew wouldn't be a problem, & of course it hasn't, no temptations to break it even when I go out with friends.The sugar part I was more worried about, but since you can have fruit (turns out in moderation, which not sure last weekend completely qualified as), that hasn't been bad, either. I ended up finally breaking down & buying a blender, so fruit smoothies is my new thing. I'm doing 2 months because I also don't want my body to completely adjust to no alcohol & start freaking out when I reintroduce it.

The only real hitch in everything has been the SEVERE breakout of my skin. It really started just before that drunken Saturday, but it went into HYPER DRIVE that week. @ first I wondered if the alcohol, contrary to rosacea law, was actually helping CONTROL my rosacea. But then I was investigating some herbal recommendations for SIBO which you may recall just keeps recurring, & I read about the Herxheimer Reaction, when your symptoms get worse before they get better. Or as most would put it, the body detoxing. Honestly, I can't believe I drank THAT much (or that I came close to having THAT MUCH sugar) that my body would freak out by their removal, but that's my thinking. I saw my doctor last week & she just said, "You need to see a dermatologist," but I decided to wait it out & see if it's that reaction, rather than something else. Besides, they're just likely to throw more antibiotics at it, which I don't want & was getting less effective anyway before I stopped going to see them because going paleo worked so well. Of course it's rainy season so the air's been a bit cleaner here or there-- funnily enough, even with my air purifier never being turned off, my skin seems to sense the AQI is good & just calms down. I so can't wait to not deal with this shit anymore.

The other update is I decided to wait on getting certified to teach in the US, & go get my Masters in Europe first. I'd hope to start by winter 2019/2020, so pretty quickly after leaving Korea next June. Despite my big reservations about it, Germany's still in there, though I wrote to a good university in Spain & got information on their program. The only problem with that one is, it's only 60 hours, when most are 120. Not sure if that would be as helpful. Plus French & German universities have stronger reputations. But still investigating options. Need to narrow down the country first. I really just wanted to get there before I got even older, & also because as so many expats here say, I have ZERO intention of returning to the US as long as that horrid, repugnant orange imbecile is still in power. Though now that Kennedy has retired so Trump can put his second Supreme Court nominee in there, fuck the US, it's fucking over. If they get a chance to overturn Roe v Wade, I'll renounce my citizenship to that sinking ship in whatever way I can.

So that's where things stand now. That & I'm thinking of using whatever pitiful money I have left each month to just spend on some plane tickets so I can get to one or 2 more places here before I leave. There's a whole other thing with immigration slightly stressing me out, but can't do anything about it really now, so that'll wait. We'll see how things turn out.