Kristin & Mark (and my mom, if she gets tech-savvy enough to get here) will get this. There were only five, but were I to count each step getting me through the 5 overarching ones, I am confident I could easily get to 12. (If you're most people, you would think the 12 Tasks of Hercules. And it's kind of really the same thing. Except that Asterix's tasks were updated to include an administrational one, "strictly a formality." Which is really what this whole odyssey of replacing and renewing my visa was, particularly since I went the boring, non-Argentinian way).
Task One
Oh Captive, my captive!
That is what the Department of Foreigners and Migration (Departmento de Extranjeria y Migracion) is saying to me as I stand in a packed room, though it says it as it does everything: VERY, VERRRRRRY. SLOWWWWWWWWLY.
When I arrived in Chile, I was given their version of a visa: the tourist card. This is good for 3 months (you aren't allowed to or supposed to work with it, but this is South America after all). If you want to stay for another 3 months, most people prefer to go into Argentina before the original 3 months are up, and get another, new tourist visa on re-entry (good for an additional 3 months). Or, you can stand in a mass of people at the Department here. You can see why Argentina's a more popular option.
Whatever you or especially Mark, Derek, Kristin, etc might say of me, one thing should definitely be that I am dilligent about keeping track of important things, things you are not to lose. Such as your tourist card. But, having said that, you already see where this is going.
And you know what? Let's take a second here to say, really, Chile? Every other country in the world puts your visa as a stamp in your passport, which you already know you have to keep track of. A harder-covered blue booklet is much easier to keep track of than is a 6" x 6" piece of tissue paper. No, Chile has to give you a piece of klennex to add to your burdens.
Anyway. I was preparing to go down Argentina-way this weekend to renew my card/visa for another 3 months, and went to where I had put my tourist card. Naturally, the card was not there. Nor was it... anywhere, actually. I had to go this weekend, because I only put 30 September as my departure date from Chile to be safe when I arrived. And the 30th is a Tuesday, or something like that. And if you don't have that card, you won't be allowed out of the country. To go home, or anywhere.
So after my obligatory, habitual and *I* would say understandable panic attack, I started trying to figure out what to do. Online they said to replace a lost card, you just need to come to a department, fill out a form, hand it to window 10 (no matter WHAT they say), & it shouldn't take more than 30 minutes. Ha. HA!
The only stroke of luck is that the office is a 15 minute walk from my morning class, & about a 5 minute walk from my apartment. But that luck is of no use to me, because it turns out that, despite what I was told at the Tourist Office and instructed to do should I lose or need to renew my card, the office in question is not the one I am in right now. I got here, I explained as best I could what I needed, and was given my ticket. They only hand out tickets between 8:30 and 2:00 PM; after that, they close the doors. I very much hope that they will keep "working" (it's such a funny word to apply to Chileans) after the doors close.
My ticket is T 65. There is one window helping us Ts. At 9:55 AM, that window was helping T 15.
As I write you, it is now 11:55, and they are STILL only at T 35. My math is shitty, but it appears they're helping about 10 people per hour. I am hoping they will get to me by 4:00 PM, though the first hour I was here they only got through 7 people.
I realized (while waiting in a waiting room in Purgatory, essentially), that I wouldn't need to go to Argentina to renew my visa as they (oh God please) will do it here. What's good about that is that I've never done such a thing as border hopping to renew a visa before, & I am not a rule-breaker, so the idea of having to take a bus to Argentina (which doesn't run if there's a lot of snow in the Andes), figure that out, get to Mendoza at around 9 or 10 PM & try to find the hostel I'd likely have stayed in, PLUS pay the $160 fee all Americans have to pay upon entry to Argentina, would have made for a confusing, stressful, and expensive trip. But then, Argentina would have been a much nicer way to spend the $160 I'll have to spend to replace the fucker anyway here, minus the disorderly, pushy, never-ending crowd of humanity waiting here, many with their kids.
So that is how I have become a captive of this office today. There aren't any chairs that aren't already filled, so I get to stand for all 6 of my hours here too. Awesome.
Particularly as we're only at T 37 and only 15 minutes have passed.
About 2.5 hours later...
Ok, I saw the Wizard. I was taken aback by how sweet & kind she was, given ALL. OF. THE. PEOPLE. But you know, apparently it's only the US that isn't woefully crowded/overpopulated. Honestly, the waiting room wasn't that different from the trains here, only bigger, and less like a rugby game. So I guess when you're raised in this, there's no reason to get angry since that's all reality is.
So, yes, I explained in Spanish that I had lost my card, & wanted to renew it as well. She got the last part-- she actually helped teach me to how to pronounce it (there are a lot of Rs, which they REALLLLLLY embellish here)-- but the first part, about the lost card? That she didn't get. Once she did, she informed me of Task #2, which is to go to the International Police station for my replacement card, which I will then bring back to her. As testimony to her ridiculous sweetness, she asked whatever was wrong when my face fell & I felt close to tears. I told her about my 3.5 hour wait, & that I couldn't believe I'd have to do it ALL OVER AGAIN. I had to cancel my Wednesday class to do this. I'd have to cancel 2 tomorrow or wait 'til Friday when I've only the one. She said she would be working at the same window tomorrow, so if I came back, I wouldn't have to get a number, just come to her. Oh God. Please, PLEASE let that be true!
