WTF are you talking about??

Totally unrelated to Korea, but back to my life of being completely unable to relate to the life and experiences of my peers, people who talk about some good, some bad stuff, but all of it a matter of everyone-knows-what-I'm-talking-about-because-we've-all-experienced it, except for me.

I'm talking of course about the advantages of being a woman/pretty woman.

First, in the vein of the NEGATIVE: catcalling. I think that happened a handful of times when I was 14, and the 2 distinct times I remember it, I definitely didn't like it. The clearest incident was when I was around 11 or 12: we were in Michigan at my grandmother's, and these guys yelled something at me. I didn't know what it meant, but was sure it wasn't good, and I felt dirty and embarrassed and ashamed. My (younger) sister was there and either did know what it meant (or at least knew as much as I did about it), and told my mom and grandmother about it. Interesting footnote that Kristin, with no ill intent, was happy to tell them, whereas I was ashamed of existing, and wanted to try and pretend it never happened. Mom was NOT happy. I spent the rest of the time, and subsequent visits to grandma's, feeling sick, unsafe, and terrified of going outside, never mind doing so alone.

So, I get it. But what I'm NOT getting is that it's a frequent thing, particularly after a certain age. I can't recall a time it happened after 16 or 17, never mind every in my 20s or after. For this I am grateful, though still amazed that people call this widespread. My friend Leeza talked about it happening in Santiago and how unsafe she felt there. I couldn't wrap my mind around her impression of Santiago: I lived across the street from a construction site, and not ONCE did I hear a thing. Nor did I witness it. Is that my sending out these "leave me alone signals" people mention that reach several floors above me, and cover the women around me? Or is this an example of some sort of privilege that you don't notice what's happening because it doesn't affect you?

The second is of a girl on "This American Life" who talks about how drastically things in her life changed when she lost the weight. When she was fat, she said, people stared at her, glared at her, and radiated disapproval and dislike. When she was thin, however, people would look her up and down, and nod at her. She said, "Thin people nod at each other?" What? Uh... no, we don't. I never have, and have never experienced that at all. I've occasionally nodded at someone on the street/had them nod at me, but not after any up-and-down looking on either part. So, again... what the hell is this girl talking about?

Same girl THEN goes to a deli, and at the register realizes she is $10 short for what she has selected. She is looking at her stuff and determining what to get rid of when the deli guy says, "Just take it." She is shocked, cautious, but when she leaves the store with no problems, she decides to see if it'll work elsewhere. So she goes to another deli, intentionally gathers more stuff than she has money for, and starts the pretend weening process, when the same thing happens: the deli guy says, "Just take it."

So, of course, there are a couple questions that occur to me at the same time:
     1. What the HELL is she talking about?
     2. Why have I RARELY received the free stuff, FREE DRINKS, and whatever else that
         women supposedly get all the time?!
     3. What color hair does she have?
WHY, for Christ's sake, have I mostly had to shell out my own damned money, which I always seemed to have to be a lot more careful of spending than everyone else for my hereditary high tolerance like a fucking chump?? I want some shlub to buy my drinks, or save me $10 at the store too, God damn it!!

I am willing to bet newly-thin girl was blonde. Just as she says there's a different, parallel, better world she is totally unaware of when she's fat, there is one for blonde women in particular. Except, that Shangra-La veil comes off if there is a blonde woman in your line of vision. It is so pervasive that when I am trying to get a boots-on-the-ground cost-of-living estimate for a place, I would COMPLETELY ignore anything a blonde woman posts, because the cost of living as a blonde woman is AT LEAST 25% less expensive than it is for anyone else. You can be pretty, gorgeous, or average, dressed up, a little sexily, or like a librarian, and you will STILL get attention and free shit. Am I bitter? You fucking betcha!!! Because please refer back to my constant lack-of-rolling-in-the-dough status, for a start. Though honestly, it is largely the blondes that receive the largest largesse, but pretty much every other woman I've known, can or could, at some point in her life, go to some bar with the intent of getting and rececing free drinks! How the FUCK did I escape that? I'm not gorgeous but Jesus, I'm not a gargoyle!

Well, I DEFINITELY no longer drink enough since I'm at a job I kind of like, but I can't remedy that now, as it's definitely bedtime. So until then, be well, and if you can, I guess, be blonde!