Bear with me here, as I get all metaphysical on your ass.

Back to working out this week, whatever that turns out to be, since as I said, taking last week completely off showed me that, as they say, anything that makes your face red (like physical exertion) will worsen your rosacea. Another thing I noticed was that not ONCE did my plantar fascitis bother me. It usually hurts a little when I'm doing basic yoga poses like warrior, but last week, not one step or moment was tinged with any pain in my heel.

While my upper body of course lost tiny ground fitness-wise, I'm amazed to say that I did 3, 1-leg squats on each leg without once bringing the lifted leg down, just up and down with that leg in the air. I got about 6 total that way on each leg, which I can assure you is a record these days.

I've decided after my tabata I'll just do stress relieving yoga. In the one I tried today, the woman told us some affirmations. The first two were fine: "I am at home in my body, and all is well," and ""Every decision I make is the right one for me,"

But the 3rd one really threw me for a loop: "I love every cell in my body." All I could think was, there are immune cells in my body that went rogue and have been fucking me up for 7 years. I can't love those cells, I'm fighting those cells and the shit they do! I have to fight this shit. And then, I suddenly thought, that whole self-acceptance thing is to accept your flaws with everything else. Accept that I'm broken? That's what it feels like. How can I accept that and not feel like shit?

So, self acceptance is accepting this and not fighting it? That would probably allow me to stop resenting my health issues. But that goes against everything I thought I was supposed to do.

Just to grind the point home, she added: "In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. I no longer choose to believe in old limitations and lack. I now choose to begin to see myself as the universe sees me: perfect, whole, and complete." Which again really upset me because I thought, how could I be seen that way when so much shit is wrong with me?

Though I guess it's funny that my conscious mind thinks, "fight!" when my body's already fighting itself. I'm fighting fighting with fighting. Writing it out makes it seem like a pretty wrong-minded approach. Also? I find it really funny that when I get upset I really feel it in my throat, I guess near my thyroid. Though I guess everyone does, hence getting choked up, and then another funny thing is that Marcelina and me (I think?) were both told by our Peruvian spiritual guide that he felt we both had blockages in our throats.

Well, anyway, that's where I am. It's one thing to know you have to accept the bad and good when you passively hear it and aren't preparing to act on it; it's another when you are confronted with actually doing it. It's an extremely hard concept to swallow. Thoughts?