Task Two
As instructed by my government angel at the Extranjeria y Migracion dept., after class I went to the Interional Police, which has a couple of doors. This is basically a large basketball court-sized room, with cubicles or windows on the walls, and the center is AGAIN FULL of 100s of chairs with people sitting in them. It's dim, it's loud, and Pandora must be keeping that box in here, because hope has been sucked out of it. I take a guess that this suited-guy that people are lining up to talk to is going to give me instructions, forms, or if there IS no God, a number. I was given 2 forms to fill out (FORGOT. MY. PEN. DAMN. IT. So I had to run out & by one. I KNEW I needed to bring a pen-- had it yesterday!), and then told to take them next door.
When I told my friend Kevin, an old pro at this teaching/living abroad/doing whatever to extend your visa thing, he warned me to be extra nice to the police since it was at their discretion to replace my card. Well... duhhh. But I resolved to keep that in mind, even as I thought, "I don't know, I get along awfully well with military/police types."
As soon as I hesitantly went in, still not 100% sure this was where I needed to be, 1 look at the guys motioning me into the only room with people I could see, I had a feeling Kevin had never been to the Chilean International Police station. Or he's a guy. Whatever. I was helped by 1 of the 10 best looking guys in Chile, who of ALL things has a girlfriend named Jennifer from Chicago. He pretty quickly took care of officiating my new card, while chatting about Chile, Chicago, etc. Jennifer has been living here with him for 2 years (so I am officially a little over 2 years late in getting this moving to Chile thing). Ivan & Jennifer are going to Chicago on 12 October (I don't know if they'll live there now or just visit), but he gave me both his & her phone numbers until then.
Now I'm faced with Rita's problem: what to do? One of the interesting things about Chileans is that they offer to do/invite you to many, many things, but they never actually mean it. I didn't know that since Roberto doesn't do that. But here it's very common for someone to invite you spend a weekend with them & their family... only the weekend never happens. Usually they'll leave it open, like this month. If you see them later & say, Hey, how about next weekend? They will demure & you will never actually go spend the weekend with them & their family. Someone else told me it's considered RUDE to keep trying to pin them down on it.
So do I contact them? I guess it can't hurt to send a text. I can send one, they don't have to respond. Oh. Except when Ivan, for example does, & invites me to get together with them for drinks next weekend. And I say which night, and... yeah. Huh.
Task Three
Annnnnd, we're back. Back to the crowd, which is a shifting sea of people in a cup, milling around randomly. Which is why you can "permisso" and "perdon" and push your way to the space cleared for people to walk triumphantly to their windows (or, begin waiting in line for several cubiles to the left). I am waiting for this Dutch? German? girl to finish talking to her-- they're making plans to meet for a party or something as the foreigner profusely thanks her. I am unsurprised to hear Angel (I don't know her actual name) tell the saved traveler that she helps to many people every day, she is very busy with people thanking her. & I was worried that bringing her a cup of coffee or, even BETTER, a packet of Nescafe, would be considered bribery. Bitch here is talking about them going out on the town!
Finally the girl moves on. Angel remembers me, & I happily give her my card. After a few minutes, she says we're almost done. All I have to do now is
Task Four
Take this slip of paper to any bank, pay the fee (around US$100), and come back to her. If I do it today, I again don't have to take a number, I can bring it right back to her.
This is actually rather easy to do, particularly as I have this MOTHER. EFFING. AWESOME app on my phone that's map/GPS/store/whatever-finder without a wifi signal, allowing me to find the closest bank. I am relieved to tell you that this went off without a hitch, though I was a little worried, because entering the bank, there is a huge line. This is for the ATM, so ok. Good. I see a sign that instructs anyone looking for cashiers or other business to go upstairs. I do, and am faced with a small waiting room, another number machine, windows, & people waiting. I am wondering if these are the tellers & how long THIS will take, when a security guard points me to another room. Thankfully after a short wait, I have paid and am on my way back to the Departmento.
Task Five
Once more into the fray, and oh do I hope it's the last time. I fight my way again to the front, wait for 3 more people waiting on Angel to mosey on along, and am able to hand over my receipt, and get my newly-renewed visa.
So, ok, the last 3 steps were hardly harrowing or difficult. But you know what I wanted to do after work on Thursday instead of go through a MUCH shorter version of Wednesday? NOTHING. I wanted to go to bed & lay in bed & do NOTHING. And I definitely didn't want to to worry that I was missing some other formality and would again be thwarted in my attempts. Thankfully that didn't happen. But it COULD have.
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Oh, and I DID send a text to Ivan, and no, I never heard back.
